The Truth Comes Out and Beyond
by qhostwriter
Summary: Updated Summary - Lies, Love and Life. Had to update as Ryan's wedding seemed so very long ago and it was only a catalyst for acknowledging the truth.
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1**_

Two weeks ago, two hours ago, even two minutes ago this seemed like a great idea. A way to show him that even if she wasn't ready to swan dive into it, she was prepared to walk to the edge and test the waters.

Now, it all seemed too much. Damn, why did her hand shake as she pushed the elevator button? Get it together Kate, this isn't the first time you have showed up at his loft unannounced. Well maybe the first time looking like this….and wanting that.

Of course the whole situation was his fault. Why did he have to ask her about the plus one? Plus ones are horrible little notations on wedding invites that single people receive when their friends are trying to be respectfully, but really don't want a stranger at their wedding.

The 'plus one' conversation began playing over in her mind.

Two weeks ago he had been perched on his chair and used her name as a question. "Beckett?"

She continued to shuffle the papers on her desk, "Mmm?" Why was it such a turn on the way he could say her name a 100 different ways?

"Who's your plus one?"

She unconsciously swallowed a few times he had to know he was her plus one, that she wouldn't bring anyone else. How could he not know?

"Earth to Beckett, question on the table – who's your plus one?"

Okay, so she couldn't say the 3 little words. Maybe she couldn't even tell him she heard him say THEM, but really is he that obtuse? Couldn't he see how she held his gaze? Didn't step away when he peered over her shoulder? How she jumped at the chance go to dinner or drinks? Couldn't he see that smile he saved for just him? How did he miss it all?

What a dumbass, she was the dumb ass, not him. She had lost her skills. It used to be so easy to let a guy know…but he's not just any guy, he is THE one and done. She needed to turn it up a bit. Short of dragging him into a supply closet she wasn't sure what to do.

His eyes began to twinkle as a smile played on his lips. Was she blushing? "That must be some date you're bringing."

"Hmm, what?" She had to shake her head to clear the thought of him and her in a supply closet and the things she would do to him. "No date."

"Oh, so that's it. You're embarrassed that you don't have a date. Beckett really it's okay, I know its awkward walking into a wedding all alone. If it helps we could meet out front and I could escort you in."

'Meet out front! Meet out front!' reverberated through her head like a gong.

Now who's the dumbass? Can't he just ask her? Why is everything hidden in sub-text.

Beckett's eyes narrowed into the death stare "Thanks, but no thanks."

Castle's smile turned to a frown. He began to mentally abuse himself. Damn why couldn't he just ask her to go with him? Or at least make an assumptive close and say 'pick ya up at 7pm?' Once again he chickened out. But she was so hard to read these days – what if that smile he thought was his smile and his alone wasn't just for him? He still wasn't convinced she didn't remember the "I love you" and wished she had never heard it.

.His frown deepened and he twitched in his seat as he avoided the death stare.

Wait a minute what was that? What was that? Was a smile playing on the edge of her mouth? What did she have to smile about? Did zapping him with the death stare bring her joy? How could it bring her joy when it pierced his heart?

The sound of the elevator doors opening up brought her back to the here and now.

She started talking to herself as she approached his door/her destiny. 'No backing out now, Kate, time to dive in – even if it really is just wading into the shallow end of the kiddie pool. How many times has he proved he will never let you sink into the abyss? '

And with what felt like the most important breath of her life, she knocked.

_**Bring on the reviews.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

Martha opened the door as if the curtain was opening on her current stage production. A little flip of the hand and a curtsey. Martha lifted her head only to come eye to eye with a tentative Kate Beckett. Martha reached across the threshold and scooped Kate up into an overly theatrical bear hug and tugged her into the loft.

Kate wondered if she would ever be able to breathe again and if Martha would let her go. Sure the hug was over but Martha firmly grasped her hand. Kate's palms began to sweat, how old was she?

It didn't help that Martha was looking Kate up and down. Kate rocked back and forth on her insanely high heels. Martha always wondered how a girl who packed a gun could wear such high heels and not fall over, one day she would ask – but not now.

"Well, well, well – Richard didn't share with me that you were going to the wedding with him."

Kate added a shuffle to her rocking, shook her head no "I thought I would surprise him."

Martha's eyes lit up like two little spot lights, "Surprise?" Martha reached out and squeezed her hand "Oh Kate, I'm proud of you, let me run and get him."

Martha was half way out of the room when she turned on her heel, scampering back to Kate's side and began tugging on Kate's crossed arms. Kate's only thought was 'Do none of the Castles understand personal space?'

Martha demanded than asked "Before I get Richard, how about giving an old lady a little fashion show?"

Kate struggled to keep her mouth from falling open; she knew Martha was a bit forward at times – but a fashion show?

Martha stepped back, let out a catcall whistle and said, "Now take it off and give me a twirl."

Kate shook her head in disbelief as she smiled, "A twirl?"

"Yes, Kate a twirl!"

Kate knew the quicker she gave into Martha's demands, the less of a chance of getting caught by Castle. Her hands swiftly moved to her coat buttons, fingers fumbling as she unbuttoned her coat as fast as she could. Kate coat slide off her body and on to the floor as Martha began to clap.

'What the hell.' Kate thought to herself, as she kicked her coat aside and began to give Martha her twirl, guess two years of tiny tot ballet had finally paid off. Kate was almost enjoying herself; she went for a second twirl that ended in her striking an exaggerated pose, then turning around as if to exit the end of the runway.

Kate heard Martha proclaimed "You look…" when a deep voice took over "…stunning."

Kate looked for the floor to open up and save her from finishing her impromptu ode to the world of fashion. No place to run, no place to hide. Kate stood her ground and finished off the show with another pivot, allowing her to collect herself before turning to face Castle.

Martha stood gleefully rubbing her hands together as she exited up the stairs and proclaimed, "Kiddo, if that cop thing ever gets old, let me know and I'll get you a gig working the runway. I know people. "

Sh*t – it was just him and her.

He looks delicious.

He couldn't remember ever seeing her so, so, what would his mother say 'use your words Richard,'… free. He still hasn't said a word.

Kate feels as if the air is spiked. Castle looks like he is gliding towards her, almost levitating. Then there he is, standing right in front of her, like RIGHT in front of her.

He smells so, so very Castle-ish. And a tux, what is it about a man in a tux pants and an over starched white shirt? That makes a girl's head do crazy things.

Suddenly she realizes she isn't just dippin' into the kiddie pool, she plunged into the adult only pool head first.

Maybe this is a terrible idea, his brow is furrowed and he hasn't said a word, other than 'stunning.' Why did silence hurt more than sound? Should she sit, run, make a joke – it was getting harder and harder to breath. She stood there praying she didn't pass out.

Was she breathing? He wasn't sure; her face had a look of terror on it. No wait a minute that wasn't terror that was fear. The unflappable Katherine Beckett was nervous. A smile began to creep across his face. Now that he knew what that look on her face was, the shy hesitation – the need for confirmation, he knew that she had made her move. The drawbridge was down.

Does he acknowledge it? Let the evening unfold? Or go all out cave man and drag her into his room and lock the door. That dress wouldn't stand a chance behind a locked door, elegant and demure from the front, understated really. And then the back, oh that deep "v" plunging to the small of her back, allowing him to verify that her tattoo wasn't a tramp stamp or anywhere else on her back. Where was that tattoo? How was she wearing underwear? Was she going cowboy?

His thoughts of tattoo hunting were interrupted by the sound of her voice. "Castle, what are you clutching in your hand?" Her voice was softer than her remembered.

With a devilish grin he slowly opened his hand to reveal his cuff links. "Mind helping me with these?"

Her eyes flicker to meet his while she unconsciously wiping her sweaty palms on her dress. Plucking the cuff links from his hand, making sure not to make contact she jokes "Can't dress yourself?" feels good to make a joke.

Castle chuckles "What fun would that be?"

It's going to be okay, they are finding their rhythm.

Kate found it oddly erotic to dress a man. Sure she had undressed a few, more than a few, in her day, but there was something new and special about threading the shaft of the cuff link through the button hole and tightening it into place. Making it all come together. Castle began to sway back and forth on the balls of his feet while holding back a goofy grin. She knew he felt it too, a new level of intimacy. It felt right.

Feeling bold, she reached up to straighten his tie "You look dashing, 007 dashing" and gave him the smile that she reserved just for him.

He took it as a green light and slid his hands to her waist and tugged her a bit closer. "Not sure what you are up to Kate Beckett, but whatever your plan is – I am whiling and able."

Kate gave into temptation and pulled gently on his tie, bringing him all that much closer, diving in deeper and deeper. Castle took the liberty of sniffing her hair. What was it about her hair that drove him nuts? Why does it smell like cherries? Lord knows he had been to enough stores in search of that exact scent, maybe now he could just have the real thing.

They jerked apart with the sound of keys in the lock.

"Hey Dad, sorry I'm late. Get your cuff links and I'll get you ready to go."

It wasn't until Alexis' was all the way in the door that she realized he wasn't alone. She stopped dead in her tracks. A conflicted look passed over her face. "Um, Hello Detective Beckett."

"Kate, can we make it Kate." Kate willed herself not to fidget and hold mini Castles eyes.

Mini Castle intensified her stare. Kate suddenly felt she was on the wrong end of an interrogation. What do they say 'the first one to speak looses.' No way was she losing to a teenager, even if it was Castle's kid.

Castle felt that an odd turf war was about to erupt. "Come on over here sweetheart and give your dear old Dad a hug." He wasn't sure what was going on, Kate and Alexis had always gotten along in the past. Alexis idolizes Kate.

Alexis dropped her backpack to give her Dad a hug, all the while keeping a questioning steady eye on Detective Beckett. Nope Kate, it was suppose to be Kate now.

When Kate heard Alexis begin to speak to her she knew she won round one. Round one, what the hell was she thinking? This was a teenager not a suspect.

"I've always called you Detective Beckett, why the change?" Oops – round one is going to end up going to a decision. Alexis wasn't backing down. This kid is tougher than she looks.

Kate briefly shut her eyes, let out a breath, met Alexis's steel hard stare dead on. Kate's eyes were soft and her voice was confident, "I associate 'Detective Beckett' with my job, the badge, and the gun - sometimes it's nice to just be Kate."

Alexis's eyes lost some of their edge, but still held a questioning look. Kate took it as a signal that more was needed. "And I like the people I like to call me Kate."

Alexis relaxed her shoulders and bent to pick up her backpack. Kate and Castle exchanged a look of relief and a quick smile.

"Dad, Kate - one more question…is this a date?"

Kate's immediate reaction was crap this kid knows how to lull you into a comfort zone and then hit you with the real question, such a Castle. Kate would smile if she wasn't too scared to answer. She says 'no' and she sends Castle all the wrong signals. She says 'yes' and he has only been humoring her then she has jumped off the cliff by herself.

Castle's first reaction was if 'I give the wrong answer Kate is going to kill me.' Sure she showed up looking smoking hot, happy and free. Didn't she play along with his Mother's fashion show? Didn't she get him dressed, okay put a couple cufflinks on him, but his mind went further than cuff links. He says 'no' then he can protect her if she says 'no'. She looks too nervous to give a real answer, in a blushing deer in the highlights kind of way. He says 'yes' and she only came over as her friend, his ultra sexy friend and she says 'no' then he looks like a fool.

They catch each other's eyes and in unison say "Yes"/"No" then quickly switch it to "No"/"Yes".

Alexis begins to giggle and her face turns on the first honest smile since her arrival. "Your right Dad you two are complicated and oh Kate", she like saying 'Kate' it seemed more natural the Detective Beckett, "have him home by midnight."

And with that she scampered up the stairs to her room.


	3. Chapel

_**Chapel**_

_**Disclaimer – I own nothing, springing off the genius of others.**_

_**Also I'm starting to get a handle on how to post correctly, time to add Chapter Titles.**_

They rode over to the chapel in a new found comfortable silence. Few words had been exchanged post Alexis' interrogation. Neither was willing to find out if the right answer was "Yes" or "No."

As they stood in foyer of the chapel Castle began running a mental tally of all the signs that it was a date. She let him open the car door, took his hand to exit the car, two points for date. She shifted her leg away when he tried to rest his hand on her thigh, she open the chapel door for herself, two points for no date. Everything outside his apartment led him to a tie, but that dress. No woman shows up, uninvited, wearing a dress like that, CFMs, showing off legs like that for a non-date. Yep it's a date.

Castle felt her hip bump his, jostling him out of his thoughts. "What are you thinking Castle? Are you doing face aerobics? Smile, scowl, smile. Challenging to know what you're thinking."

He was starting to feel in control, sure she had him off balance from the moment he caught her strutting her stuff in his living room, but everything was coming into focus. He was right, she made her move and now Kate Beckett was looking for reassurance from him. "Not thinking, knowing."

She ran her tongue over her lips as she raised a quizzical eyebrow at him "Care to share?"

Castle gently brushed the back of his hand up and down her arm "You tell me yours and I'll tell you mine."

Kate gave him a wicked little smile "Castle isn't it 'you show me yours and I'll show you mine?'"

With the waggle of an eyebrow he "Why Detective Beckett are you propositioning me in the foyer of a chapel? If you would like to show me yours I would be happy to reciprocate, I am sure there unoccupied confessional around here someplace."

Kate shook her head in disbelief "A confessional?" giving him a playful pat on the chest "How about I just, what did you say? 'Tell you mine'"

With a childlike grin he agreed "Fine, be that way. Tell me your answer Alexis' question."

Crap. She was sure she had dodged that one, father like daughter. Make you think everything is good to go, only to be hit with a zinger.

Castle held his breath, a glint of hope in his eye – just let Kate be honest, don't let him be wrong.

Kate turned to face him and softly whispers "You know, fancy clothes, fancy food and dancing – sounded like a good place for a date."

He gave her arm a quick squeeze and rubbed his hands with glee. Castle wasn't sure he would get away with picking her up and spinning her about like he wanted to, he settled for a friendly threat, "Katherine Beckett you have no idea what you are in for."

"In for?" she said in a voice that makes his spine tingle and his mind go to dirty, oh so very dirty places.

"'In for'. If, this is a date, which you just said, it was...actually could you let me get my phone out and then you could say it again and I could record it for evidence. You know just in case I need it later."

Kate quickly reached up and gave his ear a gentle caress "You won't need a recording, I'll remind you."

Castle smile beamed as he stepped closer and lowered his voice, "Good, because since it's a date I will spend part of the night fantasizing about how many dresses you tried on until you picked this ONE. THE dress, the dress that you knew would do crazy things to my imagination. It is so you, reserved and oh so naughty all rolled up into one."

Kate smirked at his comments about her dress. It had achieved the desired impact. She knew when Castle first glanced at the front he was a disappointed, way too conservative, and not enough skin. But after an eyeful of the plunging back he was a puddle of goo. Plenty of skin topped off with a wee bit of naughty.

Castle was on a roll, the drawbridge was down and he was charging through it. His mouth took over and left his mind behind. "When I am not thinking about that dress and the legs that go with it, and the possibility of those legs wrapped around me, my mind will wonder when the right time is to ask you to dance – slow or fast. Best of all I will be waiting for a sign."

He lost her, "Sign?" she said with a quizzical look.

Why was she nervous? This was worse than prom. How old was she? Was it the new level of confidence in his voice? Was it the way he looked in that tux? Or was it that she wanted to take him home and have him undress her. After all she dressed him, doesn't he owe her?

Castle leaned over pressed his lips to her ear and whispered "The sign that you can't wait any longer for my kiss, because Katherine Beckett there will be a kiss."

_**Feedback is encourage, haven't written in years.**_


	4. Reception

_**Chapter 4**_

_**Don't own the characters of Castle. Yes, I 'borrow' from Princess Bride (the all-time best fairy tale)**_

Kate and Castle lazily nudged their way up to the bar.

The ceremony had provided its own liquid courage. There was something intoxicating about watching two people who love each other, admit it and do something about it.

Castle took a careless look around and realized the crowd blocked any viewers. He raised his hand and playfully grazed his knuckles up and down Kate' available spine. Kate momentarily succumbed to his touch with a little shimmy and leaned into his touch.

Only to turn to face him, "Castle, if you want to keep that hand to eat with you'll keep it in plain view."

A sheepish grin danced on his face, he had seen the twinkle in her eye and the smile she saved just for him. "Detective…"

Kate shook her head and turned back towards the bar, so he couldn't see her blush. How did he make the word 'detective' sound so sexy? Gates said 'detective' and it brought about the urge to throw things. Castle said 'detective' and she felt like melting chocolate.

"…as you wish."

Did he know 'Princess Bride' was her all-time favorite movie? She could just imagine the mileage he would get out of knowing that.

"Richard Castle? Is that you? THE Richard Castle."

Castle quickly tugged at Kate's wrist and whispered. "Don't look, maybe he will go away." Ordinarily Castle was a gracious celebrity, but tonight he had no interest in playing to the crowd.

Kate spoke without censorship "No, happy it's a man and not an old flame or fawning fan." Crap did she just say that out loud. But it was true, all she needed was some chickie ruining the evening by trying to steal dances with her, her, her…words escaped her. Crap what was he? Her date, her soon to be lover, her one and done? Kate gave a silent laugh at herself - she really didn't want to share.

Castle chuckled and nodded in agreement, it was comforting to know that Kate was territorial. He admired that quality in a woman, especially a woman who had historically delivered biting remarks or who had only recently told him 'suit yourself' about going out on a date with another woman.

Castle felt an unavoidable tap on his shoulder. "Sorry to bother you at a social event, but I'm a huge fan and was surprised to see you here. Maybe I shouldn't don't you get inspiration from the 12th ? The groom is with the 12th . Just didn't think you were still tight with the 12th, thought I would've hear about it. I should stop interrupting your night. Enjoy."

Gratefully the man babbled and left. Castle ordered 2 champagnes. He quickly turned to Kate, "Is that okay? I should have asked what you would like to drink."

Kate quietly whispered, so only he could hear "Even I occasionally let my dates order for me."

And without missing a beat, she changed the subject "Castle that was weird. I thought I knew everyone associated with the 12th, especially if they know Ryan."

As they clinked glasses, each made a silent toast to themselves, 'don't let me screw this up.'

Castle furrowed his brow the, "The odd part was how he called Ryan 'the groom', it was like he knew of him, not knew him."

Kate started to nod in agreement, as shiver ran down her spin and she spat champagne out all over Castle's tux. She was standing so close to him that he had to lick droplets of champagne off his face. "I have had my share of my fantasies about you/me and licking, but really Katherine Beckett – at a wedding? That even goes beyond my wildest dreams."

She gave him a quick jab in the gut and hissed "Shut up. I think I know who that was."

"Who?"

"And it was no fan. Quick let's dance, I need to look around the room to make sure."

A wry smile played on his face "Kate you don't need to make up excuses to dance with me. Not tricks needed, I'd love to dance."

In a split second Kate's eyes went from soft to death stare. "Do you really think I'd spit out tasty bubbly to trick you into dancing?"

"Yes, after all you tricked me into being your plus one after you didn't have a date." As soon as it was out of his mouth and he saw the hurt in her eyes, he blew it. She thrust her glass in his free hand, turned on her heel and stalked off. Crap, crap – double crap. The drawbridge slammed shut so fast he felt like his fingers got caught in a rat trap.


	5. Teaser

_**Chapter 5**_

_**This chapter has been written 4 times. Twice on paper and deleted, once in my head and again here – all in an effort to stay true to the original characters – whom I didn't create, don't own, will never own but truly enjoy.**_

The slamming bathroom door echoed in her head as she stared at herself in the mirror. 'Get it together Kate, you overreacted. He wouldn't hurt you – he might push you, but not intentionally hurt you. This wasn't even about pushing it was about teasing.' Her guilt had run over her mind and she had felt the need to push him away, to be honest with herself she had been looking for a way out all night. 'Liar, liar, pretty little liar' played on shuffle repeat in her mind. That damn lie was taunting her.

Kate took one more moment to steady herself, she was going to go out there apologize, enjoy the evening – make sure he enjoys the evening and come clean tomorrow. She wanted one night, just one night – before the truth comes out.

_**I know viciously short update. Working on the wrinkles in the rest of the chapter, but like the real owner of the characters…I like to tease.**_


	6. The Apology

_**Chapter 6 – The Apology**_

_**Disclaimer – didn't create them, don't own them. **_

She saw him from across the room, surrounded by people, but alone all at the same time. His shoulders slightly slumped, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Castle was staring out the floor to ceiling corner window captivated by the night sky. The New York skyline always calmed his nerves and brought life into perspective. He knew better then to chase after her, the last thing he wanted to hear was 'go home Castle, go home.' Let her cool down a bit and then catch her in a crowd when she can't run. Ease back into the evening.

She didn't have to say a word. He could feel her and smell her standing behind him. He clenched his fists tightly in his pockets. Fighting the urge to touch her, just to make sure she was real.

Kate's eyes jumped from building to building, wondering which one has captured his attention. Their eyes meet in the glowing reflection of the top of the Empire State Building. Her eyes were soft and apologetic; she chewed on her bottom lip. He waited for her to speak.

She nervously played with the ends of her long curls , giving him a glimmer of a smile. "Have you seen my date?"

His eyes warm "Not sure, a woman as beautiful and as sexy as you are, could have her pick of dates."

Kate's smile transforms into a playful grin, her eyes searching his face, she's been give the sign that it's safe to open the draw bridge. "My date is ruggedly handsome, has rapier wit, and sometimes knows me better than I know myself."

Castle stood a little taller as a grin snuck across his face, "He sounds like a stud."

Kate lets out a soft chuckle, steps closer and brushes her hand across his back.

He can feel her breath danced across his cheek as she whispers in his ear, "You know I have been walking the edge of 'the Cliffs of Insanity', lately."

Castle's shoulder brushes her breasts as he turned to face her. Kate's cheeks brighten slightly as she blushes at his unintentional touch. Or maybe it wasn't unintentional, maybe it was a test, a test to see if she would run.

He softly curled his fingers around her wrist and urged her towards him. His eyes held hers in a steady gaze, hoping she sees the merriment in his eyes. "Yes, but today you had fun storming the castle." She began to laugh, the laugh that made his spine tingle and toes curl.

Why was he that much hotter when he quoted her favorite book? Their rhythm was back. Kate's fingers trailed up his shoulder until she ran a finger along the top of his shirt collar. "Yes, I did."

Castle snaked his arms around her, quickly pulling her to his chest. "May I have this dance?"

Kate tried to wiggle out of his hold. "Rick, let me go…there are work people here and you know I can take you."

His eyes grew wide with excitement 'Rick?' he was back in the game. Was this the first time she used his first name when it wasn't used in a challenge? It sounded strangely intimate. "Detective, I am ready to be taken."

With a lick of the lips and a teasing voice she asked, "Do I get to lead?

Castle ignored her question and gracefully let Kate out of his grasp He slid his hand down her arm to lace their fingers together. Kate fought the urge to untangle their fingers as she gave his hand an involuntary squeeze and dutifully followed him onto the dance floor. Damn what anyone else thinks or gossips about she had two hours until she turned into a pumpkin, until it was tomorrow and she told him the truth. Kate wasn't willing to waste one precious minute of the one hundred and twenty minutes she had worrying about what ANYONE thought.

Castle swept her into his arms and they began to dance. She let him lead. Castle's heart began to beat louder as he felt her relaxing in his hold, giving into the moment. His fingers delicately traced lazy circled along each exposed vertebrae. Kate burrowed into his chest and stroked her fingers across the back of his neck.

She watched him through her lashes; he was drinking her in causing an unedited moan slipped past her lips. Kate knew she couldn't meet his gaze. Castle brought one hand up to tangle in her hair. They moved as if they had danced a thousand times before. Every curve of his body felt familiar, yet it was all so new and so right. Kate allowed her body to take over the last of her mind as she pressed her hip bones to his. In this moment it was just the two of them.

Castle took a chance and whispered "We fit."

His voice startled her from her dream like state, she opened her eyes to see the 'fan' they had met earlier that evening pass them on the dance floor. Kate's mind started whirling as she came to grips with who he was.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own squat.**_

_**Thanks for the reviews, working hard to get this wrapped up by January 9**__**th**__**. **_

With a quick little hip check Kate, pulled back to a more respectable distance between their bodies and began to lead. She wanted to work their way around the dance floor to confirm who the mystery 'fan' was before she updated Castle.

Although scanning the room for the 'fan' Kate still kept a keen eye on Castle. She tried to use a reassuring voice "Hey…"

Was it hurt or confusion that briefly washed across Castle's face? Only to be replaced by his 'book jacket' smile. Castle usually reserved that smile for mandatory press photos or when she had a boyfriend in the room.

Castle simply shook his head in disappointment and super glued the canned smile to his face, carefree Kate had reverted to control freak Beckett.

Kate continued "…it's not like that."

Afraid his voice would falter, his eyes asked "Not like what?"

Kate struggled for a moment "There's no one else."

Castle's eyes pleaded "Then what?"

A smile began to dance on her face, "Remember the 'fan' from earlier tonight?"

Castle nodded his head and arched his eyebrow giving her a curious look.

"Come on Castle, you know the one who knew OF Ryan, but didn't actually know Ryan?"

There was something in her voice that made Castle relax. He still had to put it out there "Old boyfriend?"

Castle finished his question just as Kate located the 'fan' and his date and her suspicions were confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Kate's entire body began to shake, until the laughter rumbled out of her body… 'boyfriend' that would be rich. She let go of Castle and grasp at her sides as her laughing fit took her entire body…'boyfriend.'

Couples dancing nearby slowed their dancing and began to stare.

Castle was at a loss, tears where steaming down Kate's face as she feebly attempted regain her composure. Castle placed a hand on each shoulder and shoved her off the dance floor.

He turned over his shoulder to say to the growing crowd of staring dancers "Apparently I have that effect on women."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Castle had guided a semi-hysterical Kate to a private spot, although after her display of uncontrollable laughter on the dance floor there was nothing short of leaving that was going to give them privacy. Kate was busy wiping away her tears and barely controlling her laughter. Kate asked herself 'boyfriend how creepy would that be?'

Castle wore a confused smile - sure the guy was a little old for Kate but it wasn't that funny a joke. "Kate, get it together, how much have you had to drink?"

Which only brought about another fit of giggles, what had gotten into her? It felt so good to laugh, really laugh.

Castle replayed the dance in his mind's eye…she had let him lead, he was sure the hip grinding was instigated by her and now Kate Beckett was giggling. Kate Beckett was totally drunk. He didn't know when or how she had that much to drink – but she had to be drunk.

Kate shook her head, ran a hand thru her hair, snatched the end of his tie and dabbed away the last of her tears. She ran a quick hand down his arm, played briefly with his exposed wrist, flashed a massive ear to ear smile and said "Let's go. I have someone you need to meet" as she walked away.

Castle was baffled, she didn't sounded drunk. What the hell was going on?

He couldn't move.

Kate's cop ears where on the job and she knew Castle didn't follow her. She turned on her heel placed a hand on her hip, runway walked back to him as she used her smoky eye trick to hypnotize him.

Castle's jaw dropped open as he watched her come back for him. She never comes back for me, he thought, and then to walk like that in public was just wrong. Who was this woman?

When she reached him she leaned forward, deliberately not touching him, only purred in his ear "You coming Rick? I'll make it worth it."


	8. Fan Boy

_**Chapter 8 – Fan Boy**_

_**Disclaimer – still not mine. **_

There they stood face to face with Castle's admiring fan and Captain Victoria Gates.

Kate had pulled herself together, her laughter hidden behind her cop face. Castle wasn't doing as well, his eyes darted from the Captain to the 'fan' and back to Kate. Castle was usually quick on the uptake, but it took a few minutes for it to register that the man standing next to Sir Captain Victoria Iron Gates' was his fan.

Captain Gates was the first to break the silence "Detective Beckett, Mr. Castle – I would like you to meet my husband, Edgar Gates."

Kate slipped a hand over her face to wipe away the grin she was fighting to suppress as she watched Castle wrestle with the identity of his fan, who was so NOT ever her 'boyfriend'.

Edgar offered Kate a firm but friendly handshake. "I've heard great things about you."

Kate's eyebrows shot up and her eyes almost popped out of her head, as she shook Edgar's hand while mumbling "Thanks….um great things?" Kate mentally chastised herself, shit, shit, shit, I couldn't just say 'Thank you, a pleasure to meet you? I had to say 'great things.' '

As Edgar shook Castle's hand he turned to his wife "Annie, why didn't you tell me that the 'civilian' you have been talking about was THE Richard Castle?"

Kate and Castle locked eyes and telegraphed "Annie?"

The next round of telepathy was accompanied by matching smirks, "He calls her Annie!"

Captain Gates wasn't oblivious to their little exchange.

Gates cleared her throat and begrudgingly explained, "My middle name is Anne."

Edgar was a talker. "Yes, my Annie. I always thought Victoria was too formal, too stiff for my fun loving girl. How many girls named Victoria ride a motorcycle?"

Castle watched as Gates gave Edgar a death stare, he knew that death stare. Kate had the same exact one when she thought he was talking too much. Kate was impervious to the death stare, but she thought Gates right eye began to twitch, that was new. Kate filed it away, Gates had a 'tell'.

Edgar was immune to the look or decided to ignore it. Edgar's arm slid behind his wife back and pulled her close. "Mr. Castle…"

"Rick, please. Call me Rick."

Gates tried to regain control of the situation shooting looks of annoyance to both Kate and Castle as she spoke. "Edgar, I am sure that Detective Beckett and Mr. Castle would prefer to return to the dance floor. They looked like they were enjoying it."

Kate struggled to keep a blank face. Crap as much as she had told herself she didn't care what anyone thought, having her boss comment on their um, er – _Hell just say it Kate. Nobody can hear you talk in your head - _'relationship'was not what she wanted.

Edgar gave his wife a quick smile, "Annie's right we should let you two go or Rick, I would spend all night picking your brain."

Castle had a puzzled look on his face as he asked, "Picking my brain?"

Edgar fished around in his pocket until he produced his business card and offered it to Castle "Rick, you and I should get together. I've been a food critic for years and just recently tried my hand at my first novel. Haven't shared it with anyone other than Annie, if your open to it she could bring it into work and you could read it and give me some feedback."

Castle opened his mouth to speak when Kate delivered a swift elbow to his ribcage. She didn't want the conversation to last any longer than necessary, nor did she want Castle working with her boss' husband.

It didn't stop Castle, whose face wore a shit eating grin "I would love to."

Kate couldn't have predicted what happened next. Gates was actually blushing "Edgar, if you promise to leave these two alone I will bring Mr. Castle your book."

Edgar leaned over and gave his wife a kiss on the check "Deal."

The duo watched the Captain and her husband walk away.

Kate playfully slapped his chest "Love to! You would love to read his book? What if it stinks?"

Castle's grin widened "Who cares? When my 'term limited' pal the Mayor is out I will have my new bff and favorite protégé Edgar Gates to secure my spot at the 12th."

Kate closed her eyes, shook her head and began to laugh, what was he going to do with this man? He was offering to adopt Gates' husband to lock in his position as her partner.

When she opened her eyes again she gave Castle a sideways glance, he was beaming.

Castle loved her laugh. It meant all was right in the world of Beckett. What he would give to hear that laugh every day of the rest of his life.

Kate slid closer to him so their bodies rested against each other shoulder to hip.

He gently leaned into her and clasped her hand. His heart raced when she didn't pull away.

She murmured in the lowest of voices "We do fit."

The room was suddenly too crowded. Castle wanted to be anywhere with her, other than in a room full of people, "Ready to go?"

With her free hand, Kate reached over and began outlining lazy circles on his bicep. "What about cake?"

Castle reached for the hand that was doing crazy things to his arm and spun her towards him. He looked into the depths of her eyes and said with a devilish smile, "I'll give you a cake."

Kate's cheeks reddened, she knew he wasn't talking about cake.


	9. I lied

_**Chapter 9 –' I lied'**_

_**Disclaimer – same as before, not mine.  
>Thanks for the reviews. Keep them coming.<strong>_

The ride back to her apartment was filled with a warm comfortable silence. Castle had stretched his arm across her shoulders. Kate had tucked herself into the crook of his arm. Their breathing was in sync.

The town car stopped in front of her apartment. Her 120 minutes were up. She was ready. She hoped he was. Castle looked for a sign, any sign that he would be invited up.

Kate turned to meet his eyes, placed a tentative hand on his thigh "Rick?" and gave it a tender squeeze "take a walk?"

Hmm 'a walk?' Not what he had in mind but her eyes looked so hopeful. He rolled with it, anything to let the evening continue. "Love to."

Castle scurried out of the car, opened her door and offered her a hand. He was happy to see that she hadn't put her gloves on. Skin to skin.

She took his hand, laced her fingers with his, grateful to have something to hold onto. Her knees felt weak, they say confession is good for the soul. Kate was having her doubts.

They began to walk away from her apartment. Castle tucked their entwined hands into the pocket of his overcoat, pulling her closer. "You warm enough?"

Kate gave him a fleeting sideways glance and a hurried nod. He knew she was deep in thought. Kate's nervous gnawing of her bottom lip was her tell, something was up.

Castle wanted to ask where they were going or what she was thinking. He was certain he would frighten her off if he spoke. He could handle the silence, the aimless midnight walk in the frigid night air, he couldn't handle her leaving.

She knew that he was waiting on her, she could feel it in the way his steps slowed and his hand clenched and unclenched hers. Kate stopped and turned to face him, with her free hand she ran a finger across the crinkles at the edge of his eyes, wondering if this was the last time she would be allowed to touch him.

Kate knew she shouldn't. It wasn't fair. She had to taste him again.

Her fingers slipped to his lips. She felt his warm breath on her fingers as she moved towards him. Their eyes were locked as she replaced her fingers with her lips.

The kiss started tentative, searching for confirmation that he wanted this too. He slipped a hand behind her head, tangling his fingers in her hair and pulling her closer as their kiss deepened. Their breathing increased, their tongues tangled, darting in and out exploring each other. Kate let out a soft moan as Castle began trailing kisses down her neck only to return to her mouth with a hunger that made her chest ache.

Tears began to well in Kate's eyes. A disobedient tear rolled down her cheek. Castle's eyes filled with uncertainty as he pulled away to wipe away her tear.

She quickly shut her eyes, blinked several times and rested her forehead on his chin. Her breathing was became ragged, it sounded like she was gulping for air. He tucked an errant hair behind her ear.

She gathered all of her courage, pulled the icy cold air into her lungs. Exhaled as if a knife was being pulled from her heart and whispered "I lied."


	10. Standing Still

Chapter 10 – Standing Still

_**Disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer –not mine and never will be mine.**_

Time stood for Rick Castle. He knew this moment would come, when the truth would come out. He thought it would be easier to hear, having known for months that she had been lying. It wasn't. Time had made it was easier to rationalize the lie, but hearing her say it still cut to his very core.

He flashed back to the first time he suspected she was lying. That day on the swing-set, Kate had talked in circles giving him hope but telling him nothing. He had told her 'I am still mad' and he was.

Following their chat in the park Castle returned home and realized just he wasn't just mad, he was angry. It replayed in his mind like he was living it again….

_Castle's rage continued to eat at him, burning out from the center of his heart. He downed the last of his scotch and whipped his glass at his murder board – hitting her square between the eyes. The glass shattered, the melting ice cubes dripped down the murder board like tears. _

_Martha shrieked "Richard! What the hell is going on? What happened at the book signing?"_

"_Mother not now, get out."_

"_Richard, do you think I am going to just walk out of here because you told me to?"_

"_You want to hear it Mother, because it's not pretty. You are the ONE that told me 'Richard use your words'. I used my words. I told her how I felt. Three months no call, no email – not even a letter and now she's lying to me."_

_Martha let out an uncensored gasp "You saw Beckett?"_

"_Yes, she showed up at the book signing" he crumpled to the couch "she stood in line and asked me to sign her book. I could barely look at her. Three months and nothing, then there she is standing in front of me. I signed her book, sent her on her way and finished my job."_

_Martha hesitated for a moment "And?"_

_Castle scrubbed his face with his hands. "She waited for me."_

_Martha had crossed the room to sit beside her son "That's a good thing, right?"_

"_I don't know. Maybe, we talked. She broke up with Josh, but flat out told me she isn't ready for 'the kind of relationship she wants, until a wall comes down' Why would she tell me that she didn't want a relationship if she hadn't heard me?"_

"_Kiddo, it doesn't sound like she didn't say she heard you."_

"_Avoidance is the same as lying."_

_Martha moved closer to her son. "What little I know of Kate Beckett is it took a tremendous effort for her to come to you. Possibly it's not about not loving you, or not wanting to hear it but not being ready for it."_

"_Just leave Mother."_

_Martha knew she should stay silent, but couldn't. "Richard, darling…you have secrets too."_

Castle snapped back to the present. Kate stood staring at the cold hard cement, afraid to look up, her forehead pressing further into his chin, fingers nervously playing with the cuffs of her coat.

Castle tipped back his head, reached out placing a finger on her chin and gently guided her eyes up to meet his eyes. "I know."

_**PS. Don't you love a cliff hanger?**_


	11. Confessions

**Chapter 11 – Confessions**

**Disclaimer – if I could create characters like this, I wouldn't write fanfic. **

Kate's chin tipped skyward, but her eyes were locked on the ground. At least he hadn't walked away, no that was her MO.

She struggled with the demon inside, the demon that yelled at her to say 'go home Castle, go home.' Isn't that what she always said? When he was so close he crawled inside her skin and made her question herself.

Kate jammed her hands into her pockets, so that he couldn't see her clenching her hands into fists and slowly raised her eyes to meet his gaze "How long?

He moved his hand from her chin to rest on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. Castle wasn't sure if his motivation for placing his hand on her shoulder was to reassure her they could get through this or to make sure she didn't run.

He tried a faint smile, "Perhaps since the hospital or that day on the swings or the day we dug the coed out of the cement. Certainly since sniper case."

In return she gave him a weak smile and her eyes asked the question her mouth wouldn't "How?"

Castle wanted to tell her she was cold, her teeth were chattering and they should go inside, after all her apartment was only a few blocks away. To break the moment might threaten the honesty of it.

"The only one that matters is what Esposito shared with me about PTSD, that it's a self-contained prison. And as part of self-preservation you, like many others, would do anything possible to shove your memories back in a box. That by locking them up in a box, you could pretend they didn't' happen. Just like you said in the hospital 'some things are better not remembered'."

Kate's eyes filled with guilt. "It wasn't that I wanted to forget what you said, it was completely tangled up with everything else. I needed perspective, untangle my mind."

Castle's eyes questioned her "is there more?" He loved how they could talk with their eyes. He allowed himself a silent chuckle a writer who preferred silent eye talk over words was a bit of an oxymoron.

She answered "I wasn't ready."

Castle hoped she was ready to dive in, dive in with him. "Are you ready now?"

"I want to be, I've been working towards it." A hint of a playful smile graced her face. "Working towards you."

His heart skipped a beat, did she say 'you' meaning me. "How?"

"I've been seeing someone."

The fleeting look of pain in his eyes didn't go unnoticed. She reached out and squeezed his arm. It felt good to touch him again. "Hey, not like that…his name is Dr. Burke, the department shrink who cleared me for active duty. He's been helpful, painful at times, but very helpful."

Castle nodded his head. A touch of the twinkle was back in his blue blue eyes.

Kate started talking and couldn't stop. Months, no years of pent up feelings and emotions started tumbling out of her mouth.

"You have been my everything. I betrayed you. It's was wrong of me to need to breath above your right to know the truth. I know you don't say things without meaning them, but part of me was afraid you said it only because you thought I was dying. Or you said it too early, because you didn't say it again. At the same time I was relieved you didn't say it again. I wasn't ready, I was torn - do I say I heard you but can't handle it or find out you wish you hadn't said it, or do I lie?"

Castle opened his mouth to speak. She brought her fingers to his lips to silence him, tentatively brushing her thumb across his lips.

"When I returned after the summer and saw how angry you were with me, how hurt you were ...I was such a mess I didn't know how to undo the lie without hurting you more. I didn't want to, I couldn't hurt you again. I refused to risk losing you over the lie. So I continued to deny I heard you - it was selfish, it was wrong. I needed you so badly when I returned, to have lost you then would have crushed me. I was no...I 'm still so damaged and I still need you. But now if you choose to walk away - I can handle it, I will understand."

_**PS. Thanks for the reviews. My apologies for writing such short chapters, but I like to keep you guessing and I pretend that the end of each chapter is a commercial break. **_


	12. Race the Wind

_**Chapter 12 – Race the Wind**_

_**Disclaimer – Will never be mine.**_

Kate fumbled with her clutch, she could shoot a Glock but a tiny clasp was becoming her undoing. Keys finally in hand she shuffled through them until she located her apartment key, inserted it into the lock and pushed the door open. Kate shook off her coat, leaving it in a heap at the front door.

She bee lined for her bedroom, kicked off her CFMs, slid out of her dress, let down her hair and scrubbed her face. After a quick look at herself in the mirror she dismissed her bloodshot eyes, red from tears. Tears that felt good, confession was good for the soul.

Castle headed for the kitchen, unbuttoning his overcoat on the way. He tossed his heavy winter coat on a nearby barstool and began taking off his tie as he opened the fridge door. He was thrilled to find the ingredients for hot coco. After all wasn't hot coco laced with Bailey's chicken soup for the adult soul?

He carried the coco over to the couch, placed it on a nearby end table and shrugged out of his tuxedo jacket. Took a quick sip of coco and relaxed into the couch. It felt good to sit, his eyes began to flutter shut. Castle roused himself from near sleep as he heard the sound of bare feet slapping against the hard wood floor.

He opened his eyes in time to watch her walk towards him. As sexy as she was in that dress, with that hair and makeup, Castle preferred casual Kate. Only a select few were allowed to see stripped down Kate, like she was now. Wearing a form fitting grey tank top with pale blue striped pajama pants rolled down at the waist band.

Her pj's rode low, exposing the soft spot below her jutting hip bone. His eyes were instantly drawn to her tattoo. It looked like writing, but he wasn't certain. Kate caught him staring, stepped closer to him, rolled her waistband lower and gathered up her top so he could see.

_**Isaiah**_

_**49:15-16**_

Castle furrowed his brow, trying to decipher the meaning. He reached out and traced a fingertip over the tiny tattoo, each letter and each number…one by one. "It's moments like this I wish I had paid more attention in theology class." He glanced up to meet her eyes.

"It's for my mom." Kate took his hand in hers, tracing the lines of his palm as she spoke _"See I will not forget you; I have carved you on the palm of my hand."_

"Perfect." He tugged her to the couch, making sure she landed next to him. "Although, I'm a bit disappointed I didn't notice it in LA when you were wearing that smoking hot bathing suit." Kate gave him her signature eye roll and swatted his thigh. The difference was Kate left her hand resting on his thigh. "Not only is it strategically placed to accommodate almost any bathing suit, I think your eyes were on 'the girls.'"

Castle waggled his eyebrows at her "Guilty as charged."

He ran a soothing hand over her hair. "What a night."

She gave him a playful smile, "I'll say, nobody ran."

"Running is your thing." Castle teased.

Kate settled into the crook of his arm and softly burrowed her head into his shoulder. "You dragging me upstairs I didn't get a chance to finish what I was saying."

She could feel the chuckle rise up out of his chest, as he teased "Between your teeth chattering and my fear you would tell me to go home, I thought it best to get us inside as quickly as possible."

Kate smiled into his chest "I don't plan on sending you home." She felt a slight blush creep up her neck. "But that doesn't mean I am brave enough to hear it again or to say it in return, but I am so exhausted from standing still. Rick…" She sat up and turned to face him, a smile gradually spread across her face, as she look deep into his eyes, "…what I do know is that I want to race the wind and want you by my side to see where the wind takes us."

Castle snaked his hand up her back, closing off the remaining space between their bodies. He ducked his head to whisper in her ear, "See there you go doing that running thing again." He placed tiny kisses along her jawline, while gradually twisting his fingers in her long curling hair as he pulled her towards him and kissed her.

'_Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.'- Princess Bride._

_**PS. I just couldn't do the kiss justice, so I deferred to one of my favorite books.**_


	13. Beautiful Eyes

_**Chapter 13 – Beautiful Eyes**_

**Disclaimer – AWM and ABC still won't sell them. So I borrow them. Trying a new thing anything in **_**italics **_**is a flash back. Let me know if it is fails.**

Kate was buried in her phone as she walked to her desk. She jerked her head up as the corner of her eye registered the variegated tulips neatly placed on her desk. She was going to kill him. They had agreed over morning coffee, nothing at work was going to change… and yet there sat a massive vase of flowers. How was she going to hide them without anyone catching her? All she needed was Gates putting two and two together. That would make life hell.

Faster than Kate could concoct a plan, Esposito's hand swooped down into the middle of the flowers and plucked out the card, Kate panicked. _'Shit, shit, shit.'_ "Espo hand it over."

Esposito whirled around giving her his back, teasing her by waving the card out of reach. "Oh no, Beckett – you know what it takes to get one over on you?"

Kate grabbed his arm and pulled it around behind his back. "Give it back?" she demanded. "Fight you for it." Esposito crumpled it tightly into his fist. "Bring it on." She said as she began to bend and twist his wrist.

Victory was hers as she forced him to open his hand and drop the card. "Told you so."

Esposito dove to the ground, grabbed the card and ran towards the men's room. He knew he only had a few seconds before she followed him. Kate was racing to follow him when Gates popped her head out of her office "Something I need to know about?" Kate could see Gates eyeing the flowers and hung her head

"No, Sir". Kate returned to her desk. What did it matter anyway? It was too late to stop Esposito from reading the card. She silently prayed Castle hadn't written anything too ridiculous.

Esposito ripped open the envelope and read the card "Think of you. Bruce_." '_Bruce, who the hell was Bruce?'

Esposito whipped out his phone to text Lanie: _**Who is Beckett's Bruce?**_

Lanie was quick to respond: _**No fing clue.**_

Lanie's next text was to Kate: _**Who is Bruce? Why the hell is he sending you flowers?**_

Kate's phone vibrated signaling a new text. She was sure it was Castle checking on his flowers. Kate spotted Esposito marching towards her, his face was beat read and his cheeks were puffing in and out. No way was she looking at her phone when he could peep at it.

Esposito tossed the card on the desk, snatched the flowers and stomped off.

Kate was baffled, what did that card say? She picked up the card and started to silently chuckle. Kate was right; Castle had written a ridiculous card. What she underestimated was how clever he was. Tears started to trickle out of the corners of her eyes from trying to contain her laughter, when suddenly she felt a smack on the back of the head.

"Who is Bruce?" Lanie demanded.

Kate rubbed the back of her head in an attempt to lessen the sting. Kate looked up to see Lanie and Esposito standing side by side with their arms crossed, wearing equally menacing looks.

Esposito was the first to speak "You heard the lady, who is Bruce?"

Kate put on her best poker face and shot her death stare at her interrogators. "What's it to you?"

Lanie spewed at her like a fire eating dragon "That man has followed you around for four years, you grind on him at a wedding, leave arm in arm and two days later you are getting flowers from another man!"

Esposito jumped in "You don't do that to a man."

Kate took the opportunity to turn the tables "Oh, so does that little hip and grind action you two were demonstrating at Ryan's wedding mean YOUR together?"

_****_

Castle's phone buzzed, his heart buzzed, her buzz. He fumbled through his breast pocket to retrieve his phone. She must have received the flowers. His heart dropped like a brick when the text was from her, but all work: _**Body, Battery and State. ETA in?**_

Castle swallowed the taste of acid in his mouth. No mention of flowers, of Sunday night, Monday morning or even the coffee they had met for at the diner early this morning. He answered with a simple: _**Ok.**_

The diner this morning flashed back through his mind. By the end of coffee he felt like it was a mini business meeting to strike a deal, except there was no negotiating. Kate laid down the rules:

No touching;

No terms of endearment;

Reiteration of no touching – watch the personal space thing;

No talking about after work at work;

No one was to know.

He wasn't an idiot, Castle knew Kate was fiercely private and Gates would…well who knew what Gates would do, but it wouldn't be a good thing. Castle still had to be Castle – if he wanted to send flowers he would. If he wanted to tease her, he would. He just needed to find a way to reach her without breaking the rules. That's when the devilish idea came to him, he needed an alter ego. Operation 'Keep Beckett Guessing' was conceived.

Castle was a trickster at heart. He had the cab drop him off a block before the crime scene, allowing him to slowly walk up and observe Kate before she knew he was there. He could tell by her walk she was a bit off her game.

Kate's mind couldn't help but wander. She tried to be strict and stern with Castle, laying down the 'rules'. She only did it because she knew it would be a little strange to see him back at work after the other night and the next morning. How old was she? Kate was just hoping he wouldn't have on cufflinks…

_The kiss was perfect, tender, questioning, passionate and demanding more. Kate knew Castle would be a great kisser, after all according to Page Six he had had plenty of practice. What she wasn't ready for was how free she felt with him. She couldn't shake the image of slowly undressing him, as he watched her through hooded eyes. Telling him 'Time for me to take care of you' as she unbuttoned his buttons one by one, kissing his chest as she went. Wishing he didn't have a t-shirt on. Slowly unscrewing first the right cufflink and butterfly kissing his wrist. Then taking left his arm that was playing with her hair and placing it in her lap, drawing lazily circles on his palm repeating "See I will not forget you; I have carved you on the palm of my hand." As she slipped his left cufflink out of its prison and bent to kiss his palm….._

That was his in - get her while she was distracted. Castle hit send on the phone hidden in his coat pocket.

He slowed his walk so he could watch as Kate slipped her vibrating phone from her pocket. A sheepish grin spread across his face as he watched her read her phone with a puzzled look on her face. Of course he already knew what the text said, he had sent it_**: Do you know what the flowers mean?**_

Kate felt the hairs on the back of her neck bristle. Outside of work only a select few had her number and to get a blocked call freaked her out. Maybe Castle hadn't sent the flowers.

Castle quickened his pace as he saw her furiously searching her phone and selecting a number. He was upon her when he heard her say, "Beckett here, I need a trace on a blocked number."

Castle's heart beat faster as he reached around her, snatched the phone from her hand and hit end. Oh boy, she was furious. Her eyebrows arched, her lips were pursed and she was glaring at him. "Castle, don't ever, EVER, do that again."

"It was a burner" he half ducked, just in case she hit him.

Kate's eye grew larger than life then instantly returned to an icy stare "A burner? What was a burner?"

He thought to himself 'Oh no, not that look.' "The phone."

"Start talking."

Castle looked around to make sure no one could hear, "Bruce got a burner."

Her mouth said "Crime scene Castle." Her eyes either said "Brilliant or you're a dead man." Castle wasn't sure which but he couldn't help but pleased with himself. How could he not be pleased with himself? Castle's mind kept replaying Sunday night in his head.

…_she was kissing his palm, then stood and began to walk away. Only to turn over her shoulder and said in a voice he had only dreamed of "Rick you coming?" as she headed towards her bedroom. At first he didn't know if he should follow her or not. It was as close to an out of body experience he had ever had he levitated to the threshold of her bedroom. _

_Kate was standing in the middle of her room, both unsure of who should lead. He took a step into the room and his eyes took in every detail. Her bedroom was an eclectic combination of French Modern Couture and traditional French Chateau, so very her. What fascinated him most was the ceiling to wall book case. He turned his back to her to inspect it. All hard bound books – a real collector, the shelves organized alphabetically by author then by date of publication. _

_Castle's eyes skipped to the "Cs" – not one of his books was there. He heard a throaty laugh and felt fingers ruffling the back of his hair. Castle's heart skipped a beat, his voice caught in his throat – how could a single touch render him incoherent. And then Kate was gone. He turned to look for her. She was sitting cross legged on her bed pointing to her night stand. "Rick, looking for these?" _

_And there in the night stand, beside her bed, which was really a modified book case, was the complete collection of his books and only his books._

_ Castle found his voice "Why two copies of 'In a Hail of Bullets?"_

_ Kate smirked at him, no she was daring him. "Come on over and I'll show you." _

Castle's throat grew dry, he reached up and gave himself the best possible Three Stooges face slaps and said "Crime scene Castle."


	14. A Little More Sunday Night

_**Chapter 14 – A Little More Sunday Night**_

_**Disclaimer – not my characters, 'till death do us part' the rest is mine. Republished do to wrong title and corrected some typos.**_

Castle continued towards the body, relieved that Kate had turned and walked back to the tape line to talk to one of the local beat cops. He knew he couldn't meet Kate's eyes. Replaying the other night at a crime scene was not his brightest idea. He was sure if he met her eyes and he caught the slightest glimpse of 'at home Kate' he would say something wildly inappropriate.

Esposito held up his good arm "Stop, right there. You're not to be trusted."

"What did I do?" Castle usually knew what he was guilty of.

Esposito jammed a finger in the air over Castle's shoulder "Not you, her."

Castle glanced over his shoulder to watch Kate approach them, scratch that – it better be Beckett at work or he was going to be a rule breaker. Her walk was something that would never get old. Her hips swayed just so – saying sexy, her posture said – confident/in control, and her shoes said – _'you have no idea'_. Castle finished his mental inventory of Beckett's walk, only to notice that she was gnawing on the corner of her lip. Her mind was somewhere else….

_Kate scooted over and patted the edge. Rick tentatively sat down as she reached over and grabbed the first copy of "In a Hail of Bullets." Kate handed it to him. _

"_It feels heavier and thicker than I remember."_

_She rested a hand on his thigh "It's where I keep my gun, my badge and cuffs. Slip off the cover."_

_Castle's heart raced, his fingers fumbled, she knew it was hard for him to concentrate with her hand on his thigh. When he finally removed the cover Castle saw the key pad and laughed "I need one of these – where did you get it."_

_Kate's eyes dipped, feeling a little guilty "Will had it made for me, gave it to me as a birthday present." It was always weird talking about previous relationships, not something she wanted to make a habit. _

"_Great give him a call and find out where, I really REALLY need one."_

_Kate looked at him with a mixture of surprise and confusion. "You don't even have a gun and you keep your chocolate badge in the freezer."_

_Castle waggled his eyebrows as he leaned in and nibbled on her earlobe "But I have cuffs."_

_Kate playfully swatted at his chest – "You don't need to lock up the fur lined kind."_

Kate was on auto pilot walking towards them, Esposito's voice brought her back to the present. "Huh? What?"

Esposito repeated himself "You heard me, stay away. You're not to be trusted."

An indignant Kate asked, "Me! Who stole whose personal property?"

"You tried to 'chickenwing' me." Esposito turned to Castle "Watch it bro, she's in a mood" and stomped off.

"Really a chickenwing? Over what?"

Her mouth said "Nothing." Her eyes twinkled and said "Tell ya later."

And just like that Beckett was back to work,"Lanie, what do you have for us?"

Lanie threw back "Does Bruce know about this 'us'"

Castle prayed his face remained stoic and that his internal happy dance didn't come out to make an appearance. Lanie knew about Bruce…this was going to be good.

"Beckett, have you been holding out on me?" Castle couldn't resist "Whose Bruce?"

Kate's eyes narrowed, she jammed her hands in her pocket and delivered her best death stared "Castle it's called a private life for a reason" and barked at Lanie "Give me a break – time of death?"

Lanie started to rattle off the details of the case.

Death was the last thing on Castle's mind. He couldn't stop revisiting Sunday night.

_Rick leaned back on her bed. His feet still firmly planted on the ground and 'In a Hail of Bullets' clutched to his chest. Kate leaned back against the headboard and teased "If you want one that badly, I'll call him." Between the look on his face and his lack of response she knew he wasn't paying attention. It took her a minute to gather the nerve to ask "Is this too much for you?"_

_His eyes fluttered open "No, it just not the way I imagined it."_

"_Is that a bad thing?" He was worrying her._

_His right hand unclenched the book and began to play with the arch of her foot. "Yes."_

_A look of pain flashed across her face only to be quickly masked by her poker face. Rick rolled on his side to face her and pulled her feet closer to his chest "Hey, don't look like that."_

_Kate pulled her feet away and stood up. "Then what?"_

_Rick didn't like the look of her crossed arms. If he stood up, she might shove him out the door. Instead he kicked off his shoes and curled up at the foot of her bed, "I always pictured courting you. You know a first date, a kiss at the door, you telling me to leave. Second date we fall asleep together on my couch while watching a movie. Third date you let me cuddle with you while you fall asleep and I let myself out." _

_Kate returned to bed. Back leaned up against the headboard, knees pulled to her chin and her hair falling free – teasing him. He took her contemplative pose as a hint to continue "I thought I would know if you slept on the right side or the left side, if you slept in the nude, with or without socks, if you cared if I used your closet to hang up my clothes before bed. I'd know if you brush your teeth even when you got up to pee in the middle of the night, if you cared if I borrowed your toothbrush, if I'd be allowed to go to the station with you if you were called in at some obscene hour of the night, if…"_

_She crawled towards him and placed a finger over his lips "Rick stop." Kate continued her seductive crawl until she rolled him to his back and straddled him. He playfully tugged on her hair, "I can't, I'm a writer – life is about the details." He took a deep breath and moved his hands to her waist, brushing his thumbs across her hips "I don't want to screw this up."_

_Kate beamed as she caressed the corners of his eyes, where his crinkles showed how much he enjoyed life. "I start on the right side, by your books and the bathroom, end up in the middle. Hell to me would be life without toothbrushes, but I don't share. Do you see any clothes on the floor?"_

_He tried to get up to look around, but she pushed him back down and pressed her chest to his and spoke into his mouth. "The building is old, in the winter – clothes on, but…" her tongue trailed across his lips "…if the occasion presents itself happy to take them off, in the summer – clothes off."_

_Rick couldn't resist any longer and he kissed her. He kissed her until they both came up gasping for air. Kate rolled off of him, lying on her back beside him "How about this – this once I will let you use my toothbrush, because I'll use the one in my purse and toss that one away." She turned to curl her face into the curve of his neck, in a hush toned she said "Or we could just make it yours and leave it here. You hang up your clothes in my closet, we skip to date number 3, I fall asleep wrapped in your arms and you stay."_

_Rick jumped to his feet and headed to the bathroom, "Don't have to ask me twice." He glanced at his books and fought a smirk 'Dumbass Dr. Motorcycle Boy' had to see his books every time he stayed over. Okay bad imagery Dumbass in her room, but still – it felt good to know he had been sleeping next to her for years. Watching over her._

_Castle quickly brushed his teeth, fixed his hair, and began to strip to his boxers. Couldn't go to bed in a tux could he? He examined himself in the full length mirror…shit, shit double shit. His eyes were glued to the image of himself in just his boxers. Batman boxers…glow in the dark Batman boxers. Castle would have never worn them if he knew anyone would see them. Alexis had given the boxers to him for Christmas. Kate was going to have a field day with this one._

_The only solution was to 'bite the bullet'. Castle stood ramrod straight, plastered a smile on his face and marched out of the bathroom with his clothes neatly folded over his arm. He waited for a reaction, there wasn't one. She wasn't there. He pursed his lips, headed to the closet to hang up his clothes. He floundered in the dark – no need to make Batman glow any brighter. _

_Kate still hadn't returned. Castle slip into the left side of the bed propped his head up the pillows one arm casually flung over his head – too much armpit hair. Should he have kept his t-shirt on? Castle readjusted to cross his arms – nope too reserved, too closed off. Castle tried draping an arm across her pillow - too forward. He settled for lying on his side to hug a pillow and stare at the spot she would lay – hmmm perfect._

_Then he saw her – roh roh, the pj pants and tank top were gone. There she stood in the shortest of boy shorts with the waist band rolled down and a loose almost translucent ¾ t-shirt. Kate smirked as she felt his eyes take inventory. "Said I didn't sleep naked, didn't say I wore a snowsuit to bed."_

_Castle's face broke into a grin as he flipped back the covers on her side of the bed "No objections here. I was afraid you ran." He watched as she deftly slipped a __Ruger SP101.357_ _Magnum_ _in between the mattress and box spring as she_ _crawled into bed beside him._

_Kate's face flashed, what could only be called a sultry smile. "Why would I run?" She settled in beside him, curling on her side to face him, bringing them eye to eye. "Last thing I do every night is a final sweep of my apartment…someone still wants me dead."_

_Castle gulped repeatedly, sadness replaced the happiness in his eyes. Kate held her green eyes to his blue eyes, not even a blink. She reached out and ran her fingers across his cheek, settling on the soft spot behind his ear "Rick? Hey Rick, it's okay, I'm okay – thought you wanted the details." Her voice finished in a question._

_Castle let out a sigh "I do, but some details hurt." Kate closed the remaining space between them…_

Kate's voice snapped him back to the body at his feet "Castle, Castle – if you have someplace better to be, just go already."

Lanie was pretending to take notes as she watched the two of them. Lanie's heart went out to Write Boy – whoever Bruce was, really had him rattled. Castle wasn't looking at Beckett or making his signature sarcastic remarks. "Writer Boy you okay? If it helps Javier and I were just as surprised as you about Bruce."

Wait! Was that an eye smile from Beckett to Writer Boy.

Lanie had been around the two of them and their crazy ass eye talk long enough to know that Kate was amused, almost had a little smile. Never one to shy away from something she wanted to know. "Beckett, you seeing Bruce tonight?"

Before her mind could control her mouth Kate blurted out "Hope so" and shot Castle a hopeful look. Did Writer Boy's eyes crinkle into a smile as he dragged his eyes away from hers?

Lanie smiled like a Cheshire cat, a smile that said _'Got you girlfriend.'_

**PS. Castle once said if he was a comic hero he would be Bruce Wayne aka Batman. Hope that explains why 'Bruce' is his alias. As you may be able to tell – I got myself into a jam by jumping to the first day of work because that idea came to me first. Then the whole first night they spent together popped into my head, hence the flashbacks. Publishing a chapter at a time, writing one chapter at a time, with no real plan and only allowing 1 hour per chapter was/is not my brightest idea. But let's see where it takes us.**


	15. Riding In Cars

_**Chapter 15 – Riding in Cars**_

_**My apologies, Chapter 14 – had the wrong title, should have been "A Little more Sunday Night." And it had way to many few typos. I need a proof reader. **_

They road back to the station in silence - each, unbeknownst to the other, each had returned to Monday morning.

_Castle slowly woke up, he didn't want to open his eyes and find out last night was a dream. Hmm maybe it wasn't a dream? He had never smelled coffee in a dream before. He began to feel around the bed, searching for her. Ahhh there she was…his fingers brushed against the softness of her thigh. He walked his fingers up to the edge of her shorts and gave them a gentle tug. She responded by placing a hand in his hair and delicately arranging what he knew was crazy spikey bedhead._

"_Coffee?"_

"_Any good?"_

_Kate snorted "Not sure a guy in Batman Boxers is allowed to question my coffee making skills."_

_Castle's face reddened and he quickly reached to grasp the duvet to shield himself, only to realize he was safely hidden under the covers. "You peeked!" he squeaked._

_She set down her coffee cup slid under the covers and tugged at his waist band. He felt his breath catch in his throat – "You're half naked in my bed and you don't expect me to sneak a peek?"_

_Castle reached out and gathered her into a bear hug, rolled her on top of him. "Did I measure up to your fantasies? Then rolled them again, he was on top of her with their legs tangled amongst the bedding. He brushed the hair from her face "Waiting for an answer."_

_Kate's body started rocking with laughter. She reached up and pulled his lip between her teeth, giving it a little bite. "Oh Ricky…I'll never tell." _

_Castle had always wondered if Kate Beckett was ticklish, now was the time to find out. Castle sat up and took a finger and began to trace letters over her left hip._

_Kate started to wiggle and giggle. "What are you writing?"_

_Yep – ticklish. "Visualizing how perfect 'fangirl' would look right here. Then your hips would have balancing tattoos."_

_Kate roared with laughter "Not on your life! 1 tat is enough for me."_

_Castle bent down to give her exposed tummy a kiss. He felt and hear the hitch in her breath as the trailed kisses over to where he had been writing 'fangirl' and began to make his own personal tattoo with his mouth._

_Kate swatted at his head and tried to squirm her way out of his grasp. He was stronger than she gave him credit for and she was weakened thru laughter. "Are you going to come up for air or what?" _

_He moved back to her belly "Hmm, could stay here all day…" Castle suddenly popped back up, leaned toward her face with his hair falling into a devilishly charming disheveled mess. "…I need to get going."_

_Kate's brows furrowed and she pursed her lips "Go?" Her hands roamed his back, willing him to stay._

_Castle hesitated for a moment, he really didn't want to tell her "I have a meeting with my…umm, mmm, well publisher at 10:30." He couldn't help but see a fleeting sting of pain in Kate's eyes._

_Kate held his eye, willing herself not to blink. "Castle I'm a big girl you can say her name."_

_Not good she called him Castle. He had really hoped it would be Rick when they were alone. She had said his first name so rarely that it felt special when she did. He even liked the way Kate said Ricky. Although he doubted he would get away with Katie._

_Castle dipped his head and captured her lips with his and in between kisses said "I know. I just know that I don't ever need to hear Dr. Motorcycle Boy's name EVER again, thought you might feel the same way about her name."_

_Kate began to return his kiss in earnest "Never thought you were the jealous possessive type."_

_Castle reached one hand up to tuck her hair behind her ear with his other hand he brushed away her furrowed brow. "You have no idea." _

Beckett maneuvered the Crown Vic into its spot. Their eyes met in the rear view mirror – they both said what where you think about.

It was just part of Castle's nature that he loved words, loved to speak and even though he knows his partner so well, this new twist to his relationship was reminding him that in their personal life he was going to need to take the lead. "Case running through your mind?"

Beckett dropped her eyes, gave a slight shake of her head a trailed a finger down his thigh to rest her hand on his knee giving him a light squeeze. "No…" the tone of her voice change "…thinking about waking up with you."

Castle thought his heart would stop, all he had to do was ask and he would receive. With a boyish grin he replied "Me too."

She turned toward him a bit more "It was nice."

"I know – it keeps playing on replay on my mind. It's similar to when I start to conceive an idea for a story or a chapter it starts to formulate in my mind and play over and over and over until I write it down."

Her stare was intense "You're going to write about us?" Her voice betrayed her and went up an octave "Us/Us?" She removed her hand from his knee and gestured between the two of them. "Us/us not Nikki and Rook?"

He hesitated. "I'd like to."

Beckett's eyes narrowed into slits as she leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms. "What would you do with it?"

He had to pick his words carefully, he desperately wanted to say for our kids – for your wedding present but Castle knew the words 'kids' and 'wedding' might send her down an all new kind of rabbit whole. "Keep it for us."

He could see the wheels turning in her head. Her shoulders drop and her arms uncrossed allowing her hands to land in her lap. He could see her struggling to keep them relaxed as she chewed on the bottom right corner of her lip. "And you wouldn't share it?"

"Only with you."

Beckett shot Castle a smile, the smile that made his insides turn to goo. "I'd like that…" she pulled the keys out of the ignition and turned to open the door, shot a very sultry smile over her shoulder and said "…but I'm still not getting a 'fangirl' tattoo." as she slammed the door, leaving him sitting alone in the car with a shit eating grin.


	16. Anticipation

_**Chapter 16 – **__**Anticipation**_

_**Don't own them, just borrow them. **_

As Castle and Beckett exited the elevator she couldn't decide if she should be excited or annoyed at the sprinkling of yellow that was perched on her desk. So much for keeping things status quo at work, it wouldn't take long for the boys and Lanie to catch on to 'Bruce'.

Beckett knew she should have told him to stop, but knew he would be hurt and heck – what girl doesn't love flowers? Castle quickly left her side and headed straight for the break room, he wasn't sure how she would react. Flowers twice in one day might be too much for Beckett. He settled for peering through the break room blinds as he made their coffee.

He hoped she was smart enough to look up the meaning of Forsythia. The florist obviously skipped his instructions to shape it up like a bonsai shaped heart. Maybe he was being too clever. The Forsythia was a little homeless looking.

Roh, Roh – she was shaking her head.

Beckett couldn't believe it Castle had sent her a small shrub, Forsythia. Not really the flowers she had in mind, were they even considered flowers? Who sends someone a shrub? It was more like a break up plant than a courting plant.

"Sorry bro." Castle jumped at the sound of Esposito's voice

In an attempt to be smooth Castle replied, "Sorry about what?"

"The new guy – the creep sent Beckett a tatty twig. I know you would have sprung for some roses."

Castle turned white – oh it had been a bad idea. His little plant looked hideous. "Um yeah, right – I need to um – hmm, go."

In a gesture of solidarity Esposito took a fist pounded his chest and threw a peace sign, as he watched a pasty faced Castle scurry off to the bathroom.

Beckett plucked the card out of the shrub _'Tonight 7pm? Bruce.' _Beckett was surprised at how her heart raced as she read the note. Beckett knew there was meaning behind the shrub, but what was it? Her phone buzzed in her pocket. It was a text from Bruce: _**Forsythia symbolizes Expectation/Anticipation - **__**looking forward; **__**especially**__:__** pleasurable expectation. **_

Beckett understood now, he couldn't wait for tonight. She quickly replied**: **_**Fingers crossed, but this case is hot.**_

Beckett glanced at her watch it was 6:40pm and she was still working up the murder board. She had sent Castle home at least an hour ago. Beckett had hoped she would get the case laid out and a plan of attack for the morning organized quicker without him distracting her and home by 6:00 in time to change. The case just wasn't cooperating. Beckett was in mid text: '_**8pm work?' **_ When Esposito called out "Beckett, we got a new lead." She could hear the reluctance in Esposito's voice. He must have plans with Lanie. "Ready to roll?"

"Give me five minutes." Beckett headed into the break room and called Castle. "Hey"

"Hey, guessing from your tone that eight isn't looking good." She could hear the resignation in his voice.

"We just caught a new lead. Esposito and I are headed out."

"I could meet you." His voice sounded hopeful, until he heard the weariness in her voice. "We have to drive out to Brookhaven. It'll be a long night and we have an early morning too."

The silence on the other end of the phone meant he was trying to think up reasons to join her, before he could come up with one she said. "Stay home and sleep for both of us."

Tuesday rolled into Wednesday. Wednesday bled into Thursday. Three days of nonstop work for Beckett and Esposito. Normally Beckett and Castle would take part of the case and Esposito and Ryan would attach another angle. Things were a little tight with Ryan off on his honeymoon. Beckett didn't think it was fair to have Esposito work alone or to pull in another officer. She would rather tough out the hours and keep it to her team, even if that meant no time for a date.

Castle understood the demands of her job. He had spent the past four years at her side working unpredictable hours, a schedule made by the hands of others. He just never thought he would be jealous of the hours she spent dedicated to it. The job had more alone time with her than he did. Once Beckett sunk her teeth into a case she wasn't letting go until she had solved, he respected that about her. Even when they were alone in the Crown Vic she was all work, 110% focused at the task at hand. Solve the case. How could he compete?

By Thursday night Castle had had enough. Beckett had once again sent him home, always by dinner time. He knew Beckett sent him home, in part because she felt guilty, guilty that she was keeping him from time with Alexis. That was one of Kate's most endearing qualities; she genuinely cared about his relationship with his daughter. Other women had said they admired how Castle loved and cared for his daughter, but they never really meant it or showed it, words were cheap.

Kate had never come out made a statement about Castle's parenting, she simply put Alexis first. Always. Never questioned if Alexis called and Castle needed to leave, she actually pushed him out the door. Most women Castle dated felt threatened because Alexis' was his priority, Kate embraced it.

All that aside Castle was done waiting for a date, or a few minutes where he could hold her in his arms and capture her lips with his. He knew Beckett and Esposito would be spending the evening combing through video tapes and stacks of paper. Nothing exciting or glamorous but he still wanted to be next to her, giving him the opportunity to breathe the air she breaths and just to watch her. At the same time Castle knew she wouldn't be happy if he popped by the precinct after he had gone home for the night. It was time for a different approach.

Around 9:00pm Castle checked in with Beckett and found out she was headed home within the hour. Castle grabbed a back pack and loaded it up with goodies from his fridge. Nothing too decadent, a bottle of red, a baguette, a sliver of Sottocenere, a collection of fresh fruit and the two pieces of Kee's Chocolate. Alexis THOUGHT she had hidden the Kee's from him, he'd buy her more. Not exactly a full meal, but a delectable late night snacks. And just for good luck he threw in a pair of clean jeans and a comfortable plaid flannel shirt. A guy can dream right?

It was just after 11:00pm when Beckett heard the ding of the elevator signal the arrival on her floor. Normally she would have taken the stairs, but tonight she was beat. All she wanted to do was slip out of the clothes she had been wearing for the past 36 hours, take a hot shower and sink into the tranquil abyss known as her bed.

She jerked her head up at the sight of Rick slumped against her door as he fought off sleep. His head would drop to his chest, only to jerk up; he would then rub the sleep out of his eyes and repeat. Rick repeated his routine 3 times before she reached her door.

Kate crouched down and kissed the tip of his nose. He reached out with one hand and pulled her on to his lap. His smile brightened as he asked "Are you real or a mirage?" She pressed her lips to his, slowly prodding his lips to open with the flick of her tongue. Castle deepened his kiss and muttered against her lips "Real."

Kate returned the intensity of his kiss "Been here long?"

His hands skimmed down her shoulders "About an hour" bringing her closer so that he could sniff her hair and run his fingers up the back of her neck.

Kate began to wiggle out of his grasp, but not before lacing his fingers with hers. She gave his arms a tug to help him to his feet. His back pack slipped off his shoulder and swung between their joined hands. "Movin' In?"

Castle gave a sheepish grin, "Maybe, but I brought snacks."

Kate gave a disapproving shake of her head, but he could tell by the look in her eyes she wasn't sending him home, at least not right now. She unlocked the door, flipped on the lights, reached up and brushed his hair off his forehand and gave him a quick kiss. Yep, he was staying.

"Give me fifteen?" Before he could answer she quickly hung up her coat and headed to her bedroom.

Castle made himself at home. He unpacked his goodies and artfully arranged them on the coffee table. He knew she would still be hungry. Work didn't allow for regular meals and definitely didn't provide wine. Castle was mid pour when she walked back in the room. The leather jacket, jeans and awe inspiring boots had been replaced by a well-loved New York Yankees t-shirt and nothing more.

Kate knew she would never tire of his appreciative inventory of her body. Ultimately she worked out for her own benefit, but watching his eyes skim over her body was a welcome fringe benefit. "Hey"

"Hey." Kate heard Castle gulp several times before he said "I am a patient man, but go put on some pants."

Kate laughed as she hiked up her t-shirt to expose a tantalizing pair of short – SHORT boy shorts. "What? No good?"

Castle bit his knuckle, shook his head no and gestured towards her bedroom.

Kate took a leisurely walk back to her bedroom. Castle's eyes were drawn to the sweet spot were her legs disappeared into her t-shirt. His teeth clamped down harder on his knuckle in an attempt to smother the moan he felt welling inside, he was home free until he let out a little sigh. Damn.

Kate slowly, seductively turned her head back over her shoulder. Rustled up her hair to a curly mound that she knew drove Castle insane and repeated "Still want me to change?"

Castle covered his eyes "Pants."

"Never thought I would hear Richard Castle tell me to put clothes on, maybe take them off, but put them on…never." He laugh echoed around the room as she left.

She returned moments later in a pair of overly large unflattering grey sweats, with the waist band rolled down, giving him a peek at her tummy. She knew he enjoyed looking at her flat stomach and running his fingers over her hips.

Castle's eyes looked her up and down "Better."

She knew he was dying to ask, but too afraid to ask whose pants they were. It was late and he brought snacks, she let him off the hook. "Not flattering, but when I stayed up at my Dad's over the summer I needed something I could manage without a struggle or pulling at stiches and staples."

Kate caught the look of pain flitted across his face. She knew he wasn't ready to hear about the time they had spent apart or the healing process. "Let's see what goodies you brought." The light returned to his face.

It was late. They had put away the remains of their picnic, placed the cushions back on the couch and stood staring at each other. That awkward moment where he either asked to stay or she invited him to stay had arrived. He couldn't get a read on her. Rick picked up his back pack, took his time zipping it, giving her a change to ask him to stay, she said nothing. He slowly headed towards the front door. He felt her arms slip around his waist and her chin rest on his shoulder. She began dropping tiny kisses across the back of his neck moving from one ear to the other. It was easier to show him he should stay then to ask him. Castle still wasn't certain, he summoned his courage "Are you asking me to stay or saying good night?"

Her arms tightened around his waist and she rested her cheek on his back. He felt her breathing quicken as she melded her body to his. It amazed him how she could be so open with her touches. All night some part of her was brushing, leaning or holding him but she couldn't ask him to stay. And yet, it was Kate who had asked him to stay the night of the wedding and now something was holding her back.

"I'm going to take that as a yes."

Kate buried her face in his back and whispered "Good."

Castle wore a silly little grin when he noticed that "his" tooth brush was carefully hanging next to hers. He knew which was which because she had written on the mirror in lipstick "Yours" and had a big blush pink arrow pointing towards it.

Castle emerged from her bathroom in his t-shirt and the sweats he had worn over to her place. He was tossing back the covers on his side of the bed when he heard "Drop 'em."

He turned around to see that between leaving the bedroom to do her final sweep of the apartment and now Kate had lost the baggy sweats. His heart began to race as he stammered "Drop what?" Why oh why did she have to show off those legs?

"Your pants."

"No way."

"Really? 'Mr. I'll Sign Your Chest' is becoming a prude?"

Castle desperately wanted an official first date before things went any further than kissing, touching and cuddling. It was easy the first night, because he didn't want to rush things, now she was testing him. "No, I need them for protection."

"Protection from what?" Her eyes dared him to say it.

He survived the dare "You."

"Well, then we are at a stale mate. Because there is no way you are getting in my bed in sweats that you most likely sat in a grimy cab in and I know you sat outside my door in."

It was all starting to making sense to him; Beckett is a bit of a clean freak. "One condition."

Her face wore a challenging smile as she slid her gun between the mattress and box spring and crawled in under the covers. "Condition?"

He crossed his arms and attempted to look stern "Yes, you go out with me on Friday night. A proper date. A first date."

The smile faded from her face "Can't. Rain check?"

He pursed his lips, removed his sweats "Plans?"

"Yes." She squinted at him, willing him to let it rest.

He slipped into bed beside her "Break them."

Her eyes lowered "Can't."

They were entering dangerous territory; each could tell the other wasn't going to back down. Rick knew by the look on her face and her terse one word answers that she didn't want to talk about it. But he needed to talk about it.

Kate's eyes silently pleaded with Castle to stop asking.

His fingers began to brush across her forearm "What are they?"

"Personal." He wasn't going to drop it.

She turned off the bedside lamp so he couldn't see her face. She didn't want to hurt him, but she wasn't ready to share that part of her life with anyone. Well, no one from her BS life. Dr. Burke had encouraged her to stop segmenting her life into time lines. Life before mom was shot - BM. Life after mom was shot - AM. Life before she had been shot or BS (before sniper) as she like to call it and then there was AS (after sniper) She still had her demons and time lining her life by tragic events was still one of them. Dr. Burke challenged her to begin to define her life by happy moments, she still wasn't there.

Not the way she had wanted to go to bed, thinking about Dr. Burke. Laying in the dark side by side with Rick, not touching, surrounded by silence. It was crazy how alone she felt with him lying that close to her, it was her own doing. She was shutting him out. Kate knew he was hurt, but she wasn't sure she was ready for Rick to see her so raw. She didn't think she could go through with it if he was there.

The bed creaked as Castle turned on to his side, leaving her his back. It would be easier to leave than to stay. But what were they even fighting about? Was it a fight? It felt like a fight, telling him it was 'personal' cut like a knife. He wanted in. He thought the walls were down.

Kate knew that she had to make the first move, she could feel his pain radiating beside her as he let out little huffs of air. Kate rolled to her side; reaching a hand out across the cold darkness to run her fingers across his forearm until she found his hand. She struggled to link her fingers with his, his hand remained clenched. Kate inched her body closer so she could whisper in his ear, even if though no one but Castle could hear her. They were alone.

Her warm breath played on his cheek, he knew she was trying. That her way was with a look or a touch not words. He opened his hand to hers in a silent peace offering.

Hidden in the darkness a silent tear slipped from her eye. She clutched his hand tighter. "You could meet me there." To have him there would let him see how far she had come and how much more work she had to do. Kate knew it wasn't as scary as she was making it out to be, but every step in the healing process stung in its own unique way.

Castle's mind was reeling. Meet her where? He already knew about Dr. Burke and Roger and didn't think she would refuse to tell him if she was meeting with one of them.

He turned to face her.

She buried her face in his chest.

He whispered in return "I'd be honored."


	17. Secret Society

_**Chapter 17 – Secret Society**_

The case wrapped up midday, leaving a mountain of paperwork. Kate sent Castle home shortly after lunch. She told him she would give him the address later. It was only a 10 minute cab ride from his place and that the attire was casual, jeans casual not Castle casual.

Castle knew that Kate was holding out on the address to prevent him from researching it. He sat at home waiting for her to call or text. Castle was never very good at killing time, he needed to be busy. What was Castle casual? At first he tried on several outfits, until he checked himself out in the mirror and thought _'Is this what teenage girls go through?'_

Castle settled on jeans straight out of the wash, iron virgins, t-shirt covered by a plaid shirt and an Aussie style duster. Following his personal fashion show, Castle tried writing. His mind was otherwise occupied. His ability to concentrate on anything other than what Kate might up to was lacking. She had been slightly on edgy all day, even a bit distant. He had tried repeatedly to tease it out of her, his jokes fell flat. The best response he had gotten as a few classic Beckett eye rolls and a brief squeeze of the hand, right before she sent him home.

At 6:40pm his phone finally vibrated, signally a text from Kate, he was discouraged that it wasn't a phone call: _**Look for the black-hued entrance that's down a set of metal stairs with a white "19**__**th**__**Hole" stenciled above the doorway. If you need another clue, there's an American Flag spray-painted near the entrance. If the door is locked, go ahead and ring the buzzer so they'll let you in.**_

The cabbie pulled up in front of a row of non-descripted east village walk ups. Castle hesitated for a moment, when out of the corner of his eye Castle caught the spray-painted flag which led his eye to the white 19th hole lightly etched above an old wooded door. He jumped out of the cab with renewed excitement; he thought he knew all the secret little haunts of New York City. If he hadn't had the clue about the American flag he might have never found the hidden gem. That was the point, wasn't it?

Sure enough the door was locked. It took a minute to locate the recessed buzzer in the old wooden door. This place, whatever it was, most likely remained completely unknown even to some of its own neighbors.

Castle tentatively pulled the door open when he heard the buzzer signaling the door was unlocking. He had to duck his head, careful not to hit his head, as he stepped down the dark stairwell. A well-defined bouncer with a high and tight haircut gave him the once over, who was he kidding the guy was ripped. Castle sucked in his stomach, made a mental note not to piss that guy off, at the same time he challenged himself to remember the last time he worked out. The answer was, not lately.

Castle anxiously scanned the bar for Kate, he couldn't locate her. He settled for taking mental inventory of the hidden treasure he was about to explore; it was a dimly light tavern which was dark in decor. The type of place one expected to smell of stale beer, he was pleasantly surprised that it didn't. It held roughly a dozen tables and a bar that had room for 15. Opposite the entrance was a raised floor with a single stool, a stage of sorts. There was something oddly comforting about the place. People seemed to be nursing their beers or sticking to water. There was no music, simply the hum of hushed tones of intermingled exchanges.

Out of the corner of his eye Castle caught a little gnome of a man smiling and beckoning him over. Castle headed towards the barkeep, the first thing he noticed about the barkeep, was how his face accented by a well broken nose. "Betting your Rick, they call me Ben."

Castle couldn't help but feel several pairs of eyes turn to inspect him. He felt like an outsider. They seemed to know him but he obviously didn't know them. Where the hell was Kate?

Castle gave Ben a curt nod accompanied by a flash of his book tour smile. Ben tossed a napkin in front of barstool indicating that Rick should take a seat. It was tucked in the corner but had a clear view of the makeshift stage. "What are you drinking?" Castle wagered on a beer, there wasn't a wine glass in sight.

The writer in him was whirling "What is the place? Something doesn't add up."

Ben grinned as he served Rick's beer. "She said you would start asking questions. It's an island in the sea of chaos. We are a member's only kind of place. On rare occasions we allow family members, by invite only." Castle received the message loud and clear, he wouldn't be allowed to simply stop by because he felt like it. "Kate's here?"

"In the back, first up."

Castle moved to stand up until he felt a forceful yet friendly hand hold his forearm to the bar. "Let her be." He rubbed his free hand through his hair. "This is all a mystery to me. I'm not good with mysteries."

Ben cocked a brow at Castle "So, that wasn't your mug on the back of the Richard Castle book Kate would sit here and read? How about you just relax and drink your beer."

Ben was clearly done talking. Castle settled for taking small sips of his beer as he waited for the evening to unfold. There he was killing time again. The waiting game was emotionally draining. He struggled to get his mind around Kate being a regular at a hidden bar while clutching one of his books, with a barkeeper who was all of 5'6" and looked like he could kill a man when needed.

"Let's give a warm welcome to Kate. Some of you might have noticed this gorgeous lady lurking in the corner for the past 4 months. I know at least a few of you fellas asked me to put in a good word. "

A few brawny guys stood up, catcalling and whistling as Kate came out of the shadows of the curtains carrying a guitar. Her hair was in corkscrew long curls, he had never seen it like that before, and wavy yes – but wild in what he could only presume was its natural state - No. He liked it.

She was dressed in a soft grey long sleeve t-shirt, well-loved jeans and her motorcycle boots. She perched herself on the lone wooden stool. She looked lonely as she bowed her head, in what had the appearance of a silent prayer. Kate still hadn't lifted her head when she began to speak. "Like a lot of you I found my way here because of Dr. Burke."

Castle heard a soft ripple of respectful laughter accompanied by slight nods of the head. "I spent the first few months here reading a book and nursing a beer in the corner. Until this guy…" gesturing to Ben "…said I had been sitting around watching for long enough."

Castle noticed how she began to chew on her lip, how her chest rose and fell with the gulp of air she took in before she looking up and scanning the crowd. Her eyes settle on him, she took another deep breath. He urged her to continue, trusting she could feel his strength and his love, he had no clue what was next but he knew it took courage.

"I'm a NYPD Homicide Detective and I've had a rough go of it, someone decided to use me as target practice. I was told I died a couple times…" She ran her hand through her hair "…as you all know it really fucks with your head…"

This time the laughter was louder and the head bobbing was more pronounced.

"…Of course it doesn't help that the fucker was after me because I wanted to know who murdered my mother, I rarely if ever drop f-bombs, at least not out. You know sometimes it's the only thing that really describes how I feel or think about someone."

Several patrons began to clap, there were more catcalls and whistles, a few raised their glass in silent support.

"I should have written this down. But Ben said that was cheating – it's just supposed to flow." Another warm chuckle fluttered through the crowd. Castle had the sense many of them had been told the very same thing. Who really was this 'Ben?'

Kate blinked several times, tightening her grip around her guitar. Her knuckles went white, she lifted her head. "For the first few months after the fucker tried to shoot me through the heart, I thought I had my shit together. You remember that moment when you drew on all your training and you knew how to survive?"

Heads bowed in respect, Castle could see chest and back heave in solidarity, and he willed himself not to move, not to flinch. He was a guest.

"I'didn't….no training, no support, no friend, no family gave me the coping skills to survive. I went off the deep end. I went so far off the deep end I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. I started to hallucinate, I drank wildly, and trashing my apartment became a nightly ritual in an attempt to maintain my sanity. I would pass out, get up go to work come home and do it all over again. I was like a hamster in a habit trail running through the maze of life getting nowhere fast. I was a handful."

Out of the corner of her eye Kate saw the flicker of recognition in Rick's eyes. He had been there. She knew if she looked him square in the eye she wouldn't be able to finish. She was relieved when he looked down and reached for his beer.

"I have been so very lucky, my partner, my team and my Dad stood by me. I know from your nights up here that, it doesn't always work out that way. I've been so very lucky, many of you have ended up destroying the very thing you love the most."

Kate took a moment to find Rick's eye – flash a smile saying 'I'm alright.' He returned a smile that said 'I'm here for you.'

"I suppose that's my biggest challenge, not ruining those things that are good in my life. Shedding the guilt that says I shouldn't be happy. Finding a way to embrace my personal damage and make it strength rather than a weakness. Wish I could claim that phrase as my own – but it came from one of our own."

Kate loosened her grip on the guitar and stroked it lovingly.

"Bet your wondering about the guitar. I use to love to play. My mother taught me to play and although I pick it up from time to time. I've never made it through an entire song since she was murdered. I didn't feel like I had the right to enjoy something that we loved together. So, I'm hoping that all of you will indulge me and help me get through it."

And with that she began to play.

_**The Promise – Tracy Chapman**_

_If you wait for me  
>then I'll come for you<br>Although I've traveled far  
>I always hold a place for you in my heart<em>

_If you think of me  
>If you miss me once in a while<br>Then I'll return to you  
>I'll return and fill that space in your heart<em>

_Remembering  
>Your touch<br>Your kiss  
>Your warm embrace<br>I'll find my way back to you  
>If you'll be waiting<em>

_If you dream of me  
>Like I dream of you<br>In a place that's warm and dark  
>In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart<em>

_Remembering  
>Your touch<br>Your kiss  
>Your warm embrace<br>I'll find my way back to you  
>If you'll be waiting<em>

_I've longed for you  
>And I have desired<br>To see your face your smile  
>To be with you wherever you are<em>

_Remembering  
>Your touch<br>Your kiss  
>Your warm embrace<br>I'll find my way back to you  
>Please say you'll be waiting<em>

_Together again  
>It would feel so good to be<br>In your arms  
>Where all my journeys end<br>If you can make a promise  
>If it's one that you can keep<br>I vow to come for you  
>If you wait for me<em>

_And say you'll hold  
>A place for me<br>In your heart._


	18. Reunion

**Chapter 18 – Reunion**

She finished.

She found him.

She stood before him

His arms embraced her.

They would find their way.


	19. He Wasn't You

_**Chapter 19 - He Wasn't You**_

Castle tangled his fingers in the ringlets of her hair, he dragged her onto his lap, gently planting a kiss on sweet spot at the base of the back of her neck. He didn't let her go.

Kate swatted his thigh, whispering "Rick, not here." While her eyes said 'later.'

Castle picked up his head to meet her gaze, his body relaxed as his arms encircled her.

He requested two fresh beers. "You have some explaining to do about this place."

Kate hesitated for a moment "Thought you were a detective, Ricky." She teased. "Didn't you figure it out?"

Castle responded with a chuckle "Oh, I figured some of it out." He flashed a devilish grin "I'm happy to wait." The smile he received in return took his breath away. He desperately wanted to swoop down and captured her mouth. He didn't give a damn how many overly buff guys with high and tight haircuts watched. He knew she needed it, she wanted it – the reassurance that words alone wouldn't bring. She saw the desire in his eyes.

The beers were dropped on the bar. Ben once again cocked his eyebrow and chuckled "Mystery solved?"

"Almost" Castle wanted to snuggle closer to Kate, he knew she wouldn't approve. He made the decision to lean in, let his breath play on her cheek as he uttered, "Proud of you." He was proud that she publically acknowledged her PTSD, equally proud that she chose to share the moment with him.

Kate blushed as she averted her eyes "It was tough." She was sure he knew it was that much tougher having him there. Letting him see her vulnerable, emotionally exposed.

He remained silent, she had more to say. His hand meandered up her back, making tiny circles around each vertebra; silently urging her to continue.

"I selected the song before I knew you were coming." Her eyes apologized – as if it might have been too much. Blue eyes twinkled back at her. He smiled knowingly, still saying nothing.

"Over the summer I sang that song over and over and over in my head. It was an anthem of sorts."

"That helps."

Green eyes grew larger than life meeting his and asking "It does?" She quickly refocused her eyes on the beers in front of them.

Castle tried to catch her eye. He wiped sweat from his brow. "Until you showed up before Ryan's wedding, I still wondered if you broke up with Josh because of him or me. And now sharing this moment with me, I have my answer."

Kate's eyes darted around the bar; she felt she owed him the answer. Her hand wrapped around her beer, downing it in one gulp. "Both. It's simple, he wasn't you."


	20. Going Home

_**Chapter 20 – Going Home**_

_**Just a reminder – I still don't own them. **_

They headed out the door, pausing as Kate handed the bouncer a key, in exchange for her gun. Castle recognized it as the gun she kept tucked in her bed at home. Kate caught him inspecting the gun as she slipped it into her purse. "No guns in the bar. Permit or not. Part of the journey is feeling comfortable with your back to the door, without a gun" she paused for a moment "it takes some getting used to."

Castle met her eyes and held her gaze "I am sure it does."

The cold night air was suddenly brittle to the face. Each pulled their scarfs tighter as they stood staring each other. "I have another question about tonight."

Kate huffed out a light laugh "Just one?"

Castle eyes twinkled, she knew him so well. "Well two, for now."

He had too many. Castle hesitated to ask, she felt the need to prompt him "Yes?"

"How did you find this place? I thought I knew every secret bar in the city."

"Dr. Burke and Ben did a tour together in Kandahar. Ben retired and needed a hobby."

"Hobby?" His eyebrows scrunched together. "Some hobby."

"Ben served twenty years in the Navy as a chaplain, 6 combat tours. The bar is his personal chapel." Kate slipped her arm through his, they began to stroll. Kate knew he had more questions, he never had just one question. "You have one more question before you use up you're the quota for the evening." She wanted to move on from talk of the bar. Do something to clear her mind of the emotional heaviness of the evening.

"What prompted you to invite me tonight?" He saw the hesitation on her face and pulled her close.

"I wanted you to experience it, to know that if I said I had to go out. That I needed to be some place, you would know it was this place I was going." Her voice trailed off and then started again "So you wouldn't worry there was someone else. That this, the bar/the guys, is about me keeping my sanity, not about me NOT wanting to be with you."

With his eyes Castle said he understood. Castle reached across her and took her guitar. She let him take it. He knew it was a sign they were going home together. The question was whose home?

Kate read the indecision on his face on what direction to head. "How about Date #2? I could use a good movie. Your TV is much better than mine and my movie collection is nonexistent. Plus we seem to have mastered Date #3 down."

A child like smile emerged surfaced on lips "You're coming to my place? Date #2 it is." He had underestimated her. He hadn't thought she would be ready for his place. After all he did have Mother and Alexis at home.

She smirked at him and reached up to kiss the cold night air from his lips "One condition."

As their tongues wrestled he replied "Anything."

"You have a spare toothbrush?"


	21. Farm Boy

_**Chapter 21 = Farm Boy**_

_**Sad but true, still not mine.**_

They tumbled out of the elevator, entangled in each-others limbs. Laughter echoed down the hallway. Castle wrestled with his pockets to locate his keys.

He held a finger to her lips as they entered the loft, it was way past midnight. Alexis was staying with a friend, but who knew who or what they might encounter if Mother was awake. Castle let out a sigh of relief. Mother was not to be seen.

Kate eyed the TV as Castle pulled her past it, towards his study and beyond. "Don't worry the TV in my bedroom is even better."

Kate shook her head and let him lead the way. She dropped her guitar in the study. They toppled on to his bed. He rolled her onto her back. Propping himself up on his elbows, pinning her below him. "What movie?"

A broad grin graced her face "_The Princess Bride_."

With merriment in his blue eyes he mocked her. "Ms. I don't believe in fate, fairy tales or Santa wants to watch _'The Princess Bride.'_"

She tried to escape, truth be told she didn't try that hard "Favorite Movie. I read the book before it was cool, before it was a movie. You in?"

He rolled off of her and threw his off his coat, beaming his boyish grin when the coat landed on the chaise by the window. He followed up his coat tossing victory with "As you wish." Castle knew she loved the movie. After all they were trading quotes at Ryan's wedding. He simply wanted to hear her say it. Castle loved when she shared the softer side of Becket, the Kate side.

Castle knelt at her feet, carefully unzipping boot by boot - taking his time as he removed each boot. Slipping a hand inside each jean clad leg. Letting his fingers softly trail up her calves.

Kate let out a soft chortle "I thought this was Date #2? Would have thought you undressing me was at least Date #4."

"Totally Date #2." His devilish grin was back. "YOU, Detective Beckett, have never been on Date #2 with me."

Kate sat up, slid off the bed to land in his lap. She wrapped her legs around his waist, dragging him in for a kiss. A kiss that reached to the depths of his core, "Do we watch TV in bed?"

He fought to regain his breath. "Yes."

Kate lowered her mouth to the hollow of his neck, gently sucking his skin "Good. Do we get to drink wine in bed?" She was killing him.

He pushed her away. Untangled her legs and jumped to his feet, uttering a guttural "Yes."

Kate waggled her fingers at him, requesting a hand up. Her hands landed on his hips, hooking her thumbs in his belt loops. "I forgot another condition."

He could tell by the twinkle in her eye she was going to tease him. He prayed his heart could take it. "What am I going to sleep in?"

He gulped several times. Castle wanted to say _'nothing', _he so wanted to say '_nothing'._ But it was too soon for that. "Shouldn't you take off your jacket and stay a while first?"

Castle mentally slapped himself as he watch her lick her lips, finger the zipper of her jacket and slowly, ever so slowly drag the zipper lower and lower. Maybe she really did have a trick with ice cubes. He felt a fed flush creep up his face. Castle turned and walked to his dresser, he reached in and pulled out a t-shirt, maybe, just maybe, one of his more see through t-shirts and his batman boxers. Boxers for making memories.

Kate snatched the clothes out of his hands and headed to the bathroom to change. Not before calling out "Farm boy fetch us that wine."


	22. Night Time Writing

_**Chapter 22 – Night Time Writing**_

_**Disclaimer - Not mine, but I like to pretend they are. **_

His breath hitched as he saw her sitting up in his bed, wearing his clothes - patiently waiting for her wine, movie and him. Kate crooked a finger at him, daring him to bed.

Castle hesitated for a moment, it was the first time he had caught a glimpse of the scar shaped by the bullet to the chest, her chest. He gave a wry smile the shirt he gave picked out for her was translucent in the evening light. She looked stunning, alluring, a bit mysterious. Normally his eyes would have travelled southward, looking for a temperature reading, but tonight he was fixated on the sniper's tattoo.

The first night at Kate's apartment he had seen the tail end of the scar that marred her ribs. He wasn't sure if at the time he ignored it because the entire evening was such a delightful surprise or because it didn't look so 'real.' Castle began fighting an internal battle - the scars were supposed to be unimportant. He wanted them not to matter. Castle was failing miserably, bile rose in his throat as he thought about her body crumpling to the grass. He choked it back down his throat.

Kate followed the line of his eyes to her chest. She reached for him. Taking his strong hand in hers, drawing him to her. Bringing his hand to rest over the remains of the bullet wound. Castle ran his thumb over the rough outline of the point of entry: selfishly grateful that the thin scrap of cotton prevented him from feeling ever ridge and ripple.

The pink ting of the remaining angry scar tissue of the bullet's entry point enraged him. A cold sweat decorated his face. Kate ran a thumb across his brow "This one takes a little getting used to…"

He picked up where her voice trailed off "…this one is different, so close to the heart. Your heart."

With her free hand she reached past him, the need for a drink was strong. She welcomed the red liquid into her mouth. She shared a sip with him, all the time his thumb grazing over the sniper's tattoo. Kate set down the glass, tipped his head up. She softly placed a kiss on his lips, letting the taste of wine mingle between them.

Her hands travelled further south, tugging at the waists of his jeans, wrapping her hands around his shirt as she freed it from his jeans. "Don't you think you should take all this off?"

Rick buried his face in her chest, kissing the bullet hole through the protective layer of cotton, stammering out a gruff "protection."

Kate kissed the top of his head "I'm on the pill."

Laughter rumbled out of Rick's body. He slid his body up, pressing against hers. His mouth landed behind her ear, that spot right before the hair line and began to making lazy circles with his tongue "Good to know, but not that kind. Protection from you…..it's only Date #2."

With lighting speed Kate flipped and pinned Rick on his back. Well placed knees on each bicep, ankles wrapped underneath his body and heels hooked in at the base of his spine made it challenging for him to move. Her take-down didn't prevent him from laughing "Something I said?"

She ignored his question and began peppering kisses across his jaw, playfully teasing his lips with her tongue while carefully brushing the back of her hands up and down his chest, bringing one hand up to torment the sweet spot behind his earlobe. His resolve was fading.

Who was he kidding he was about to scream uncle. He told his hands to remain still. They disobeyed as they explored the small of her back, slipping inside her shorts.

Kate caught the depths of desire held in his eyes. She continued her assault by dipping her head to his mouth, taking it hostage. He pressed his himself up against her. Rick wanted his center to meet hers. He feathered his fingers across her bum.

He moaned her name, slow and long.

Kate broke off the kiss, rolled off of him and grabbed her wine. "Well then _'Farm Boy',_ you better plan Date #4 soon."

* * *

><p>Rick emerged from the bathroom in very green - Green Hornet t-shirt and contrasting white Stinger boxers that read <em>'Feel the Sting.'<em>

Kate burst out with laughter "Really? _'Feel the Sting?_'" Smirking as she flipped back the covers next to her "Come to bed, movie time."

Castle bounced onto the bed, the wine in her glass sloshed up to the rim of the glass and thankfully slid back down. "Close one." He hit play and snuggled closer to her. His hand brushed up against a cold hard ply-able fabric. He dug deeper under her pillow and tugged.

Kate wore a guilty smile, stilled his hand "My purse."

His brow wrinkled as he asked "Your purse?"

She lifted her glass to her lips taking another sip of wine. "Well, really it's about my gun."

A worried frown took over Castle's face. He rested an arm across her stomach "I get it, but I need to find a way for you to be safe here. I have Alexis and my Mother to think about. They come and go, make noise…." His voice trailed off, he couldn't come out and say _'I can't have you shooting one of them.' _

Kate's face contorted, she knew what he was thinking. What if she heard a noise, grabbed her gun, saw an_ 'intruder' _shot first and asked questions later.

Rick squeezed her tightly. "How about you give the gun to me, I lock it in my safe and give you the code. Similar set up as at Ben's bar."

Kate pulled out her gun and carefully handed it to Rick. She knew she needed to lighten the mood "Keep all your millions in there?"

Rick was relieved she was agreeing "Just one. Help yourself."

* * *

><p>Kate woke to the soft glow of a laptop. It took a moment for Kate to orientate to her surroundings, her eyes settled on Rick tapping away. "Watch ya doing?"<p>

"Writing"

"What?"

"About us."

Kate brought the covers up to her neck as she snuggled deeper into his bed. "Us/us? Not Nikki and Rook?"

He continued typing as he nodded his head in agreement.

"Read to me?"

Still typing, "I'm not good with that, it's still just notes and feelings. It's completely lacking in structure."

"I don't mind."

"Remember it's a jumping off points to be flushed out later - writing in the rawest form, my perspective of tonight at Ben's."

Kate grinned at him, "Make it worth your while."

Between the look on her face and the tone in her voice – she had him. He began to read.

_I thought I knew every way you wore you're hair – tonight it hung loose in corkscrew curls. Free, relaxed, frail, indestructible, and ready to run. Your voice faltered as you started to sing. I wanted to stand up and sing along with you. Give you the strength to carry on, but I didn't know the song. Turned out you didn't need me. You had the strength within you. Your voice grew stronger as you fingered the strings. You stroked the strings like a man making love to a woman for the first time._

_Why didn't I know you could sing? Really sing._

_Your affection for your gun concerns me. _

_I broke into a thousand pieces when I saw the sniper's tattoo. I wanted to throw up and kiss it away - all at the same time. _

_I will do ANYTHING to prevent you from running straight at them._

Castle looked up from his laptop. Was his last line a warning or a confession? Turned out it didn't matter – she was asleep.

_**A review or two would be good. **_


	23. Morning After

_**Chapter 23 - Morning After**_

Kate felt the bed, for him. Rick's spot was still warm. She pulled on her jeans from the night before, still dressed in his oversized t-shirt, she headed towards the kitchen. Better to face Martha and Alexis now while she had the courage than to stall, allowing doubt to creep in to her mind. Kate had never dated a man with a kid OR a man who lived with his Mother. Even though she understood the circumstances, found it endearing that Rick let his Mother live with him when he could easily buy her, her own place - chatting with Martha over morning coffee was going to take some getting used to.

The smell of coffee wafted through the study and into the bedroom. A sign that now was definitely the time to face the family. She stopped for a moment to gaze around Castle's study, admiring the fabulous city view. Wealth did have positive perks.

The open shelves of books began to beckon to her. Kate stifled a giggle at the collection of remote control helicopters and police cars. He really was a five year old at heart. Rick had such a fabulous collection of books; Tennessee Williams, Fitzgerald, Kerouac, Steinbeck, Poe, Shakespeare, Chaucer, Twain, Irving as well as the predictable Lehane, Connelly, Cannell, and Patterson.

Her reading was interrupted by the sound of hushed voices. Isn't it funny how one can ignore normal tones, even yelling? Yet the moment voices shift to a lower register humans develop bat ears.

Castle's voice was strained as he hissed, "Mother DO NOT tell me what to do. I have this handled."

"Kiddo I'm not telling you what to do. Ask yourself if you have REALLY thought this through. At some time you are going to have to tell that lovely lady of yours what you have been doing. The sooner the better, you know these things, secrets in general have a way of getting out at the worst possible time."

Guilt washed over Kate for having listened in on their private conversation. It obviously was about her and not intended for her ears. She tried to stop herself but she couldn't. As she swung open the door from the study to the living room she blurted out "Tell me what?"

Rick turned at the sound of her voice and instinctively recoiled when he saw the look on her face. Kate had that signature look of mistrust that she wore when interrogating a suspect and her gut said they were lying. The color from his own face drained away, to be replaced by an ashy hue. He tried to salvage things "Nothing that can't wait. Hungry?"

Kate looked from Rick to Martha and back to Rick. "I have the distinct impression sooner is better." Her stomach started to summersault as Martha gave a caring smile "Good to see you Kate, I think I will leave you two alone. Love you kiddo."

Flashing a somewhat forced friendly smile, Kate responded "You too Martha." Martha's immediate desire to depart worried Kate.

Rick jammed his hands in the pockets of his robe. A look of despair took his face hostage. He knew if he didn't tell her now, waited to tell her later it would only be worse. He tried to prolong the inevitable a little longer by handing Kate a cup of coffee; his heart skipped a beat as their fingers brushed each other. Would this be the last touch?

Kate closed the remaining space between them encircling her arms around his waist. "Rick, are you stalling?" There was a kindness in her eyes that he knew would soon disappear.

Rick bent his head and buried it in her hair that was falling loosely on her shoulder. He kissed her shoulder, he whispered into her ear "Everything I did or didn't do, I did for you."

She pressed her check to his, returning his whisper "You're worrying me Rick. Did what?"

Rick slid his hands to cup her face, pleading with his eyes '_Please let's eat first._' "Pancakes? Waffles? French toast? Eggs? Bacon?"

Kate met his gaze head on "Please tell me what you did."

He tried to lighten the mood. "As you wish." His attempt at levity wasn't lost her – she gave him a sad but sincere smile in return. Rick placed a hand on the small of her back, guiding her to his study. He didn't need his mother or Alexis walking in what was about to happen next.

Kate turned to look over her shoulder at Rick the summersaults in her stomach were consumed by dread.


	24. Do You Hate Me?

_**Chapter 24 –Do You Hate Me?**_

_**Disclaimer: Not mine, never going be mine – but they sure are fun to play with. **_

Castle told her everything, the new leads, the mysterious phone calls, the meeting in the garage. He let it all out. An enormous sense of relief washed over him when he was done.

He sat there waiting for a reaction, any reaction. He had braced himself for to raise her voice, maybe yell and scream, even throw things….something, anything. There was nothing. A couple times he saw her swallow deeply and her chest rise and fall a bit faster. Other than that she was a statue, not even a blink as she stared at him.

Kate's first movement was to rise out of her chair. Castle felt powerless as she walked to his bedroom. Moments later she returned carrying her leather jacket and purse, her feet were incased in her boots. He rose from his seat, reaching for her. Castle felt hopefully, she hadn't flinch from his touch. The words crushed him.

"I need to go."

"Do you hate me?"

"I could never hate you, Rick." She stood up on the tips of her toes and softly kissed his lips, a new type of kiss. Kate didn't need to say it, her kiss said it all.

He clutched his chest, the look in her eyes said she was going to say it anyway. The words weren't needed, but she still said them. "Good-bye Rick."

* * *

><p>Of course Kate had wanted to yell, scream and even throw things – but what would it change? What good would come from it? Castle made his choices, now she had to make hers. In a trance like state she reached his front door, on auto pilot she arrived at her apartment.<p>

At her front door she searched her purse for her gun. Kate had stopped sweeping her apartment when she came home, only cleared it before bed, but in this moment her heart raced uncontrollably and sweat formed on her brow. She felt a desperate needed to clear her apartment. The threat to her life that she tried to wrestle to a state of something that just was, rather than something that consumer her came crashing at her like waves pounding the sand on a stormy day.

A final search of her purse reminded her that she had left her gun behind. Damn.

* * *

><p>Her phone buzzed, he said to ignore it. Of course she couldn't she was on call. Lanie snatched the offending phone off of the nightstand and saw it was Beckett texting.<p>

_Beckett__**: Favor. NOW.**_

_Lanie: __**Anything. **_ In all the years they hand known each other Beckett rarely asked for a favor and never demanded '_NOW.'_

_Beckett: __**Left my gun at Castle's. Please go get it NOW. **_Lanie quickly double checked the time; it was shortly after 9am. This couldn't be good, why Beckett was fleeing Writer Boy's early in the morning.

_Lanie: __**Address? Only been there for a party or two.**_

While Lanie waited for the address she reluctantly swung her legs out of bed. A hand reached out and curled around her "Chica where are you going?"

Lanie screwed up her face; she just knew that Beckett wouldn't want Javi to know what was going on. Hell she didn't know what was going on. "Umm my mom needs me."

"You don't even like your mom."

"Yeah, well family is family." Lanie felt terrible about lying to Javi but she knew that sometimes the bonds of sisterhood came first.

* * *

><p>Kate nervously paced the hallway outside her apartment. She made a final futile attempt to force herself to go in without her gun. She couldn't do it. How long was Lanie going to be? Screw it. Kate headed towards the elevator, sending Lanie a text.<p>

_Beckett: __**Meet u at diner 4 blocks N of Castle's, same side of the street.**_

* * *

><p>Lanie tentatively entered the foyer of Castle's building. She had forgotten how imposing it was. He really was that rich. No one else she knew lived in digs like this. Her first challenge was getting past security, she felt better about going up to Castle's loft with the element of surprise on her side. She hated to do it, but she flashed her ME credentials and kept on walking.<p>

Lanie arrived at Castle's door, knocking quietly. Secretly hoping he wasn't home or Beckett would text her and say 'just kidding.' Unfortunately the moment, Martha swung open the door, and her face fell, Lanie knew there would be no 'just kidding' text coming her way.

Martha prayed the timid knock had been Kate, even her acting skills couldn't hide her disappointment that it was Dr. Parrish. Lanie stuttered "Hi, um Castle here? Kate asked me to pick up something that she left here." She was dying to ask what happened. "Did Kate leave in a hurry?" Martha didn't give an inch, "I see Beckett sent the Calvary. I'll go ask if he will see you." However, the disappointed on Martha's face grew more pronounced.

Lanie stood alone at the doorway. She hadn't even been invited in. She decided to step across the threshold and shut the door.

Martha returned alone. "He said for you to go on in."

Lanie retraced the path Martha had just taken to find Castle furiously jamming at the keys on his laptop. She cleared her throat several time before he acknowledged her, still not looking up. "Whatever she wants is in there." He gestured with his head to go through the doorway. Lanie entered Castle's bedroom, she so did not want to go looking through his things for a gun. She quickly retreated to the study almost knocking Beckett's guitar over and tripping on the sleeve of what appeared to be one of Beckett's hoodies draped over part of the case. Her stuff in his bedroom, guitar and clothes in the study too, these two were in deep. Lanie swiftly sent a text to Beckett.

_Lanie: __**Guitar&Clothes too?**_

_Beckett: __**JUST MY GUN! **_

_Lanie: __**Got it. **_

Lanie called Castle's name several times before he looked at her. "Please just get me her gun and I'll be gone." she placed a hand on his shoulder. "This isn't any fun for me either."

He scrubbed his hands over his face "She told you?"

"No, just wants her gun." Lanie took note of his red rimmed eyes.

Castle staggered to his feet, disappearing into his room. He paused to stare at the bed, to remember the night before so much joy and poof it was gone. _The way their bodies brushed up against one another. How her breath played on his neck right before she kissed it. How he had to swat her hands away from the cuff of his boxers only to have her __not so innocent finger tips dance across the back of his thigh as she peered over his shoulder as they put her gun to bed. How he had turned and pinned her to the closet wall to take possession of her mouth._

The moment his hand touched the hard steel of her gun, his mind snapped back to the present. Castle ducked into his bathroom to splash cold water on his face. He caught a glimpse of his image in the mirror, great it looked like he had been crying. How much mileage would Lanie get out of that? Would she tell Beckett?

He returned to his study moments later holding the gun as if it would bite him. Lanie silently approached him, taking the gun from his grasp. Emptied the clip and dropped it in her purse.

The ME was almost out the front door when she heard Castle call after her "What about the rest?"

"Hang on to it, it might come in handy."

* * *

><p>Lanie stood outside the diner studying her friend's manic behavior of methodically ripping open a sugar packet, empting it into her mouth and shredding the packet into little pieces only to pick up another sugar packet and do it all over again. After a cycle of 5 packets Lanie knew she couldn't stall any longer.<p>

Kate jumped when she saw Lanie slid into the booth across from her. Lanie wished she could turn back the clock to earlier in the morning when she was wrapped in Javi's arms. Life was so delicious an hour ago and now she felt as if she was held captive on a runaway train.

"You got it?"

"Yes. But Honey what is going on?"

"Let it be."

"Sorry, can't."

"Yes, you can."

"Kate Beckett you might be able to strongarm Writer Boy, but this is me you are talking to. I'm your friend and you look like you need one."

Kate chose to ignore Lanie's comments about Castle. "You are great friend. Who else would fetch a gun for me?" She forced a smile. It fell flat.

"This isn't about a gun." Lanie reached out and stilled Kate's hands with hers. "This is about your heart."

"It's complicated.


	25. Appearance is Everything

_**Chapter 25 – Appearance is Everything**_

Martha took a hesitant peek around the corner of the study door. Her son sat there banging away on his old Apple IIc. "Richard, I didn't even know you still had that thing. I sent you off to college with it."

He quickly looked up and flashed a grimace. "Only pc I own that doesn't hook up to a network or have internet capabilities. I took all my notes on Beckett's mother's murder off of anything that could be hacked into electronically."

"So, you're still working on the case? Is that a good idea Richard?"

"No, just keeping my notes up to date. Recording what I told Beckett. I still left a few pieces out.."

The hairs on the back of Martha's neck came to life at the use of _'Beckett'_, for the past week she had been exclusively '_Kate.' _"Do you think that's wise? Not telling her everything? I have to assume things didn't go well. To state the obvious, she isn't here and the visit by Dr. Parrish was rather unexpected."

He continued to type "Beckett said good-bye."

Martha perched on the edge of his desk, "Oh kiddo, I'm sorry."

"I have bigger problems."

"Bigger?"

"If who or whatever is orchestrating her protection, find out I'm not at the station any more…." His voice drifted off, he couldn't say it.

She said it for him "…they may kill her." "No way to patch it up with Detective Beckett?"

He hit save on the computer, turned it off, ejected the floppy, pushed back his chair and began rubbing his hands through his hair. "Doubtful, you should have seen her – so calm, so unlike herself. I braced myself for her reaction and then there wasn't one. She gave me a kiss and said _'good-bye.' _How am I supposed to take that, other than it's the end?"

He thought to himself, the end before there was ever a real beginning. "Every day that passes that I'm not at the 12th increases the chances of someone figuring out that Beckett's life insurance policy has been terminated. I won't lose her again, not to death anyways."

No mother enjoys seeing their child suffer, Martha was no different. "I have an idea, you may not like it."

Somehow he knew he probably wouldn't like her idea, seeing how he didn't have any of his own, he would listen. "Hold that thought."

Castle went to his bedroom, shoved his bed back and flipped up the area rug. He fiddled with what looked like an outdated floor vent, pulled it up and felt around until he located the knob to the safe. He twirled the lock and dropped the floppy in for safe keeping. He had taught himself to open the safe, by sound and feel. It was nearly impossible to see inside the dark hole.

Castle stopped at his night stand, picking up his phone, willing a message to appear. Nothing.

Martha had moved to one of the two easy chairs, she was struggling with how to sell her idea to her son. He wasn't going to like it.

Castle interrupted her mental plotting "How can you help?" He slid into the seat beside her and waited.

Martha took an overly dramatic deep breath "PR."

"Not following you."

"Paula has been begging you to do the talk show circuit, a few more signings to help build up for the opening of the first Nikki Heat movie. Book yourself out for the next week or two. Make yourself very visible and mention your relationship with the NYPD and Detective Beckett in every interview. It might just buy you enough time to come up with plan B or win her back."

"Right, an acceptable absence, it will take whoever is watching a bit of time to catch on and by then, by then…." He desperately wanted to say by then he would be back at the 12th, back with Kate.

The flaw in Martha's plan was obvious "Beckett won't be too happy if I start talking about her on TV or her photo shows up attached to some article."

Martha gave him a steely blued stare "You let me handle Detective Beckett."


	26. Will He See Me?

**Chapter 26 – Will He See Me?**

_**This was the first chapter I wrote for this story. It only took how many chapters to find a way to publish it? F-bomb advisory.**_

_**Disclaimer - still not mine. **_

Kate woke with her clothes twisted around her body, her leather jacket still on. The ache in her chest forced her to stay in the fetal position until her jacket had turned into a straightjacket. She reached inside her jacket, fingering the cloth, grateful it was still there. Kate slowly clenched her hand around his Green-Hornet t-shirt and pulled it from her jacket. She brought it to her nose, buried her face in the soft cotton, breathing in deeply. It still smelled of him, teasing her about what was about to be.

Kate willed herself to standup; she tucked his shirt under her pillow.

She emptied the contents of her purse on the bed beside her. She plucked her phone of the jumbled mess and made one call.

"Will he see me?"

* * *

><p>She chugged her coffee, paced like a caged cat and nervously licked her lips.<p>

"How did your plan go?" She hated his calm and self-assured voice.

"Which one?"

"To tell the truth."

"It did and then it didn't."

"Why?" There is it was, the one word question that always made her feel like vomiting.

"You know why."

Dr. Burke shot her a quizzical look, "I'm not sure I do. It would help you if explained."

Kate glared back at him, "It doesn't matter anymore."

"It always matters."

She slouched into the chair, kicked off her shoes and ran her hands through her hair. "I lied. He lied. We are both liars."

"Lied about what?"

She lashed out. A snake spitting venom, "I lied. You know I lied. You know what I lied about and why." Kate's body began to shake; pent up frustration began to drip from her eyes and down her cheeks. With the back of her hand she wiped her tears away.

Dr. Burke gave her a moment "I don't know what he lied about. Tell me."

There it was again, that all knowing annoyingly calm tone of voice. "Why do you need to push and push?"

"You said you were ready to move on. This is all part of the process. What did he lie about?"

Kate began to rock back and forth "I hate the fucking process."

"Most people do." Dr. Burke gave it a ten count and prodded again. "What was his lie?"

Kate rubbed her eyes raw, "That he had more information, clues, a contact."

"About what?"

"Is 'what' your favorite word?"

He could tell she was going to break. It was his job to get her to break. She would never be honest with herself if she didn't break. He asked again "About what?"

There was that fucking word again _'what.' _"My mom's murder, he has been talking to someone, even met him, and kept me in the dark. I have the right to know!"

"You said you lied out of love, didn't you?"

"I did."

"What about him?"

"He didn't think I could handle it."

"Could you have?"

Kate glared at him, sinking deeper into the chair, hoping it would swallow her up and transport her to anywhere but where she was. "Could I have what?"

"Handled it?"

"We'll never know will we? He took the decision out of my hands, made it on his own. We were supposed to be partners."

"Did you ask him why he didn't tell you?"

"No."

"Soooo you know why?"

Kate wrestled with herself, finally forcing herself to be honest. "No."

"You should ask him."

"I can't."

"You can't because you won't like the answer or because the answer may be the same as yours. And you're not ready."

Jumping to her feet, Kate began pacing around the room at a furious rate. Her breathing was becoming ragged, almost desperate, she was gulping for air. "Yes, I lied to protect him, because I love him. Those aren't his reasons."

"You don't know that..." his eyes challenging her, forcing her not to lie out loud "…do you?"

Her pace slowed, she drifted to the window, scanning the city skyline, looking for a diversion. One minute turned into two, two minutes turned 60 minutes. She was transfixed at his window, neither saying a word.

_Kate's mind ran at warped speed. The arguing with Dr. Burke wasn't about her lying, or his withholding. It was about her kryptonite. _

_Was she strong enough to turn away from her mother's murder investigation? Had she travelled far enough in her race with the wind to keep moving forward? Was she strong enough to choose life over most certain death? _

Dr. Burke watched her working through it – the same woman who used to ask for a magic pill, indulge a little too much in booze or run from her troubles was staying put. Dealing with the devil called herself.

"I really fucked this up didn't I?"


	27. Levitation and Amends

_**Chapter 27 – Levitation and Amends**_

_**Disclaimer – nothing has changed in the past 24 hours. I still only own my mind and my story – not the characters.**_

How did she get here? Somehow Kate's feet had transported her twenty-four blocks from Dr. Burke's office to Castle's corner. She could recall the two coffees consumed along the way and the incessant checking of her phone for a message. Any sign of life.

How did he get here? Four years ago he was looking for something new, something different. Really it wasn't a thing he was looking for, it was a person - someone, a partner, who wasn't put off by his public persona, someone willing to take the time to understand HIM. Someone who was capable of standing toe to toe with him, he needed someone who challenged him. Castle had found her, the challenge was holding on to her. He knew the love was there, on both their parts – even if she couldn't say it. It was their communication, or lack thereof, that created so many obstacles.

She paced back and forth back and forth, looking up at the corner window of his loft. Damn, she wanted to go up. Figure out a way to make it right. Truth was she wasn't ready. She was willing, but not ready. Instead she chose to huddle in a doorway staring up, wondering how he was doing. Ego, pride they really can be a girl's worst enemy or was it the kryptonite she was afraid of?

Kate told herself that if he had just called or texted, reached out in some way she might have found the courage to go up. It probably wasn't true, but he was always the one to offer the first olive branch.

There was nothing. Not that she could blame him. She couldn't bring herself to count the number of times she had told him to go home, walked away from him, or told him it was over. It hurt her to think about it.

* * *

><p>He gazed out the corner window of his loft, carefully tying his tie and wondering how long it would take for his Mother's plan to blow up in his face. Castle knew that it was the only solution; he doubted Kate wanted to hear from him or that he would be a welcome sight on her front doorstep.<p>

* * *

><p>Kate saw the lights turn off in the loft, checking her watch it was only eight o'clock. Castle must be going out for the night. She quickly stepped off the curb to head home. Kate wasn't prepared to run into him. She pulled herself back onto the sidewalk as a group of SUVs zoomed past her and pulled up in front of Castle's building. She ducked back into her hiding place of the darkened door way.<p>

As a group of paparazzi hurdled themselves out of the offending SUVS, Kate's only thought was 'crap.' She closed her eyes, hoping they were in the neighborhood for someone else. She peeked out of hooded eyes, no such luck. Her eyes followed as an elegantly dressed Martha and a dressed to kill Castle paused for photos before jumping into a waiting limo and took off.

* * *

><p>Castle clung tightly to his mother as they pulled away. "I hope this works. I usually love the camera; tonight all I wanted to do was punch one of those guys in the nose."<p>

"Richard, have a little faith in your Mother." Martha hoped her voice sounded convincing, she wasn't sure at all.

* * *

><p>Kate stumble through her front door – didn't even care to sweep the apartment, she knew she should but she was just so very tired. She dropped her jacket in a heap at the front door and kicked off her boots. How funny was it that hours ago all she wanted was her gun and now she didn't give a damn?<p>

A glass of wine was calling her name, until she caught sight of a picture of her and Lanie stuck in the corner of her computer. Maybe if she started by making amends with Lanie then she could work up to Rick.

Kate retrieved her phone from her purse and started to text her friend. Deleting the text she decided it was best to call instead. "Hey, Lanie – you have time for an old friend?"

"Does it involve a gun?"

Kate snickered "No, wanted to know if you had time for a drink. I am not very impressed with how I treated you earlier. You deserve more than a terse_ 'It's complicated' _and me bolting from the diner. "

"On my way over."

Kate hung up the phone, relieved that her friend was so forgiving.

* * *

><p>Castle was miserable. The photos, the press line, the small talk at the benefit that Paula had gotten him and his mother into at a moment's notice was good safe PR, but the last place he wanted to be. His cheeks hurt from forced happiness. Thankfully no one had asked about Beckett, only when the next book was coming out.<p>

He owed his Mother a thank you, she and Paula were right it was time to crank up the _'Heat Wave'_ movie PR machine.

Castle had secretly fantasized that he and Beckett would be doing the PR together. He had even checked out gowns to buy her. Castle reached up and slapped himself in the forehead.

"Are you all right Richard?"

"I may have had a gown shipped Beckett's apartment."

There was that blasted use of _'Beckett'_ again. "MAY HAVE?" Martha attempted to steady her voice "For heaven's sake what for?"

"The studio is arranging a private East Coast rough cut pre-screening of _'Heat Wave' _next month. Apparently, I was getting ahead of myself." Castle groaned loudly "The note, oh my god the note. She is going to kill me. Maybe there is a way to stop it."

"Richard, you will do no such thing. I told you I would handle Detective Beckett and I meant it."

* * *

><p>Kate swung open the door and gave Lanie a hug.<p>

"Girl, you okay? Hugging isn't your style."

"I know" a smile ran across Kate's face "but it's easier than apologizing."

Lanie laughed as she hung up her coat. "Where's the wine?"

The two old friends curled up on the couch side by side. The small talk flowed freely. However, the get together wasn't about small talk.

"So, um the real reason I wanted you over here was I realized something today."

Lanie watched as Kate struggled to speak. She raised her glass to her friends and gave it a little clink "Go on."

"I never properly thanked you for saving my life. I know it was you that pounded on my chest, it was you who pressed with all you're strength to try and stop the bleeding." Kate stopped talking to wipe away a misbehaving tear. "I remember hearing you say _'Don't you dare die on me.'_ It helped; you have no idea, how hearing you say that helped. And until now I never thanked you. I was too caught up in me."

The friends put down their glasses and clung to each other, tears flowed freely.


	28. One Shot, One Chance, One Opportunity

_**Chapter 28 – One Shot, One Chance, One Opportunity**_

_**Disclaimer – not any closer to be being mine, although it would be nice. **_

_**Also don't own the brilliance known as Eminem. Reviews are appreciated, even those telling me about my typos and inability to maintain proper tense.**_

Castle pulled his head out from underneath his pillow and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Out of habit he reached for his phone, checking to making sure he hadn't slept through a body dropping.

Nothing.

Of course Beckett wouldn't be calling him. What was he thinking?

Castle pulled his iPad out from under the pillow next to him, the pillow that still smelled of her. Castle immediately surfed to '_Page 6.' _ Part of him was pleased that the PR worked, he and Mother were front and center along with a mention of _'Heat Wave.'_ Thankfully the caption below his picture shouldn't provoke Beckett, but it stung to his very core.

'_Richard Castle attends the NYC Benefit for the Arts with his Mother, stage and screen star Martha Rodgers. Richard Castle was happy to talk about his upcoming movie adaptation of 'Heat Wave', but avoided the question that all the ladies wanted the answer to; Is Richard Castle's own 'Nikki Heat' hiding in the wings? Or is he still one of New York's most available but uncatchable bachelors still up for grabs?'_

He wished knew the answer. Was she hiding in the wings?

* * *

><p>Kate dressed for work in a fog. Lanie's words were the only thing to penetrate the mist that held her mind captive '<em>You weren't having any fun in your life until Writer Boy came along.' <em> Almost the identical words Captain Montgomery had spoken to her. Both had told the truth.

Only in the privacy of her own mind did Kate admit that Rick Castle had stolen her heart and she didn't want it back. If only she knew for certain that Rick wanted to keep her heart. How many times can a man watch a woman walk away before he stops trying?

Kate knew that she had to do something – she wanted to, needed to do something to turn things around. Kate needed to reach out to him, the question was how? Alexis was out of the question, Martha is a wild card, contacting Castle directly would open up to a line of communication she wasn't ready for. She needed time. When she talked with him it HAD to be right.

'_She had one shot, one chance, one opportunity to seize everything she ever wanted- _

_One moment – would she capture it or let it slip?'_

* * *

><p>Kate revved her Harley's engine and headed off to the 12th. By the time she dismounted her bike Kate was striding towards the elevator that led to the bullpen with new purpose. A little lighter on her feet, she had a plan.<p>

Maybe it was Eminem's lyrics that started as a chant in her head until they screamed from her very core:

_You better lose yourself in the music, the moment  
>You want it, you better never let it go<br>You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow  
>This opportunity comes once in a lifetime you better,<br>You can do anything you set your mind to, Kate._

Or maybe, just maybe Kate was truly ready to race the wind. No more self-doubt – carpe diem.

Kate was still humming her newly adopted anthem as she settled at her desk. The sight of the empty brown chair, long ago hauled out of a supply closet, dubbed Castle's chair, only served as fuel to the fire. She would call Martha.

With a tap on the neck, at the base of her ponytail, Esposito interrupted her planning. "Good thing Castle isn't here."

Her immediate gut reaction was what did Lanie tell him?

Kate held her composure "Why is that?" Esposito tapped her neck again "Looks like Bruce is a vampire."

Shit, shit double shit. Kate scrambled from her desk and sprinted to the bathroom. She quickly checked her neck. A guilty little smile played on her lips. Rick had branded her. It had been over 48 hours ago, but he had left his mark. Kate had been consumed by Castle's confession and her immaturity that she totally forgot about how he had been drawn to that particular spot. The soft spot at the base of her hair line that made her first giggle like a school girl and then moan like a woman.

That settled it, Kate was done playing games. With one hand she freed her hair from its band and with the other she yanked her phone out of her pocket and hit speed dial.


	29. Forward Motion

_**Chapter 29 – Forward Motion**_

_**Disclaimer - So not mine. Ecstatic ABC doesn't rule my world. Break. Double break. Repeat. New episode. Circle back to the start.**_

"Long time huh?"

"That's the way it works with us."

"I really need a favor."

"Becks, you know I am always here."

"Yes you are. Do you still have that hook up at your place? Resident rates at the hotel?"

"Hmmm, this sounds intriguing, do tell…hot date?"

Kate deflected the direct question "I was hoping you could book the suite you had for New Year's Eve last year."

Maddie let out a bit of a shriek, "DO NOT tell me you are hooking up with Josh. Hot –yes, eye candy – yes, brilliant surgeon – yes, awesome in bed – most likely, a total doorknob – absolutely, long-term – NO."

Kate confessed with a giggle "You summed him up perfectly. Great sex and it ended there. Shallow of me huh?" It felt great to chat with her oldest girlfriend. Kate regretted the fact they didn't do it more. She knew it was her doing, but it was ending now.

"Nothing wrong with the occasional boy-toy, BUT the real question is if not Josh then WHOOooooo?"

Kate was happy that Maddie couldn't see her face, her face was screwed up in a grimace, with her eyes pinched shut as she squeaked out "Castle."

"Whoa…NO DOUBLE Whoa!" Maddie let out a double finger cat call whistle that made grown men jealous "…T-H-E Richard Castle?"

Kate answered through clenched teeth "Yes." It wasn't that she was ashamed; it was hard to ask for help setting up seduction.

Even over the phone Kate could hear Maddie clapping her hands with glee. "Oh Becks! You're booking a room to make Castle babies. I knew you wanted him. So, happy for you!"

Kate choked out a chortle "Um, back up the bus. There has been no baby making going on."

Maddie had to admit her confusion "A fancy suite, in a hotel you probably can't really afford, a gorgeous famous man, who women swoon over, and you're not practicing your baby making skills? What gives? I'm warning you if you say _'It's complicated'_ I am hanging up."

Kate caught her reflection in the bathroom mirror as she shook her head. "I really need you in my life."

"I know." Maddie was ecstatic at the tone of her friend's voice. Detective Kate Beckett sounded like the Becks of old. "Who else calls you on your shit?"

Kate's heart warmed at the sound of her friend's sing-song laugh. Kate responded with her own laugh "Not many."

"Soooo?"

Kate had hoped Maddie would relent. Kate knew she wouldn't. Maybe that's why she called Maddie – another person to keep her honest. "I need to make amends."

When Maddie didn't speak Kate knew the conversation was still in her court "We need some time alone, we need to talk. Really talk."

Maddie understood Becks and the need to talk, the real question was "And after the talking?"

Still looking in the mirror Kate watched the blush swarm up her neck and over her face "If all goes well, start practicing making babies."

* * *

><p>Kate marched herself out of the bathroom, bee lined towards Gates' office. Esposito rolled his chair to block her pathway "I see you picked a new hairdo."<p>

Kate swatted the side of his head and gave Esposito's chair a slight shove. He jumped to his feet and stood his ground "You better not hurt my boy."

Any other day Kate would have come back with a snarky remark, put him in his place or ignored him altogether. Not today. Kate was staying true to herself and sticking to her pack to stay honest. "Furthest thing from my mind."

Esposito returned to his chair and watched as Beckett continued on her focused destination of Gates' office. What was going on?

Esposito pretended to bury himself in the paperwork on his desk, shooting the occasional sideways glance at Gates office. If only the door was open he would be able to catch snippets of the conversation. Damn privacy glass, nothing.

Beckett emerged and strode directly to Esposito's desk "Castle won't be in this week. I am off Sunday and Monday. Ryan returns Friday so you are running the case if a body drops between Friday and Monday. Questions?"

Esposito could only muster a headshake indicating _'No.' _He was so texting Lanie as soon as Beckett wasn't watching.

* * *

><p>Castle attempted an air of normality as he cooked Alexi's breakfast. He wasn't blind to his daughter's glances around the apartment. "So, Dad I thought I might run into Detective Beckett one of these mornings."<p>

Holding a fake smile and swallowing on a grimace "Sweetheart, It's complicated."

"When isn't it?" Alexis was too smart for her own good.

Castle gave his first honest laugh in days. "Never, but sometimes..." Castle's answer was interrupted by his phone doing flip flops on the kitchen counter.

He knew that buzz.

Even on supposed silence he knew that buzz.

Beckett.

* * *

><p>Kate found herself back in her newly appointed private office – the ladies room. One good thing about being a female cop, there was rarely a line for the bathroom and she was often had it to herself. By default her private office.<p>

Before hitting her former favorite speed dial, Kate once again patted herself on her back. Originally, she was calling Martha she had her speech all planned out –

"_Ask him to wait for me, beg him to wait. I don't want to call him. Because once I do it will hurt him too much to hear me say I need more time. Not time like this summer when a few days turned into three months, but a week. That's all I've given myself to get my head straight. I want to be able to start again with him, if he'll have me, and not stop."_

Now she was calling Rick. No Martha.

* * *

><p>Castle plucked his phone off the counter top. Yep, it was her. His phone flashed him one of his favorite sneaky photos of her. Beckett would call it creepy, he called it resourceful. Castle had taken it one spring day. Kate had been striding towards the crime scene, the sun had perfectly highlighted her hair, as the tresses framed her face, her eyes where dancing. The instigation of their dance was the vision of him. Okay…not really HIM, but him holding her crack of choice – coffee and a bear claw.<p>

It always puzzled him how she could even consume a bear claw.

The fat;

The sweet;

The grease;

The deliciousness;

So unBeckett;

So very Beckett;

Layers of the onion. Castle knew she loved his gifts of claws and coffee. Even on their worst days together, days when their communication was limited to snorts and eye rolls, Kate mustered asmile at the sight of a bear claw to gnaw on and curled her hand around a cup of coffee in a warm embrace.

* * *

><p>A soft "Hey" came across the line.<p>

He choked multiple times, nothing came out. All Kate heard was a grunt.

The grunt was intended to be a reciprocal "Hey."

A slightly stronger voice beckoned him to answer "You there?"

"Yes." His voice box worked. Victory!

"You okay?"

"Been better." Crap – never show Beckett weakness, she preys on it and twists it to her advantage. He had witnessed it over and over again during an interrogation. Beckett drew people in and then spit them out.

What he heard next left him speechless. "Me too."

Castle's heart soared, they were on equal footing. Castle's heart tap danced when he heard her voice without asking for more. "We need to talk, really talk. No interruptions."

"Agreed." This time she stayed silent, he gave it a ten count. "When?"

He heard her breathing quicken, becoming a bit ragged "Sunday and Monday, still working out the details."

Castle bit his tongue to restrain himself from asking why the delay. As the blood from his own bite seeped into his mouth, Castle replayed what Kate had just said. She had said Sunday AND Monday? He knew she had a plan. "Okay."

He listened as her breathing slowed. Who would speak first? It was always a game with them. First to speak was weak. He wouldn't speak.

Kate wasn't afraid to speak. She had _'… one chance, one opportunity…' _"One more thing."

"Yes?" It was a very unmanly _'yes', _more of a whispered _'yes'_, but still a _'yes'._

"Please don't come in, Gates thinks you're busy."

"I am."

Her voice betrayed her. It quivered as she asked "You are?" It was impossible to miss the concern in her voice.

Castle felt slightly guilty about not admitting he asked for the distraction. A distraction from her that would show the world he was still watching over her, "Paula has me booked out on a press junkets."

Castle hadn't waited for her response before he blurted out "Your name might come up."

"I trust you."


	30. Desperately

_**Chapter 30 - **_Desperately_****_

_**Disclaimer – still not mine. Thanks for the review – they keep me going.**_

Esposito frantically texted Lanie – _**Beckett has a hickey, Castle is out for a week. Who the hell is Bruce?**_

Lanie wanted to tell Javi the truth, but it wasn't her secret to tell- _**Javi, it's none of our business.**_

Esposito frantically jammed his fingers on his phone – _**You know something.**_

Lanie kicked herself, Javi knew she loved gossip. Suggesting he should back off had let him know she knew more than she was letting on. – _**Nope. You want them in our business?**_

Esposito knew Lanie was holding something back, but she had a point. Still, Esposito slammed down the phone when he saw the response. It was so his business. Castle and Beckett are his people.

* * *

><p>Long after she hung up Castle continued to hold the phone to his ear. It was a lot to process. He agreed to wait for her text, not call or come to the 12th and meet her Sunday. He would clear his calendar through Tuesday morning. He struggled to convince himself that she had actually said '<em>back an overnight bag'<em>.

It was only Alexis' tugging at this sleeve that roused him from his haze. "Dad, the call, the call from Detective Beckett, it was a good thing right?"

Castle's heart hung on her words _'I trust you.' _From Beckett that was huge, because he knew she didn't mean with her life on the job, she meant her heart."I sure hope so Sweetheart."'

Alexis slid off her stool, rounded the counter and wrapped her arms around her Dad. No words were needed.

Castle pushed his daughter away. "The dress, the dress."

Alexis' eyes grew big "What dress?"

Castle was too preoccupied with scrolling through the contacts on his phone to respond. Good there it was. He paced anxiously as he waited for someone to pick up. The sound of a friendly voice at the other end of the phone brought him instant relief.

Alexis looked on with a puzzled frown; she was only able to hear one side of the conversation:

"Hello, this is Richard Castle; I bought a dress from you the other day."

"Yes, yes that's me."

"I need to ask that you hold off on shipping the dress."

He wiped a hand a across a furrowed brow. "Yes, No I understand. No problem."

Alexis knew it was a problem "What can I do?"

"Short of waiting at Detective Beckett's apartment all day and intercepting the delivery, not a lot."

"I'll do it."

"Honey, I was kidding. It is what it is." Castle knew if it was immediately returned whatever Beckett had planned for their meet up involved _'good-bye'_. If she accepted it, there was hope.

* * *

><p>Kate checked her reflection in the mirror and gave herself a wink. <em>'No stopping now girl.'<em>

Esposito's eyes followed Kate as she returned to her desk. Kate never wanted a body to drop so badly. A fresh case to dig her teeth into was the only thing that would get her through the week. Kate busied herself with pretend paperwork, anything to avoid eye contact with Esposito.

Kate's shuffling of paperwork was interrupted by the thump of a coffee cup on her desk. "Thanks Castle" before she was able to take in who was delivering the coffee. The flashy red nail polish should have been a dead giveaway that it wasn't Castle. Old habits die hard.

Kate's eyes trailed up from the precisely manicured hand to come eye to eye with Martha. Beckett jumped out of her chair banging her knee on the underside of the desk as she sputtered out "Mmmmartha what brings you her?"

"Got a minute?"

Briefly closing her eyes Kate hoped she was day dreaming and that Martha was a mirage. As she slowly opened her eyes only one word came to mind _'Shit.' _Kate she stuttered out a "Sure" and prayed it didn't sound like 'shit' because that was still the only word she heard in her head.

The break room was occupied, inviting Martha to Kate's 'unofficial office' the ladies room was unacceptable. While Kate struggled with where to take Martha, okay it wasn't about where to meet it was really about having to talk privately with Martha, her, her, her – what the hell was Castle anyways? Her best friend, her partner, her almost boyfriend or her soon to be ex-everything's Mother.

A look of confusion took over Kate's face as she watched Esposito give Martha an affectionate squeeze of the arm "Hey Ms. R. good to see you again."

"You too Javier, it's been too long. I am sorry I missed you at Richard's last poker party." A twinkle hit Martha's eye "But you know us old dames need to take advantage of it when it's offered."

Esposito shook his head in mock disgust "TMI Ms. R. Don't let it happen again. Your son cheats when you're not there."

Martha gave Esposito a motherly tap on the chest "Oh my dear boy, Richard cheats even when I am there."

Kate made a mental note to find out when Esposito and Martha had become so chummy. Their exchange wasn't just about being poker pals.

Esposito returned to the business at hand, "Beckett sorry to interrupt, but we got a body."

Kate nodded her head "Give me a minute."

"Sure, I'll check out with the Captain and pull the car around." And with a little wave to Martha "Later Ms. R" Esposito had abandoned Kate to face Martha.

Kate turned to Martha "There isn't a lot of privacy around here and…" Martha cut her off. She knew Kate had to leave. "Don't worry dear we can talk on the way down. It won't take long."

For Kate, the walk to the elevator felt like a walk to her own execution. The awkward silence echoed loudly as Kate swayed from foot to foot waiting for the elevator doors to open. She wondered if this is how people felt before they entered the interrogation room, especially when knew they were guilty.

Once on the elevator Kate hit 'L' and Martha hit the close door button, stalling the elevator in its tracks.

"I'm not one to mince words." Martha's eyes had the same piercing blue quality as her son's. It was freaking Kate out a bit.

Kate's lips curled into a feeble smile - "Bet not."

"Your silence over the summer almost killed my son. I know this time the silence is partly his own doing."

Kate opened her mouth to speak. Martha held up her free hand and signaled to Kate to say quiet.

"I know you called this morning. I know you two have plans to meet. I know you told him to stay away and not to call until you meet. I know that he will do as you ask. I also know that each day he doesn't hear from you, the self-doubt that he will never be what you want or need…WILL eat away at him. If any part of you loves my son, you won't shut him out."

Kate ran her hands through her hair, slumped against that back of the elevator and whispered "Desperately. I love him desperately."


	31. Honesty is a Bitch

_**Chapter 31 – Honesty is a Bitch**_

_**Disclaimer – not mine, not mine, never ever going to be mine.**_

Kate was barely buckled up when she blurted out "When did you and Martha become so chummy? And don't say at poker or I'm driving."

Esposito unclicked his belt, turned off the motor and turned towards not to his boss, but his friend "You get to know the character of a person pretty quickly when you hold hands hoping your friend doesn't die."

A renewed grief washed over Kate, she realized she had never acknowledged what Epso and Ryan had gone through on the day she was shot.

Esposito decided the door was open and he was going to keep walking through it. "I always thought of Ms. R as a ditzy theater actress, a life-long party girl, I totally under-estimated her. That day, that time sitting in the hospital together, waiting to hear if you were going to live or die. Ms. R. showed what she was made of."

Esposito noticed Kate visibly flinch at the word 'die', he didn't let it deter him. She needed to hear this next part and doubted anyone else told her "When Josh came out verbally swinging and shoving Castle around Ms. R. and Alexis came out fighting. I was sincerely scared for Josh. I would be honored to have either one of Castle's ladies have my back."

By now Kate had unbuckled her belt and turned to face Espo. "Can you expand on 'verbally swinging'? 'Shoving' I can figure out all on my own."

"Josh straight up blamed Castle for you getting shot. You want more details than that maybe you should kick your buddy Bruce to the curb and call Castle."

The self-imposed honesty pack was killing Kate. Even if she swallowed a little ego she owed it to both to be honest.

"Ahh Javi, there's no Bruce. It's Castle. It's always been Castle – but I know you know that more than anyone." Kate blinked her eyes several times to make sure she wouldn't drop a tear. Honesty was a bitch.

Esposito's face softened. He didn't know what to do or say other than buckle up, start the car and head to the crime scene.

* * *

><p>Castle arrived on set and ushered directly to hair and make-up. He always thought the hair part was a bit ridiculous after all he used enough hair product to keep his hair from moving even if a hurricane hit. Otherwise it spiked up in all kinds of ridicoulos directions. He was okay with the pancake powder to make sure he didn't come across as pasty white, but the lip gloss was weird. Although he sure enjoyed tasting Kate's.<p>

Castle started kicking himself for agreeing to no contact. He needs to speak up and let her know, he doesn't do relationships were people don't talk to each other, where he gets cut off when it's too tough to talk. Maybe he should just call her, no text her, no he'll wait to see if the dress gets returned. That settles it if the dress doesn't get returned he is calling her, well maybe texting her. Damn her.

The PA interrupted Castle self-loathing, "Mr. Castle we are ready for you."

Castle sauntered over to stage right and prepared to take his seat as 'Mid-day Live's' guest. He gave the obligatory hand shake and kiss on the cheek to the anchor woman. Couldn't even remember her name. He politely went through the motions of answering the standard question. "When is the movie coming out?" "Are you working on a 4th Nikki Heat?" "Where will Nikki and Rook end up?" "Are you still with the 12th?" "Isn't it dangerous following around cops?" "Have you ever been shot at?" "Do they let you carry a gun?"

The last question almost tripped him up, "What do you look for in a woman?"

He pondered his answer for a moment…does he give his patented answer or does he send Kate a message. Castle answered "The number one quality I look for in a woman is someone who enjoys my coffee."

The anchor woman tried to hold back her puzzled look, instead she held up her cup of coffee and took a long sip and said "I like coffee, I might like yours."

* * *

><p>Castle headed towards the exit with a plan. In every interview he was going to drop a line about Kate. Like it or not. Noticeable or not, he needed to do something to make himself feel better.<p>

His phone began to buzz. He rolled his eyes when he saw who was calling – it was either an emergency or a headache in the making. "Hello Mother."

"How are you doing kiddo? Getting ready to go to you next interview?"

"Yes Mother."

"I talked to your Detective Beckett."

"I told you I had it under control." He felt the veins in his forehead begin to pulse, "That we talked."

"Richard, you have had it 'under control' for far too long."

He growled down the phone "If you ruined this!"

"Ruined what Richard? Exactly what do you have?"

"Mother, I have…." Castle was to exasperated to finish he thought.

"Richard, I did exactly what you would have done for Alexis."


	32. A little sultry, a little sorry

_**Chapter 32 – A little sultry, a little I'm sorry and a little I miss you.**_

Castle shrugged out of his leather jacket. He hung it neatly in the front closet. His eyes were drawn to his daughter stretched out on the coach and cradling her iPad "Hey Sweatheart."

"Hey Dad – I see you've been busy today."

"Hmm, _'see'_ I've been busy?"

Alexis' looked up from her iPad and gave her dad a squinty stare "Yeah, I'm watching the clips from your interviews today. Very telling"

"Ah…" His voice trailed off as he realized that even if Kate might not watch him on TV, his daughter figured it out. Castle picked up his daughter's outstretched legs and plopped onto the couch beside her, settling her legs on his lap "…that obvious?" Castle started to rethink if dropping Kate Comments in each interview was a wise decision.

"Individually, maybe not, but string together all the little nods to Detective Beckett and its obvious. 'The number one quality you look for in a woman is someone who enjoys your coffee. You are looking for a lady who can run in five inch heels, has legs for miles, can handle herself on the job and in the bedroom' – really Dad, really? My favorite 'loves wants to race the wind on a '94 Harley Softail.'"

Castle blushed a bit as he avoided his daughter's gaze. "How mad do you think she will be?"

Alexis shrugged her shoulders and tossed her iPad onto the coffee table "No clue Dad." A sneaky grin played on Little Castle's face "Oh, Oh I know we could edit them all together and send them to Detective Beckett and ask her what she thinks."

Castle gave his daughter's pony tail an affectionate tug, "Let's not and say we did."

Castle was halfway to his office when he turned on his heel and said "Change of plans – let's do it. I have some great pics of Kate you can use to fill in between my 'Kate Comments.'" He tossed his daughter his phone "Go to the album labeled KB."

Alexis shot her dad a questioning look "You're kidding right, because I was." Alexis was curious enough to quickly thumb through the album labeled KB and its 500 plus pictures. "Dad this is kind of creepy. In half these pictures look like she doesn't know you even took them."

Castle finished pouring his glass of wine and re-corking the bottle "TMI?"

Alexis dramatically dropped to the phone to the counter as if it was burning her fingers "TMI and possible jail time for stalking."

With an impish grin he said "Probably, but if it doesn't creep you out to much let's do it."

"I thought you said the fan videos were made by crazy people. Please don't tell me you have turned into a crazy person."

"Afraid so, don't worry sweetheart I can do it myself."

Alexis picked up his phone again. "At least let me pick the least creepy sneaky shots."

Castle kissed the top of his daughter's head "Deal" and headed back to his study.

* * *

><p>Kate and Esposito had chased down the suspect hours ago. Unfortunately for Kate she had rounded the alley corner too closely and slammed her shoulder into the edge of the brick building. It hurt to raise her arm and she would be black and blue for days. A small price to pay to be able to have a solid suspect locked up in less than 24 hours.<p>

As she sat waiting for the video camera tapes to prove the jackass she wasted on her shoulder on was guilty. She thought to herself, really? What jackass stabs someone at an ATM and then proceeds to try and get the money out? It's all on tape. The same jackass paced the edge of the crime scene saying the victim was his brother and mom needed money for a lifesaving operation. How stupid did this meth head think they were?

Kate gave a little laugh. Well she was stupid enough to think she could bounce off brick. She rubbed the pain in her shoulder but the only thought in her head was the pain that Martha was right. Shutting Rick out was wrong.

Kate double checked Gates' office.

Yep gone for the night.

It looked like it was just she and Esposito waiting on the tape. Once they showed jackass and his public defender the tape it would be time to play let's make a deal. A quick and easy case, the kind she loved and the kind Castle found pedestrian.

Kate snuck into Gates' office, taking a moment to get the right tone in her voice. The tone that she knew made world famous author Richard Castle a puddle of goo.

Once Kate felt confident she could pull it off she selected 'phone', then favorites and favorite #1.

Her tone was right… a little sultry, a little _'I'm sorry'_ and a little _'I miss you.'_ "Hey Rick."


	33. Call Interrupted

_**Chapter 33 – Call Interrupted**_

_**Disclaimer – shame on me I forget to include it often. Don't we all know by now, I don't own the characters? **_

Alexis had never ever heard Detective Beckett's voice use THAT tone. It was different. It was, well almost embarrassing to have heard it. Does she hang up? Alexis knew she couldn't hang up; it would send the wrong message.

Alexis had to say hello – ugh. Not almost – totally embarrassing "Hey Detective Beckett."

At the sound of Little Castle's voice Kate jerked the phone from her ear, who did she dial? Sure Kate had Little Castle's phone in her favorites, only because Rick insisted that if anything ever happened to him Kate call Alexis. Kate was positive she selected favorite #1. She DID hit favorite #1. Get it together Kate.

Back to Beckett business tone of voice "Your Dad okay?"

Alexis' face was a scarlet red, she was right Kate's tone of voice was just for her Dad. Creepy yet, something she needed to learn how to do.

Alexis began to babble uncontrollably, she knew her Dad would want to speak to Kate. "Yeah, sure, didn't mean to scare you, he left his phone with me, I'm working on a picture project for him, you know downloading his favorite photos." Crap, she almost said _'of you.'_ "I know he would want to talk to you. Please hold on."

Kate could feel Alexis' embarrassment over the phone, babbling was a sure sign of someone not knowing what to say.

* * *

><p>Alexis sprinted across the loft and waived frantically at her father who was typing furiously on his laptop. He looked up and she began drawing the letters <em>'K' – 'A' – 'T' – 'E'<em> in the air, followed by wildly pointing at the phone clutched to her chest.

* * *

><p>At first Kate heard the pounding of footsteps, followed by muffled sound, which meant the phone was most likely held tightly to muffle any conversations that might be heard. Maybe calling was a bad idea.<p>

And then Kate heard a stifled shout "KATE's on THE PHONE? GIVE IT TO ME!" Maybe calling was a good idea.

To her relief a gravely "Hey" came across the line. What Kate didn't know was that Castle was uncontrollably shoving his daughter out of his office and slamming the door shut. Castle then attempted to nonchalantly slide into a chair as if his last act was viewed by Kate and that his coolness could be felt through the phone.

When there was no response to his initial _'Hey'_ he tried again, softening his voice and closing his eyes, willing her to respond "Hey."

It took a minute. No, it took several minutes of listening to her slow and steady breathing. But he knew that breathing, so he waited. Just like she asked - he waited for her.

His heart skipped a beat when he heard the sultry "Hey" tumble out of her mouth. That 'hey' he knew held so much more than a casual hello. The _'hey'_ that was his and his alone.

"Thanks." Castle bit his lip, dumbass, that's the best you can come up with?

"For what?" Kate slapped herself on the forehead why was she playing stupid? "Called to say I was wrong."

He let out a little huff, it oddly comforted her. "Wrong?"

The words spilled out. "I shouldn't have told you not to call or text, you know the whole nothing until Sunday. It wasn't fair to you. It's not fair to you, to shut you out."

Her words were so delicious to him.

She took a deep breath "I went about it the wrong way. I wanted to set up a time, a place, a neutral place – dedicated to you, to us. No interruptions. Time to talk. Really talk. I owe you that."

"You don't owe me."

"_'Owe'_ might not be the best choice of words. But I care, I know it's hard for you to tell, but I care. I would like this to work – we need time. Time without a snippet here, a snippet there. Figure out where we are headed, could be headed. In person. Alone."

He bit down hard on his hand to prevent himself from interrupting. Rick knew she was on a roll, a mission of sorts.

"How to make it work. I want us to be headed some place together."

Her confession was greeted with silence. Uncertainty filled her head and heart. Kate thought it meant he didn't want it/her. She really fucked it up, he was done waiting.

He wanted her to the very core of his being, so much so Castle couldn't speak.

Kate began to back track. "Hey, it's alright, if you don't want to head anywhere. Maybe it was all me. Maybe you did it because you're a good man and you felt obligated to protect my life. Blackmailed into being around me after I didn't call this summer, out of respect for Montgomery…." Kate stopped breathing. Doubt devoured her mind. He felt obligated.

Castle jumped in, he was afraid she would hang up. "All want. No obligation, other than the obligation to my own selfish heart."

He heard her suck in air as if willing herself to breath as he asked "When? Where?"

Kate's heart quickened. She heard the smile that laced his questions of _'when?'_ and _'where?'_

He heard a hint of a laugh mixed with relief "Sunday, pick you up at 11:00am?"

Castle countered "How about I pick you up?" Sure it was a litmus test about control, but he liked to pick up his dates. It was a date wasn't it?

Kate struggled for a split second, she loved control. She had it all planned out. Relationships aren't about control they are about common ground. She needed to; she wanted to find common ground with Rick. "That would be great."

Castle knew by her tone that she wanted off the phone. "Still at the 12th?"

"Yeah – waiting on video tape to seal the deal. About as open and shut as they get."

"Good. Then I didn't miss anything today but you." Castle didn't need a response to what he had just said. He only wanted her to hear it. "Calling from your private office?"

Kate's heart skipped a tiny beat. He missed her. Rick meant _'All want. No obligation.'_ "What private office?"

Castle was happy she couldn't see the silly little grin he was wearing. "Ladies room." Or the waggle of his eyebrows. He loved teasing her – so tough so tease-able. But was she ticklish? – oh how his mind wandered.

Kate's mouth betrayed her "How did you know?"

"Comes from all that _'creepy'_ staring I do."

"Hmm" Castle could see her rolling her eyes through the phone. "Gates' office. She left early but I still don't need to get caught in here. See you Sunday."

"Looking forward to it. Oops, one quick thing – I may have sent a gift to your apartment."

"May have?"

"Bought it Friday, before, before – well you know. Regardless, you don't need to open it. Just put it some place safe and we can worry about it later."


	34. Waiting for You

_**Chapter 34 –Waiting for You**_

_**Disclaimer – not mine.**_

Castle hit speed dial on his phone. How lazy was he?

"How lazy are you?"

"Pretty lazy, now that we have established that do you have a few minutes to talk?"

"Be right down." Alexis plopped herself into the chair beside her Dad before the call even disconnected.

Castle looked at Alexis with a mixture of pride and fear. He wasn't positive how the conversation would go and he knew that Alexis would always be his number one.

"I need to know that if things work out with Kate you approve."

"You've never asked my opinion before, what makes you ask now?"

"I'd like you to feel comfortable with her here. Part of our family."

Little Castle's eyes grew larger than life, her Dad was starting to worry her. "Married okay or family dinner okay?"

Castle stuttered and stammered "Whoa! Married? Ah no, I haven't proven to be too successful with marriage."

"Then what?"

"Dating and you know…" His voice drifted off and he averted his eyes. Was Castle really about to ask his almost adult daughter if he was allowed to have his maybe possibly, sometime in the future girlfriend sleepover? Castle didn't even like the sound of 'girlfriend' in this head, Kate Beckett is so much more than a girlfriend, she's his air.

Alexis totally knew where her Dad was headed with his 'talk.' He wanted permission to have Kate stay over at the loft. "No, I don't know. Explain."

Castle caught the merriment in her eyes "You know what I am talking about."

Alexis continued to play dumb. "No, not really." It was really fun to watch her Dad squirm.

"Playing hard ball? Fine. If, no when Kate and I work things out I would like her to feel welcome in our home. Morning, noon or night. Are you comfortable with that?"

"Why are you asking?"

Castle scrubbed his hands across his face "You matter, your opinion matters and…"

"Kate matters." Alexis had finished her father's sentence. She saw the honesty in his eyes as he responded with a whisper of a "Yes."

Alexis stood up and ruffled her Dad's hair "Well then go and get her."

Alexis held back that she was jealous of Kate. Perhaps not jealous of Kate herself so much as jealous of the way in which her Dad put Kate's life above his own.

He matters too.

* * *

><p>Kate's apartment door was blocked by a large box. It irritated her to no end that her neighbors signed for packages and then dumped them on her doorstep. Didn't the very fact that the delivery required a signature indicate that whatever was inside might be valuable? Oh no, not to Kate's Mensa member neighbors. They were happier to abandon her deliveries in the hall rather than wait for her crazy schedule to allow her to claim a delivery at a reasonable hour.<p>

Shaking her head Kate carefully tucked the package under her arm and carried it inside. First thing she noticed was that the paper was simple but elegant. Although large, the box was deceivingly light. A little grin played on her lips as she placed it on the kitchen island, what had he done? Every girl liked unexpected gifts.

Kate headed to her bedroom, slipped into sweats and pulled his Green Hornet T-Shirt on over her head. A she slid the shirt past her nose, Kate inhaled deeply. Yep, the shirt still smelled like him, but more of a mixture of her and him.

Upon her return to the kitchen she poured herself a glass of water. She wasn't even thirsty. The need for water was a flimsy excuse to examine the box. Kate delicately ran her fingers across the embossed return address. Giving it a careful look she noticed it was only an address, no store name. Yet, the paper looked vaguely familiar.

Kate tried to resist the box calling her name, she caved and set her glass aside, carefully picking up the box. She held it to her ear as she gave it a little shake, it didn't sound breakable. She already knew it was light weight.

Next Kate gave the box a little sniff and ruled out baked goods. Of course not, Rick wouldn't have said it could keep if it was edible.

Kate chided herself, it was nearly midnight and she was investigating a package like a kid who found a stash of holiday presents. Kate moved the box to the dining room, out of sight out of mind.

She snuggled into the couch with a book. Kate thought she was reading, after all she kept turning the pages. Yet, it was impossible to concentrate with that package in the next room. It was staring at her - double dog daring her to open it. Just a quick peak, surely she could open it and reseal it without anyone noticing. A fringe benefit of all her years spent chasing criminals covering their tracks, she had learned a trick or two.

Without giving it another thought Kate ran to her bathroom grabbed a razor, she circled back past her desk grabbing the tape. She bent over the table, skillfully slit open the tape and removed the paper with care - instantly recognizing the logo on the box.

Kate couldn't help but flash back to the last time she had worn a Herve Leger, looks like it made a lasting impression on Mr. Castle. Good. But why?

For the first time in a long time Kate didn't care about the 'why.' She loved Herve and was dying to look. Sure some felt the bandage dress had come and gone – but Herve knew how to make a woman look sexy. Kate stood staring at the dress box for a few more minutes, silently fighting with herself over the pros and cons of taking the final step of lifting off the lid.

Kate knew she had '…_one chance, one opportunity…' _– to peep in the box. She also knew that if she didn't take a look she would be up all night fighting with herself over which one it could be.

Was it the short metallic one which had an edge of danger? The one described as tough but glamorous, which would hide the scar from the bullet? Or was it a sequined one that screamed _'hello I'm here._' Or was it the racy red long dress with the scoop neck slit to the thigh with the racer back? Kate loved the red one in the window on 5th Avenue. She even thought about trying it on just for fun, but it was cut deep in the front. Kate wasn't sure if she was ready to share her scar.

She quickly pulled the lid off, only to be stopped by the envelope taped to the tissue paper. Rick's unmistakable scrawl had written 'Kate' across the front. The 'why' was looking her straight in the eye.

Kate plucked the envelope from its resting place. Oh good it wasn't glued shut. Her fingers dipped inside, pulling out the note. Her heart began to race. It was a printed invite to the prescreening of '_Heat Wave.' _But it was the handwritten note at the bottom that she had to read twice -

_Kate- _

_To quote the unstoppable Katherine Hepburn - _

_'Love is nothing to do with what you are expecting to get – _

_only with what you are expecting to give, which is everything.' _

_Pick you up at 5._

_xoxo Rick_

Kate fiddled with the card, unsure of what to do next. His note had thrown her off her game.

Kate abandoned her investigation, headed to her bedroom and threw herself on her bed and began to sob.

Rick couldn't possibly have known she was named after her mother's Hollywood hero Katherine Hepburn. Kate's mom admired how Katherine Hepburn was fiercely independent, headstrong, and a risk taker. Her mother had been equally intrigued by the dichotomy between the publicly tough woman and the devotion she privately held for Spencer Tracy. Perhaps it was because her mother was exactly the same. Johanna Beckett was tough as nails but lived by the very quote that was written on the card clutched in Kate's hands, she gave without expecting anything in return.

Just like Rick.

* * *

><p>Castle checked the time for the last time, it was just after one in the morning and he hadn't heard from Kate. Was she working late? Was his gift locked up in some random neighbor's apartment? Did she open it? Was the note too much? Did she hate the dress?<p>

Didn't she knew he would be going crazy with wonder?

To hell with it – he was calling her…

* * *

><p>Wiping the tears from her face Kate knew she had to do something. Rick deserved something in return. Kate could just picture him sitting at home wondering if his gift had arrived. If it was safe.<p>

Snatching her phone off her dresser Kate headed to her closet. She began examining her shoes and selected 3 pairs. The common element was that they were all…. - well as Richard Castle would most likely describe them '_kinda slutty_.'

She laughed out loud thinking about when he had first described _'Nikki Heat'_ to her as _'kinda slutty'_. Kate had toyed with slamming on the car brakes and tossing him out into oncoming traffic and now, well now, all she wanted to do was tease him.

Kate placed the first pair beside a copy of 'Heat Wave' on the white marble bathroom floor and took a picture with her phone. She repeated the process for each pair. And before she lost her confidence she sent each picture to Rick.

The pictures were followed up by a one little text: _**What shoes should I have on at 5?**_

A nano second after hitting send Kate regretted it. She and Rick hadn't even agreed on how/if they should move forward and she was teasing him with pictures of sexy shoes.

Kate jumped when the phone in her hand started ringing, of course it was him. He couldn't just answer with a text? She tried to play it cool and honed in on her business voice, "Beckett here."

Laughter tumbled out of his mouth. Castle knew she was trying to compose herself with the _'Beckett here.'_ As if she didn't know who was calling, he let out a few more belly laughs, laughs filled with relief that she wasn't mad, before squeaking out "You peaked."

Like a defiant child she spat out "Did not."

"Really?" A smile danced on Castle's face "because I can hear you rolling your eyes."

Kate clamped her eyes shut to avoid his x-ray vision, choked down a smile in an attempt to remain stern and replied "Only read the card."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Why?"

"Waiting for you."


	35. The Pick Up

_**Chapter 35- The Pickup**_

_**Disclaimer – characters are not mine. **_

_**Shout out to my proof reader - next challenge is executing the edits. **_

_**Again a nod to the brillance of Eminem. **_

"Dad – how many times can you pack and unpack? You are going away for like two nights somewhere close by. You need it come home and get it or charge it."

He mumbled in response "It's something to do. The packing and unpacking, it keeps me busy."

"Nervous?"

With a quirky smile he replied "Like a school girl."

"Well this should be a good ice breaker." Alexis shoved her iPad in his hands "Take it Dad. It's a little sappy, a little corny and a testament to well...you and your heart."

Castle shot his daughter a confused look. "Hmm?"

"The video/homage to Detective Beckett that you asked for; of course I limited my picture selection to the non-stalker ones."

Castle was torn between sweeping Alexis up into his arms and twirl her about and using her iPad as a Frisbee. "Really? You think I'm a stalker?"

"Okay not a stalker but you do have some creepy photos of Detective Beckett."

"You and Kate should hang out together."

"Why?"

Castle executed his best Grouch Marx eyebrow waggle. "You both think I'm kind of creepy."

"I don't think you're creepy…" Alexis rolled her eyes, "…I just think there are pictures of Detective Beckett that are oddly, umm, well how do I say it? Intimate. But not."

Castle smothered a smile. They were intimate pictures. Images that captured Kate's true essence, the rawness and vulnerability that makes up the interior of Kate Beckett, so often hidden below the surface of the strong sexy salty exterior.

* * *

><p>Beckett clipped her badge to her belt and holstered her gun. She regretted having to bring them with her, but Ryan's was delayed and Gates said, no ordred her to be on call until noon. It was non-negotiable.<p>

A quick look at her watch showed that she had one hour and fifteen minutes until she was officially off, but only fifteen minutes until Rick was due to arrive.

Beckett headed for the elevator, pleased with herself that she had messengered what she dubbed the 'Castle Collection' over to Maddie to send up to the room prior to their arrival. Sure it was expensive; but the last thing Beckett needed to do was to arrive at a crime scene carrying a dress bag, a box and an overnight bag. Kate wanted everything as perfect as she could orchestrate - overnight bag, CFMs and the mysterious Herve Leger box waiting for them at the hotel.

Murder or not.

* * *

><p>The town car pulled up outside her apartment, Castle began nervously rubbing his hands up and down his thighs. Get out of the car? Stay in the car? Send the car away? Was the car too much? He knew Kate hated taking taxis.<p>

Kate Beckett would walk a mile in the freezing rain before she hailed a cab. Kate likened riding in a cab to using a gas station bathroom. Refusing a cab when off-duty was another contradiction that laid within the layers of the _'Beckett Onion.'_ She would crawl through sewers, entertain a rat dancing on her neck when she was on the job, but the minute she was off the clock _'Uptown Beckett' _came out to play.

What if they were only going a block or two? What if she changed her mind and wanted home field advantage? What if she only wanted coffee? What if she came said _'go home Castle, go home.' _

Castle stepped out of the car and shook his head in an attempt to clear away the negative thoughts and self-doubt. The coldness crispness of the February air only cleared the cobwebs for a moment. Should he go up and get her? Or wait outside? Would she show up? Damn.

He needed to grow a set.

* * *

><p>Kate exited the elevator a floor earlier, giving her the perfect vantage point for spying on him. She peered out the window and spotted him. Castle was pacing back and forth in front the entrance way. Beckett smile a little to herself, he was gesturing frantically and talking to himself. A total <em>'tell'<em> that he was just as nervous as she was.

Kate hadn't had this many butterflies in her stomach since she waited in her bedroom in her parent's house for her first real date to finish being grilled by her Dad. Even though Kate had the entire weekend planned out in her head – every step and every word, she still had sweaty palms. The hitch was that she hadn't sent Castle a script and Kate had no idea how he would react. Would he play along with the lines she had written for him in her head or would he write his own?

In her heart of hearts the one thing that Kate was certain of it was time for Rick and Kate...Beckett and Castle needed to be checked at the door.

Kate took the breath of a life time and headed back to the elevator and hit "L."

* * *

><p>There she was.<p>

He knew it was her.

The boot. Oh the boot.

Just the tip of a boot was edging its way out of her building.

The tip was followed by laces that wrapped her legs from ankle to knee.

No one placed a leg like her. Surely they don't teach that walk in cop school, it was 100% natural Kate. A woman was born with that walk or she wasn't.

He drank her in – white skinny boy jeans, knee-high black patent leather boots, cropped white Altzuzarra white top, and a long flowing red suede duster. Kate's coat accented and suggested all the shapes and curves hidden beneath. Rick couldn't help but have his eye drawn to the hint of skin showing between her top and her jeans. Detective Kate Beckett never wore an outfit like this to work.

How Rick loved Kate – not the detective, just Kate. His breath caught in his throat, breathing was becoming a challenge.

_His palms grew sweaty, __knees grew weak, arms are heavy...o__n the surface he looks calm and ready._

She walked towards him with a purpose.

She had walked out.

She knew she needed to walk in.

She reached him and squared her hips to his.

Leaned in, lightly kissed his lips.

Leaned further in, pressing her chest to his and whispered in his ear, "Hello Rick."

She hoped it was enough, it was all that she had.

The next move was his.


	36. Be Fearless

_**Chapter 36 – Be Fearless.**_

_**Disclaimer – Obviously not mine, I don't do crime stories. **_

_**Very humbled by the reviewer who called me evil and the reviewer who suggested a piece of prose had appeared. Evil is easier than prose. **_

Slipping his hands inside her coast, snaking his arms around her, Rick pulled her closer. "Hello Kate."

Her kiss tasted so right – until he his hand felt the hard cold butt of her gun – she was packing, her service weapon not bags for a weekend away. She was empty handed, no luggage in sight.

Rick shot back as if he had been hit with a Taser. His body filled with uncontrollable tension.

"Wait."

Confusion swept across Kate's face. "Wait?"

"I thought we were going away together." Rick's face screwed up into a painful scowl "Alone, to talk."

The crinkles around Rick's eyes hardened as he glared at her "You don't have a bag."

He stared at the cracks in the sidewalk, willing one of them to open up and take him away. "I feel like a fool all packed up and ready to go. I am done playing games."

Kate grasped at the lapels of his coat, tugging him towards her. She placed a finger on his chin, tipping his face to meet hers. "So am I."

She ran her finger from his chin to his heart. Tapping his chest gently she said, "Might not have a right to ask for it, but have a little faith in me." Rick rested his forehead to hers and exhaled "Trying."

He noticed that a smile played on her lips and her eyes were bright. Rick felt the tension begin to drain from his body. "Gates put me on call 'til noon. Ryan had flight issues."

She turned up the sleeve of his coat and tapped the face of his watch, her lips formed into a toothy smile "I'm praying a body doesn't drop in the next fifty-four minute. Ready to go?"

* * *

><p>Kate nodded her head towards the town car she asked. "For us?" She already knew it was, but wanted to acknowledge Rick's generosity, without admitting she had spied on him earlier.<p>

"Yes."

"Nice touch. I love a good town car."

Castle's scowl had vanished. The corner of his lips began to twitch as he took in the expression on her face. Kate's eyes were full of life. He spun to the car to open the door, only to stop and look at her again.

She looked good.

No she looked great. He let out a little snicker "You better hope a body doesn't drop. Wearing this outfit…" and traced the tip of his finger across her abs where her skin peaked out between her shirt and the top of her jeans. "Esposito won't need to see you carrying luggage to know something is up."

"Got that covered – I told him."

Rick swallowed several times, he couldn't help it. He knew his Adam's apple was giving him away. "Told him what?"

Kate looked him square in the eye and replied "Everything."

Rick let out a little breath and questioned her with his eyes. He wanted to ask what_ 'everything' _meant to her, to hear her explain it. The look in her eyes said _'all in good time.' _

Rick acquiesced. "Okay then."

* * *

><p>Once settled into the car he asked "Where to?"<p>

Kate rested a hand on his thigh, gave it a quick squeeze and let out a nervous chuckle. "Ten West."

Rick's eyebrows danced and his voice went up an octave. "Really?"

She returned his 'really' with a mocking higher pitched "Really!"

He placed his hand over hers, took a moment to collect his thoughts. Every word and movement she made said everything was on the right track. But how many times had they fought, made up and never talked about what needed to be talked about? Was this going to be another one of those times? He needed a sign. "Any ground rules for our adventure?" She always had rules.

It was impossible to miss the confusion that had played out across Rick's face. Kate realized she had a tremendous amount of work ahead of her, they both did. "Rules would imply one of us was in charge. So, no Rick, there are no rules."

He smiled and brushed his free hand through his hair "Good."

Kate had to back track, "Well maybe one."

Rick braced himself. He never was very good with rules.

"Honesty."

* * *

><p>As they arrived at the hotel Rick tapped his driver on the shoulder, "Just pop the trunk. I'll take it from here."<p>

Rick scurried around the car to open her door. He was pleasantly surprised to see her calmly waiting for him. He thought for sure she would be half way out of the car or on the curb before he made it around the car. Rick offered his hand to help her out of the car. She took it without saying a word or batting an eye. Rick quirked an eyebrow at Kate "Who are you and where is my Beckett?"

She gave him what he previously dubbed the _'Mona Lisa' _smile, and ignored his question. "We need to go in through the residence entrance."

Rick couldn't hide the shock in his voice "YOU have a residence?"

"Maddie."

It was all starting to make sense. Rick had friends who lived at the Ritz in Boston. They were all set up the same. "Meaning?" He wanted to hear her say it.

Kate knew what he wanted to hear. "I asked for help. Maddie gets outrageously affordable deals at the hotel. The views of _'Lady Liberty'_ and the Harbor at night are stunning."

His face broke into a shit eating grin. Rick Castle knew seduction when he saw it.

Kate chose to ignore the delight that flickered through Rick's eyes. "Only drawback is you'll have to carry your own bag. We duck into the residence entrance, grab the keys and head on up. We aren't officially registered guests."

* * *

><p>When Kate gave the doorman her name, she expected an envelope of sorts. The little black bag the doorman presented Kate with was a surprise. Kate knew the origin of that specific type of little black bag. After all it was imprinted with <em>'La Perla.'<em>

She crossed her fingers it was a repurposed bag. Kate tentatively dipped her hand inside. Her fingers felt the tissue paper, followed by the softest of silk and knew Maddie hadn't recycled the bag.

Kate delicately moved past the silk, desperately fighting the urge roll her eyes at the thought of her friend lingerie shopping for her. As she extracted the card key envelope, Kate caught the flash of recognition on Rick's face.

He had been watching her through hooded eyes and the way Rick struggled to suppress a smile, she knew, he knew, she knew that the bag wasn't just about key cards.

Ignoring the situation at hand, Kate pulled a key card from its envelope and handed it to Rick. A piece of paper fluttered to the floor. Rick bent over to retrieve it. He couldn't help but read it. His cheeks turned red, his steely blue eyes darkened to a violet color. If they could get through the honesty part of the weekend Date #4 was a lock. He cleared his throat as he handed the note to Kate "Think this is for you."

Rick retrained himself from whipping out his phone to add to his writing notes, instead he settled for a mental note to make Rook's favorite restaurant in the upcoming Nikki Heat novel one of Maddie's. He had feeling he was going to owe her a little free PR.

Taking in the the depth of desire in Rick's eyes, Kate knew the note had been intended for her eyes only.

_Becks- _

_Be fearless. _

_xoxo-Maddie_


	37. Minutes and the Middle

_**Chapter 37 Minutes and the Middle**_

_**Disclaimer – the characters are not mine, the forward progression is.**_

Kate led the way to the corner suite, gesturing for Rick to use his card key. Rick waggled his eyebrows at her and gestured towards the little black bag. "Would you like me to carry that in for you?"

Reflexes took over, causing Kate to crush the bag to her chest. In a feeble attempt to recover from her over dramatic clutching of the bag she responded with a seductive purr. "All in good time, Ricky."

Rick sucked in a noisy breath, rasping out, "Lookin' forward to it."

For both of them the hallway suddenly shrunk to an unbearably small space as they waited for the little light to turn green, granting the entrance to their room. Their suggestive banter was no longer a safe place to hide. It wasn't just banter any more.

As Rick held open the door the last of Kate's bravado drained from her body. He placed a reassuring hand on the small of her back and gave her a little nudge forward. Kate averted her eyes, but flashed a shy smile before dipping her head while mumbling, "Time to get real."

* * *

><p>Rick stopped to ask himself why he had never been to the Ritz before. The space was a gorgeous two bedroom corner suite. Kate was right, the view was stunning. The midday sun flickered like little flames off the Hudson. Rick was positive Lady Liberty winked at him.<p>

Kate left his side to wander over to the window. He caught her eyes in the reflection of the window as he dropped his bag next to hers. It was comforting to see her bags weren't hidden away in a bedroom. Rick took it as a sign that the sleeping arrangements hadn't been decided.

Her eyes were welcoming but tentative. She checked her watch. "Seven minutes." Kate shrugged out of her coat, draped it over the back of a waiting chair and checked her watch again. "Six minutes."

She removed her badge and gun, examining her watch again "Four minutes." Kate headed to the entry way closet. Rick sunk into the couch.

His eyes remained fixated on her as she fiddled with the safe, securing her work life inside. Bye-bye badge and gun.

Another peak at her wristwatch led her to announce, "Three minutes and counting." Kate slipped her phone out of her back pocket – shot a smile his way, "Time to check out."

"Espo you all set?" It was more of a statement than a question.

Rick watched as a blush crept up the side of her neck, she looked to be gnawing on her bottom lip. After a few moments of silence she snorted out, "Yes, Espo, you can tell Ryan."

Her face continued to redden, but she wasn't so far off her game that she hadn't turned to face Rick full on and roll her eyes at him. "Fine, I promise to tell Castle you say hello."

Rick was sure he saw her choke down a giggle. "Bye, Espo."

Based on Kate's reaction to her conversation with Esposito, Rick felt Esposito may have just earned himself free drinks for life at _'The Old Haunt.'_

Kate turned off her phone, tossed it in the safe, shut the door and with hips swaying side to side she circled behind Rick and murmured into his ear. "Up for a walk?"

* * *

><p>The empty elevator didn't stop Rick from crowding into her personal space. His hips bumping hers, the back of his hand brushing against hers and when she didn't move away, he twined his fingers with hers.<p>

Kate smiled warmly at Rick. Rick returned her smile with an impish grin and shrugged his shoulders "I like to touch."

His heart stumbled as his brain registered her reply. "I like to be touched."

* * *

><p>Stepping out of the hotel Rick was uncertain of where they were headed. He looked to Kate to take the lead. She linked her arm in his and led the way towards the Hudson. They began a silent walk north along the river, matching each other stride for stride.<p>

The breeze playing on the shores of the Hudson River was a welcome diversion from the task at hand. Rick knew that as easy as their day had begun there were things they both needed to say. After nudging her hip multiple times and shooting her several sideways glances, he knew it was up to him to start the conversation.

Rick slowed his pace, turned towards Kate, brushed the back of his hand across her cheek and with the softest of eyes said, "Let's start at the beginning."

Rick wasn't clear, even to himself, what he meant by _'start at the beginning'_. He didn't know if he meant the first time they met, they first time they fought, the first time they made up, the first time they kissed or the first lie that was confessed. Too many firsts without enough seconds.

"That's a tough one. I'm the type of girl who always flips to the end of the book to see if it's worth reading."

He tucked a wild hair behind her ear. Rick loved when her hair was down, kind of curly, kind of wild – it made Kate so much more approachable. "Real life doesn't work like that."

Chewing on her bottom lip for a moment, looking for the right words, "Would it be alright if we start in the middle?"

"I'll take the middle."

Rick guided them to a bench. It was sheltered from the wind and with the clear skies it was surprisingly warm out. New York could do that to you; give you a brilliant sunny day in the midst of the grey known as February.

Even with the warmth of the sun on their faces, he felt her reluctance to be still, he tugged on her hand until she settled beside him.

Kate removed her hand from his and returned to her feet. Jamming her curled fists deep into the pockets of her coat, she nudged his knees apart and stood between them. Kate knew she couldn't quiet her body to sit comfortably beside him, not yet, but she wanted him to know she was present.

Her speech began with a huff. "I'm sorry." Kate had practiced it countless times. In the mirror at home, in the shower and on the drive into work; she thought it would be easy. It wasn't.

Watching someone he loved struggle was never easy for Rick, he wanted to jump in and say something to make it right or lighten the mood. His desire to speak was halted by the need to speak that he caught in her eyes.

"My mother's murder is my kryptonite. When you showed me your murder board I was enraged that you would hide something so personal from me. I felt betrayed. My anger morphed into a pity party over the strength of the kryptonite. I hate being weak. I don't want you to see me as damaged or fragile."

Kate pulled her hands from her pockets and placed them on his shoulders. "I hate that her murder has consumed me." Pausing for a moment she gathered her thoughts "No that's not right I hate that I have ALLOWED it to consume me, given it permission to define me. That when I receive a bit of information on it I turn into a dog in a fight that has its first taste of blood and can't let go. My leaving was more about me then you."

His lips began to twitch as if would speak. She placed a hand over them, fingers playing with the smile lines at the corners of his mouth. Selfishly Kate knew she had to get it out now. If she didn't get it out now – it might not find its way out.

"I walked out on you. I didn't hear you out. Didn't show you the respect of asking you why you kept the information from me. I didn't trust you with my heart."

Rick's shoulders sagged, _'She doesn't trust me with her heart.' _

Kate flinched as she watched Rick's body slump forward on the bench. "I'm not doing a very good job at this." She pushed him upright, running her thumbs across his furrowed brows. "I was wrong."

He looked up and searched her face for a clue. "Wrong?"

"The other day I said I could have handled it. That you should have told me everything. Truth is I couldn't, I would have lied and said I could." Tangling her hands through her hair, she looked away. "Hell, I lied about hearing you say _'I love you.' _I was a train wreck."

Kate let out a sardonic laugh, "Frightening that I passed the psych exam. You knew I couldn't, handle it. I would have been that dog tasting blood. I could have gotten myself killed or Evelyn and the kids killed, and worse yet, you and possibly your family."

Rick nudged her forward with his knees and stood. Taking her face in his hands so she had no choice but to meet his eyes, "I would do it all over again. I will always choose the chance of you leaving me over you dying."

She dropped her head to his shoulder. "I don't want you to choose."

"But I will." He took her hands, clasping them in his, bringing them to his chest, forcing her to awkwardly slip onto his lap as he reclaimed his seat on the bench. Rick hooked his ankles together capturing her legs.

Kate recognized the look in his eyes. "You think I am going to run? Walk away, from this? She gestured between the two of them.

Was he that obvious in his attempt to restrain her? "Maybe."

Kate leaned in, whispering in his ear, she wanted him to know, to feel that the words she was about to speak were just for him. "Not without a fight."

Kate paused for a moment and when he said nothing. She filled in the silence "I love you. Rick, I am in love with you. I am not sure what could possibly change that – my heart loved you before my head even liked you."

Rick brought his hands to her face, cradling her softly. He wasn't prepared for the big searching eyes holding back the tears.

"The thing is, you love to fix things, but there are parts of me that can't be fixed. I am coming to terms with that. That is why I took you to Ben's bar; to show you that I have an outlet for PTSD and it might not always include you. The challenge is taking care of the ones you love is what you do. You need to be involved. You can't always be involved, somethings I need to do on my own."

Gathering her in his arms he bent his head closer to her, feeling her breath on his ear.

"My mom's murder and PTSD will always cause a knee jerk reactions in me. It's how I'm wired. What I am working on and will continue to work on is shifting that reaction from running blindly into the night to living in the sun."

Rick's grip tightened on her; he knew he was leaving bruises. "I won't have you shut me out. I won't stand by and watch you embark on a suicide mission or crumble into a thousand little pieces."

"I can't promise I won't shut down or need to be alone. I need to find a way for you to understand that it's a reflection of me, not you, not us. I can promise there will be no suicide missions and I can promise stop shutting YOU out over us. I can't promise not to shut down over me. Need to fix it on my own, can you live with that?"

Wiping away her tears he asked, "Why is this the middle?"

"I don't want it to be the end."


	38. What are You Hungry For?

_**Chapter 38 – What Are You Hungry For?**_

_**Disclamier - The characters are not mine, the forward movement it.**_

Looking into her eyes Rick knew Kate was about to break. He could feel Kate's body betraying her steely gaze as her body shuddered with nervous tremors. He tried to calm her with words, "I'd like to make from today forward the sequel."

Kate moved to speak. She saw the _'but_' forming on his lips even before he said it. She hated 'buts.'

Rick quieted her with a look. "But first, my turn to talk…" He slipped a hand inside her coat and drew aimless circles on back. "I can work on accepting that when your mother's case comes up or your PTSD is triggered that you may need to step back, take a breath. But you need to be able to tell me that you need to step back. No more _'Castle get out'_ no more _'Castle we are thru'_ no more _'good-bye Rick'. _Those phrases are deal breakers. Do you know how many times I have gone to bed wondering if you would ever talk to me again?"

Kate winced and pulled back to search his eyes for the answer.

With a soft kiss Rick silenced her attempt to speak. "That was a rhetorical question."

His fingers played up and down her spin. "In my family we talk, we fight, we make up – but we never shut the door. Can you deal with that?"

"What kind of deal are we talking about?"

"I have my ideas." Rick pondered for a moment longer, wondering if he wanted to say the word _'Josh'._ Just thinking the word _'Josh'_ caused bile to rise in his throat. "First I need to ask, what I should have asked before."

Kate leveled her eyes at him and braced herself. "Ask."

Speaking in a hushed tone Rick asked, "When did you break up with Josh? You told me why, but not when."

A smile spread across her face it, illuminated from the inside out. That smile. How he loved that particular smile, confident, shy, embarrassed and flirty all in one. "That day you visited me in the hospital, that same day – after he finished rounds."

"But you still lied and disappeared. You cloaked yourself in silence." The way he said _'lied'_ cut like a knife. As much as Rick had told her he understood why she lied, Kate needed to remind herself that her lying hurt him deeply. The lie might be forgiven but not forgotten.

Kate struggled to gather her words, "Rick, I knew what door needed to be shut. The challenge was opening the next one and walking through it."

Rick tangled his hand in her hair, a curly mess – courtesy of the early afternoon breeze. "It's open now right?" He pressed his lips against her cheek and with a tentative smile, his words playing on her face, "I have a request."

"We've come this far."

"As much as I love and want you. And God I want you. Don't ask me to risk my family or you. Don't look into your mother's case. Leave it alone. Whoever is protecting you and Roy's family made it very clear that if you investigate it, you won't be safe."

With tears welling in his eyes and a hitch in his voice he carried on, "Because if, no well _when_, at least I hope you do – stay…stay at my place then my family is at risk too. I won't do that to Alexis and Mother."

Score two points for Dr. Burke. He had asked her what she would do when Rick asked her to leave the case alone, to walk away from her mother and a portion of her own identity.

Kate inhaled deeply. She knew it was coming, had prepared to hear him ask, yet it still stung "One condition. Scratch that…_'condition'_ sounds like a contract negotiation. Promise me that you will let the case go. Let it rest. And if your mysterious friend calls, you tell me."

Scrubbing his hands across his face and through his hair, Rick looked at Kate with sorrowful eyes. "Not sure I can promise you that."

"You're going to have to try. No more secrets." It took Kate a moment to be able to say it, to gather the strength to admit a weakness, to make one more request. "Please take down the murder board."

Rick reacted with a tentative smile, not knowing if she was truly ready for his response. "I already did."

"Good. Because – I think knowing…" Kate stopped and pulled Rick to her, speaking softly into his mouth, feeling him suck the words out of her as she breathed – "…when the board is within my reach…" and then she looked up and winked at him "…WHEN I stay at your place. If the board is so close to me it might be like an alcoholic in a bar, too much temptation. Not a good idea."

A cloud crossed Kate's face, her eyes grew murky. She desperately wanted to ask why Rick took it down, where it was now, if something happened to him what happened to it and who knew about it. But was she ready to hear the answers?

Rick could see her slipping away, a mask of independence and solitude forming on her face.

"Apples." He whispered "Apples." In a deep guttural tone he whispered it again. "Apples."

'_Apples?' _ "Really Rick? _'Apples'_." Kate feebly attempted to wiggle from his grasp.

Rick wasn't giving in, in fact he tightened his legs around her and held her tighter. Didn't she know by now his number one defense mechanism was deflecting? "We need a safe word and _'apples'_ is my safe word and I am willing to share it with you."

"Seriously? A safe word?" Oh the stare of death, the eye roll – how he loved how she talked as much with her eyes as her mouth.

"Katherine Beckett, get your mind out of the gutter. A safe word, as in I won't let you shut me out. If I feel like you are shutting me out then _'apples_' it is."

"You mean like right now?"

"Yes, well not shutting me out…" he quirked an eyebrow at her "…maybe slipping away."

With a guilty little nod she confirmed his suspicions. Kate leaned forward and buried her face in his chest. "Cherries."

"Cherries?"

"My safe word. You say _'apples' _I need to stop and listen. I say _'cherries'_ you need to give me room to breathe, to pull back and regroup, but not about or from us."

With a twinkle in his eye and a devilish grin he said "Right; now that that is settled – what word do you want to use for…"

Kate deftly repositioned herself to straddle Rick. "Quit while you're ahead." She swooped in and snatched his bottom lip between her teeth and gave it a gentle tug.

Rick responded by tickling her. Kate let go of his lip and laughed loudly as she called out "Chocolate!"

Damn. Now he knew she was ticklish.

Between his own laughter Rick sputtered out, "What is _'Chocolate'_?"

Kate began pressing her hips into his until she felt his unconscious response as he shifted his hips on the bench and moved his hands to her bare midriff, slowly trailing his finger beneath her shirt to run this thumbs over taut abs.

She placed a wet, hot, teasing kiss at the base of his throat, saying, "Well..."

Another kiss was placed little higher, a little circle drawn with her tongue, murmuring, "its..."

A kiss at the corner of his mouth, muttering, "the..."

Flicking her tongue along his lips enough to tease, but not please, whispering, "other..."

The next kiss parted his lips and left his eyes smoked over with desire, huffing out, "kind of..."

It was followed by a kiss that was a full on assault, her lips bruising his, sighing, "safe..."

The last kiss had him grasping her by the waist and slowly rocking, raising to meet her. She finished with a purr, "word."

* * *

><p>"Hungry?" He asked as he nibbled on her ear, "I need to be fed."<p>

"Mmm, you're already snacking."

Rick slid his hand around her to her backside, cupped her ass. "Yes, and if we keep this up and one of New York's finest is going to come along and arrest us. I am planning on being locked up with you tonight, but not the kind of lock up that includes sharing a cot with 'Bubba.'"

She exhaled a breathy, "No Bubbas."

"Plus I'm cold." He whined.

Kate lifted her head and rolled her eyes. "It's February, fifty-one degrees and the sun is shining." Kate played with the hair at the nape of his neck. "I thought I was doing a pretty good job at heating you up."

Rick burrowed his hands inside her coat, found the edge of her shirt and slid his cold hands up along her warm back. Kate jumped off his lap as if she was shot out of a rocket. "Point taken." He was so going to get it for that.

Kate tightened her coat around her. He was right, the sun was starting to dip it was getting chilly. "Eat out, order in or room service?"

"Out but in." Rick stood up, placed a lazy arm around her shoulders and began steering her back to the hotel.

Kate quirked a brow and asked, "Help me with that one."

"We could run up to _'Eataly'_, pick up a few things and picnic in the room."

"Picnic sounds good. We need car. I'd call for one but my phones on vacation so…"

Rick dragged her close to him, wrapping his arms around her. "About that, the phone not the car." his voice faltered for a moment. "Watching you lock up your badge, gun and phone was one of the sexist things I have ever watched a woman do."

Kate moving with cat like grace, hooking a leg around his body and pressing herself against him in all the right places, "So, I should cancel the striper pole delivery?"

* * *

><p>The driver pulled up in front of <em>'Eataly.<em>' Kate waited for Rick to open her door and offer her a hand to help her out. Rick shook his head in disbelief as he helped her out of the car. "Twice in one day, you don't drive and you don't open your own door. I told you miracles happen."

Kate held onto his hand but rolled her eyes. Sometimes it was better to say nothing then to encourage him.

The door of _'Eataly'_ opened and they were greeted by a flurry of activity. "This place is massive."

"You've never been?" Rick asked.

"No, seemed like the concept catering to tourists. The whole eat, shop, and drink combo."

"I was skeptical at first too, but you'll see. Plus they have the perfect food for a romantic date."

Squeezing his hand, she asked. "Planning a little romance are you?"

"Quickest way I know how to get you into whatever Maddie gave you."

Kate teased back. "Maybe it's just for me."

"You're telling me you're not '_fearless_'?"

A furious blush took over Kate's face as Rick gave her a knowing grin. The grin Kate had secretly dubbed '_the shit-eating grin'_, he was so damn proud of himself. All she wanted to do was wipe the grin off his face.

Kate reached up and cupped her hands behind his head. She brought him within an inch of her, close enough to touch, but not. She ran her fingers inside his collar and across the back of his neck. Kate began tracing one hand down his chest to his belt buckle, curling her fingers just inside his waist band, the back of her fingers seductively brushing across his stomach as she played with his belt.

Rick's eyes clouded over, he swallowed repeatedly. She held his eyes with hers. She slowly drew him to her.

Standing on her tiptoes she leaned in to kiss him, as his mouth moved to capture hers, she turned her head and hummed in his ear "What are you hungry for?" and after a bit of a pause she added, "Besides me?"


	39. His Touch

_**Chapter 39 – His Touch**_

_**Disclaimer- Not Mine.**_

_**This story will become a little AU in an attempt to round out the characters of KB and RC, by adding a few new ones and beefing up ones that have come and gone, like Maddie. Also I am suspending all reality when it comes to KB's shoes and clothes. Then again so have the producers of 'Castle,' very few cops can independently afford that many cool coats and kick ass shoes.**_

Kate sat in the car perusing her purchases. They had agreed to split up to conquer the crowds. Rick had assigned her the task of selecting dessert and late night snacks. He had taken on the task of dinner and wine.

Rick flung open the car door, shoved four overstuffed bags at her "Don't peek, I forgot something." He slammed the door shut and went off running down the street. Kate shook her head in amusement. They were just in the largest market in NYC and Rick Castle was dashing down the street in search of more.

Surely a little peak wouldn't hurt. It all smelled so delicious. After all he's the one that abandoned her in a car and sprinted down the sidewalk. Kate captured a bag between her feet and slid it towards her, in case he dusted for prints later. As she dipped her hand inside the bag she heard a deep male voice. "He asked you not to peek."

Kate's jerked her head up, her hand knocked the bag over. "Excuse me?"

The driver's eyes were twinkling at her in the rearview mirror. "Sorry Ms. Kate, Rick asked me to keep an eye on you, said you weren't to be trusted."

It was the first time Kate took note of the Rick's driver, he was mid 50's grey around the temple, a hard face with gentle eyes to match the southern drawl he tried to cover up.

It was his tone of voice that struck a chord with her, it was polite but protective. "You drive Rick often?"

"Exclusively, ever since Ms. Alexis was born."

Kate knew a story waiting to happen when she heard it. "That's a long time."

"Yep." There it was, a full on southern twang that had been hiding a moment ago. Kate scrunched up her nose. Crap, he wasn't a talker.

"Bet you are wondering how we hooked up."

She nodded her head in agreement.

"It's confidential."

Kate flashed him a full smile, a smile that hit her eyes.

"He warned me you might try and_'smile'_ it out of me."

Kate burst out laughing, damn, Castle knew her too well. She was still laughing when Rick tumbled back into the car carrying a small brown grocery bag.

"Clay, tell me, did she peep in the bags or try working her smile on you to betray me?"

A baritone laugh rumbled out of Clay "Both."

Kate liked Clay; he was a solid guy with an obvious affection for Rick. "Clay, really? Really? You turn on me this quickly?"

"Clay, can you give us a moment?" and with that the privacy window went up.

Rick simultaneously slid across the seat. He nuzzled his face into her neck "He was my friend first." Rick captured her lips with his and began to taste her. It was a long slow leisurely kiss that said _'not going anywhere.'_

The soft rapping of knuckles on her window caused Kate to break off the kiss, "Hey, stud; we're here."

Looking down at his unbuttoned coat and bunched up shirt, Rick asked. "When did you do that?"

"Not sure." She leaned forward and grazed a soft wet kiss across his cheek.

* * *

><p>Rick placed their purchases at his feet and slid his hand inside her jacket. Tucking his hand inside the back pocket of her jeans, he slowly dragged her towards him. Rick's eyes danced with merriment as he leaned his head against hers.<p>

Kate had the distinct feeling riding in elevators with Rick was going to be full of temptation.

Rick began to swirl his tongue against the soft skin at the nape of her neck. Rick's mouth took hold of her neck, playing with her skin between his lips.

Kate gently pushed him away, "No more 'branding' where my co-workers can see."

Rick jammed his hands in his pockets, "YOU, my lady are no fun."

Planting a quick kiss on his cheek as the elevator doors opened, "We will see about that."

* * *

><p>Rick allowed Kate to help him carry their groceries to their room. But that was as far as it went. Once inside the door he took their purchases and pushed her out of the pantry to unpack. Rick loved the pantry. It had everything he need and more, right down to crystal champagne flutes.<p>

Kate smiled to herself, knowing Rick would be disappointed that he couldn't see what she bought. It took some doing but after promising there would be no returns Kate had talked the cashier into blackening out the labels on the little pastry boxes that she had purchased. Some secrets were acceptable for a girl to have.

* * *

><p>Kate stood in the living room staring at their bags, debating with herself on where to clean up. She wanted to change and freshen up for dinner, even if it was just a private picnic. Who was she kidding there was no <em>'just'<em>about this evening. If, she picked a bedroom and closed the door to change would Rick take it the wrong way?

Returning to the pantry she stood with her back to Rick "I'm not here to look. Wanted to see if it was okay to use…" _'deep breath girl, you can do this'_ "…our room to change first?"

Rick was thankful Kate wasn't able to see his jaw go slack or the olives tumble out of the open container and roll across the floor at the simple use of the word 'our.' He croaked out an, "All yours."

Kate struggled to sound normal, he had heard her. "Dressing up or down for tonight?"

His low confident voice was back. "How down is down?"

There was the Rick Castle she knew.

"Not that down or I won't get to eat." She walked away calling over her shoulder "I'll figure it out."

* * *

><p>Kate emerged from the bathroom to find Rick sprawled across the bed, his hair still damp from showering, his feet were bare, he was wearing a crisp pair of jeans and a freshly pressed white v-neck t-shirt. She had expected him to wear a dress shirt. He almost always wore a dress shirt. At least she knew the dress code.<p>

Clutching her towel a bit tighter she confessed, "Feeling a little underdressed here."

Rick pushed a few more pillows under his head and crossed his arms. "I like that dress."

"Bet you do. Now, scoot."

"As you wish."

Rick was part way out the door when the remains of a bruise on her shoulder and upper arm registered with him. He had been so distracted by her legs, he almost missed it. Pivoting on his toes and returning to stand before her, Rick traced a finger across her shoulder and down her bicep, outlining the bruise as he went. "What is this?"

"Didn't I mention my failed attempt to bounce off a building?"

He scowled at her, "No."

"Occupational Hazard." She gave him a brief kiss that promised more. "Out you go."

* * *

><p>Kate fished through her bag, the dilemma had begun. Does she match his t-shirt and jeans or does she raise him one little black dress?<p>

Who was she kidding, there was no dilemma. The little black dress won. It was basic soft jersey black dress, with lace shoulder straps and deep "V" neck, high waist, gathered bodice, a hem above the knee with a fitted skirt that slit up the back, sexy and stylish all at the same time.

Next decision was what to wear underneath. Kate unzipped the secret inside pocket of her luggage and extracted a simple yet elegant set of silky black lace lingerie. Less is more.

* * *

><p>Slipping the dress over her head she checked herself in the mirror. Gut reaction was to grimace. Kate hadn't worn this particular dress since before she was shot. The 'v' plunged deeper than she remembered. Finding her inner calm Kate slipped into her shoes, an insanely overpriced pair of black Christian Louboutin <em>'Lady Peep-Toe Slingback Pump' <em>with the signature red sole.

Kate smiled when she envisioned Rick's reaction. She knew he would appreciate them. After all what man wasn't turned on by a sky-high platform pump with a sultry peep toe?

She pulled her hair back with a clip, making a loose pony tail - leaving her hair a little wild, but contained. Kate looked to the mirror for a final check, the scar from the bullet leapt off her chest as a glaring reminder of all that she had been through, all that she had put them both through. For a brief moment Kate wanted to rip the dress off and replace it with something that hid her scar.

That moment was interrupted by a knock on the door.

How long had she been standing there, staring at her scar?

A muffled voice asked, "You doing okay?"

Her voice trembled, "Yes." _'Damn you scar.'_

Rick struggled to hold back his panic. The crack in her voice concerned him, "Can I come in?"

Covering her chest she answered, "I guess."

This wasn't how she saw the evening going. All her planning and she had forgotten about the fucking scar.

Rick curled his fingers around the doorknob; he slowly turned it and pushed the door open. Rick puffed out a tiny bit of air; breathing was becoming a challenge as he examined her head to toe. He wore a crooked little grin and asked himself, '_Did she know how gorgeous she was? He doubted she did. Did she know the power she had over him?'_ He knew she didn't.

Turning to meet his gaze, Kate stumbled over her words, "I thought I was ready for this."

Rick's feet became encased in cement, he couldn't move. _'She wasn't ready?'_

Her voice broke through his doubt. "I didn't think the bullet hole mattered. I thought I was ready to share it with you. Not feeling very brave right now."

Rick slowly approached Kate and peeled back her hands. With one hand he clasp her hands over his heart and with the other he drew a little heart over the rough ridges, the remnants of her bullet.

It was the touch;

His touch;

It said everything she never let him say.

Freeing her hands she brought them to his cheeks. Cheeks nicely covered in two days of scruff. She gave him a kiss that promised forever; if he wanted it. Kate broke off her kiss and crooned in his ear. "You're a good man Rick Castle."

With the softest of voices he hummed, "No one ever told me that before."

Kate tugged on the tails of his shirt, "Not even your mother?"

Rick's eyes laughed with glee. "That so does not count – it's in the Mother's Handbook listed under obligation, check it out page 7, paragraph 3."

* * *

><p>Rick laced his fingers with her and gently began guiding Kate to the living room. He stopped suddenly and ducked behind her.<p>

With a raised eyebrow she asked, "You okay?"

He placed a hand on the small of her back and gave her a little push, "Yeah, wanted to watch you walk in those shoes."

Rick stepped back in anticipation of an elbow to the stomach or a backhanded swat to the shoulder. Instead a soft hand pressed against his chest, giving him a slight backward push; "Then stop right there."

He stopped and leaned against the door jam. Kate walked. Oh how she walked. She walked away and with cat like grace Kate turned and walked back to him. One foot in front of the other; heel, toe, heel, toe. Eyes drinking him in, Mona Lisa smile playing on her lips, shoulders back and hips swaying side to side, she arrived in front of him.

Rick pushed the air out of his lungs, "Can you do that one more time?"


	40. Want and Need

Chapter 40- _**Want and Need**_

_**Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were mine this chapter wouldn't have been such a struggle. Hope it makes the grade.**_

Kate curled her hand into his shirt, lured him closer and nodded towards the spread of food Rick had prepared. "Starving, aren't you?"

Bobbing his head in agreement, "Yeah – in more ways than one."

Her eye's flicked down below his belt buckle, "I can see."

He responded with a bit of a growl**,** "Well Detective – why do you think I wear those baggy coats to the 12th? You have the affect on me."

Shaking her head and rolling her eyes with delight. "Well Castle – if its confession time…it didn't go unnoticed."

It was Rick's turn to shake his head, "Is that what the eye rolls were about?"

"No, Castle those were because you were irritating."

"'Were'? Not 'are'?"

Shooting him ineffective death stare Kate threatened him, "Don't push your luck**,** stud."

Rick began nudging her towards the couch with his knees, "Red, White or Champagne?"

She followed his lead and crossed to the waiting gourmet spread of edible delights. Rick really had done an excellent job of preparing their picnic. Curling her legs under her Kateand settling into the deep comforts of the couch, Kate watched as Rick deftly flicked a Bic and lit the waiting votive candles. "Only two candles? I took you for an **'**over the top more is better**'** candle kind of guy."

"Don't want to set off the smoke detectors…" his eyes brimming with want "…saving that for later."

"Hmm…white wine."

"Now who's changing the subject? I would have bet on red…**" **his face wore a puzzled little grin "… isn't it usually red or beer?"

"Red can make me sleepy. You didn't offer beer, but that makes me sleepy too."

"There will be no sleeping**.** **F**or the record red does not make ME sleepy." He waited, he counted to three, and there it was**,** 'Beckett Eye Roll #4.' Castle laughed and pointed at her, "Do you know how long I have waited to share my analysis of the evolution of the _'Beckett Eye Roll' _with you?"

Shaking her head and creating an all new one of a kind _'Beckett Eye Roll' . _An eye roll full of amusement, one that filled up her eyes with glee and a smile twitch as her lips. Kate took her glass from him, letting out a seductive laugh, "What are you talking about? There is no such thing as a _'Beckett Eye Roll'_, everyone rolls their eyes."

Handing her a glass of wine, "Yours are special, everyone knows about them. If you want I can give you a timeline of the evolution of the _'Beckett Eye Roll._' It takes us from you loathing me to loving me."

Making a point of grazing his fingers with hers as he handed her a perfectly chilled glass of _'2008 Peter Michael Chardonnay Sonoma County Ma Belle-Fille'_, with a cocked eye brow and what she hoped was a lustful stare, "Loathing? That's a bit strong, I never hated you – just found you horrible annoying."

Taking an appreciative sip of wine Kate patted the seat beside her. Without hesitation, Rick burrowed in beside her with a glass of _'2007 Altamura Cabernet Sauvignon Napa Valley 2007'_.

He extended his glass, chinking it with hers. His mouth began to form words for a toast. He stopped as he watched her dip her head and begin to form words of her own. Rick swallowed his words and waited.

The green flints in her eyes began to glow. The brown grew deeper with emotion. He heard little hisses as she slowly inhaled and exhaled tiny breaths of air. Kate's mood had suddenly shifted from playful to serious. His lids lowered, hooding his eyes from hers, fearing that his stare would intimidate her. Rick waited for her to speak, peering out between his lashes, drinking in way the light flickered off the green flecks that peppered her brown eyes creating a new color that was uniquely Kate.

Waiting because he sensed it would be all Kate, raw, open, honest, naked Kate. After waiting four years what were a few more moments?

Wheels of emotion turned in her heart as she collected her thoughts. She wanted to get it right. Ringing her glass to his, "I want you to wake up every day knowing I am in love with you, which is more than loving you."

He was right. She was naked.

Using his fingers to lightly trace a line across her collar bone, fighting to project a manly voice, "As long as you are here beside me letting me do this..." kissing her softly "…I'll know."

"Deal." And just like that intimate Kate was gone. Shifting away from him and taking a deep swig of wine and popping a grape in her mouth, "About your _'Beckett Eye Roll'_ comment, how many are there?"

While preparing a little plate Prosciutto di Parma and mozzarella di bufala topped with roasted farm grown cherry tomatoes to share, he began. "As of right now there are 5 that count. '_Beckett Eye Roll Number One'_ aka the one I hope I NEVER see again, brimmed with animosity. You glared at meand wouldn't meet my eye."

Then one day you came to your senses and saw that I had a certain attractive boyish charm. You stopped glaring and held my eye. Even snuck a look back at me to see if I caught the eye roll – that was _'Beckett Eye Roll Number Two'_. It meant you tolerated me."

Feeding him a bit of meat and cheese from her fingers, letting him taste her fingers with the food, "I would say**, **intrigued by you."

The blue of his eyes deepened a bit**.** A smirk formed on his lips, causing the crinkles at the corners of his eyes to dance. "I intrigued you?"

Matching his smirk with one of her own, "It was the dichotomy between your public image as a skirt chasing playboy and your coffee delivering sweet self."

Smacking her thigh with glee, "I knew it! The coffee did it. It opened the door."

Covering his hand with hers, "Partially**,** really it was...is how great a Dad you are. You really should thank Alexis for raising you right."

Castle stretched his arm out across the back of the couch and tugged her closer until he had her nestled into his side. "Yes, she did."

"Number Three?"

"Eye roll followed by a smile. A smile you fought to suppress but got away from you. The one that said you might like me."

Kate ran a hand from his shoulder to his hand holding the empty wine glass, taking his glass from him to refill it. Briefly setting down their glasses she put her hands on her hips, "Number four?"

Challenging her he said, "Oh you know that one."

Teasing back, "I'd rather you tell me, after all this is your story." Pouring the wine and not looking at him she smiled privately to herself. He knows her, he pays attention.

"The eye rolls that starts at the same exact time as the smile, the smile that lights up your entire face. The smile that makes you duck your head and blush if you think anyone is watching."

Returning to nestle beside him with full glasses of wine and a plate of roasted veggies, "Number five?"

Plucking food off her plate, taking a swig of wine – Rick leaned in for a swift kiss, "My favorite."

"Do tell."

"Not sure I should tell you about it. It might embarrass you."

Running a finger along the rim of his wine glass, she all but purred. "Doubtful."

Rick had barely finished uttering, "I warned you" when Kate dipped her finger in his wine, only to run it along his bottom lip and flash him, _'Becket Eye Roll Number Five'_.

Shit. His only thought 'shit'. That minx known as Detective Kate Beckett knew the entire time exactly what she was doing to him.

"Did you mean that eye roll?"

With lighting speed Rick set down his wine glass, snatched the plate off her lap, the glass from her hand and pushed her back. Crushing her into the pillows, covering her body with his, "Yes, THAT one. The one where your eyes smoke over and you smile at me with that_**,**__ 'I double dog dare you'_ to come get me smile."

Giggling, giggling did he hear giggle? "Are you giggling?"

She snickered at him, lying all the way. "No. I don't giggle. Gave that up in junior high."

Whispering in her ear he said, "You do. You did." Rick couldn't have been happier than to have a secret with Kate, a good secret. "It will be our little secret."

* * *

><p>They laid there, limbs entwined quietly breathing together. Sharing the silence as an overwhelming sense of calm washed through her body. Kate briefly shut her eyes taking in the moment and locking it away in her memory.<p>

The soft drumming of fingers on her heart brought her back. She hadn't even felt him slip his fingers inside "V" of her dress.

Capturing her eyes**,** he asked without speaking, "Where did you go?"

Speaking softly into his mouth, her breath teasing on his lips, "Recording memories."

"Care to share?"

"Hmm…" stroking her free hand through his hair "… just thinking this was worth the wait."

His hand stilled over her heart**.** "Completely, lying here like this with you is…"

He felt her body tremble with laughter. "Just lying here together drinking and eating? Careful Castle, you're showing your sappy side."

Kate had called him Castle a couple times tonight. Uncertain how to take the name change, he asked, "Back to Castle?"

"I like it. "

He gave her a quizzical look, asking for more.

Her voice warbled a bit, "It's who you are to me…"

Rick watched as the blush started far below the deep "v" of her dress, from her core.

She finished with conviction"…it's who I fell in love with."

Rick repositioned himself to nuzzle against her neck, "Then I like it too."

"You're easy to please."

"As long as pleasing me is on your to do list…"

Instinct took over and she pulled on his ear and gave it a twist.

Pouting and rubbing his ear Rick scooted to the far end of the couch. "You are a little too talented at that."

Kate tucked her legs under her and crawled across the couch. "I have other talents."

He swallowed repeatedly as he looked down her dress at the elegant black lace of the bra that was calling his name. It kept saying "Oh**,** Ricky." It was taunting him. Daring him to introduce himself. To say hello.

Kate watched as his breathing grew heavy, his chest rose and fell in a new rhythm. A rhythm of arousal. She reached forhim. Pushing him back to rest against the cushions, she quickly executed an unlady like hike of the dress and straddled him. Leaning in she murmured "Can we pack this picnic to go?"

Gulping for air "What do you want?" Resisting the urging of his inner cave man to stand up and fling her over his shoulder, he politely asked, "Anything you need?"

Kate placed her hands on his shoulders to steady herself as she gracefully unfurled herself from his lap. Picking up his hand she bent and kissed the inside of his wrist, before gently dropping it.

"What** I want **is to have you to watch me walk over here."

Kate snatched the chilled unopened bottle of champagne from its bucket.

She looked over her shoulder "What **I need **is for you to wonder where I am going."

"Then what I need is for you to follow me and I tell me what you want."

And with that she was gone.


	41. Beyond

_**Chapter 41 – Beyond**_

_**Disclaimer – characters created by others.**_

Kate was rather proud of herself. Her legs still worked, score one for team Kate. After that it was all downhill, knees knocking, ankles wobbling like jello, and the lack of oxygen flowing to her brain threatening to cause her to pass out. It took great restraint not to down the entire bottle of champagne swinging in her hand.

That's what four years of waiting did to her, it made her breathless. Four years ago she would have _MAYBE_ slept with him but it had one night stand written all over it. At that time he was _Richard 'freakin' Castle; _too much of a playboy and she, too guarded. Kate wasn't sure she'd ever have the courage to tell him how she was instantly sexually attracted to him, the scruffy chin, the eyes that could be all the colors of the ocean at one time, and that damn cocky grin. Oh how she loved that cocky grin. Even when she was mad at him, disappointed in him and even unknowingly rejected by him – his cocky grin had the power to knot her heart up so she had to pause to breathe.

He stood unable to continue forward movement. Castle checked his feet to make sure they weren't nailed to the floor. Not even the sway of her hips as she strutted out of the room gave him the power to move. Tonight was years in the making, really just since that fateful day he had told Slemming _"No flag on the play."_ He had repeatedly beaten himself up over those five words, until the day she was shot. The day he told her loved her. Words that were mixed with grief and fear – he wasn't even sure he had said it properly since then.

Hooking the base of the champagne flutes between his fingers, Castle allowed her to make it half way to the bedroom before the cave man in him won. He crossed the space between them with Superman like speed, swooped in behind her, skillfully wrapping a strong arm around her waist and flipped her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

Kate let out a body shaking laugh as drops of champagne sprinkled down his face. "Lucky I don't have my gun."

Smacking her on the ass he crowed, "Don't I know it!"

They laughed in unison as Rick unceremoniously tossed her on the bed and dove across her body to save the champagne. Propping himself up on his elbows, shifting much of his weight off of her, "You still alive?" Castle placed the bottle on the night table and turned down the wattage.

Unable to speak between the laughter, Kate nodded yes and began to taste the droplets of champagne that had landed on his face.

Rick reluctantly rolled himself off the bed. Kate looked at him with a puzzled frown "Where are you going?"

Bending to give her a brief reassuring kiss and gathering the glasses that had tumbled to the bed and filling the flutes with liquid courage.

Scooting to sit on the edge of the bed, "Good call – can you imagine a trip to the ER because you have glass embedded in your…."

He quickly places a hand over her mouth, "Don't say it, just thinking it upsets me." Her tongue started doing crazy things to the palm of his hand, he grudgingly removed his hand – he had a plan.

Kate happily took the champagne that Castle offered. He took a brief swig from his own glass and then handed it to her. He needed to keep her hands occupied. Kneeling before her, slipping one and then two CFMs off her feet, he murmured, "I love you in CFMs."

Her face beamed as she teased him, "Really? Never got that impression." She knew he did and loved that he did.

Running his hands slowly up her calves he confirmed they were as defined as he always thought they were. "You knew. I think you even began wearing higher ones – just to taunt me. Just like you are taunting me now with your red toe nail polish perfectly matched the soles of your shoes."

Soundlessly he rocked back and forth on his toes as he knelt at her feet. "Nervous?" he asked as he slid his hands to her hips, holding her as if she would break. "I hope so, because my palms are sweaty, I'm struggling to speak, I have it all planned out, but now in the moment – this moment, I'm lost."

Kate downed a glass of champagne and tossed it to the love seat under the window. They both held their breath waiting for the sound of breaking glass. They were met with silence She smirked, "That was lucky"

She placed the remaining glass to his lips and tipped it back for him. When he finished she cocked her arm to toss his to join hers. Castle plucked the glass from her hand, placing it on the floor. "Don't think you're that lucky."

Kate wrapped her hands around his shoulders and guided him towards her. Gradually pulling him onto the bed, until he let her curl her body around his, nestling against his back, softly breathing against his neck, "Good."

Rolling on to his side to look her into her eyes, releasing her hair from the last of its restraints, he tangled his fingers through it. Rick repeated "Good?" He watched her eyes turn a smoky hazel as he waited for her to speak, trusting that she would.

Kate quietly admitted, "Me too."

Taking a moment, Rick rose to his feet, bringing her with him. Standing toe to toe, matching breath for breath, he finally broke the silence, "I have one question."

Kate attempted to steady herself by hooking her fingers inside his waistband of his jeans. "Hmm?"

He slowly removed her hands from his jeans and spun her around. With a deliberate slowness he began to drag the zipper or her dress down. "Are you fearless?"

With a bit of sass she asked, "Me or my lingerie? Regardless, the answer is I am. I hope it doesn't disappoint but this lingerie is from my collection."

Rick beamed, "You have a collection?"

"Don't sound so shocked."

His fingers leisurely guiding the straps of her dress down her arms, he teased "Oh, Detective – that is my most excited and impressed voice –"

"- not my shocked voice." The tease in Rick's voice vanished as her dress slithered down her hips and landed in a pile on the floor. He began dropping butterfly kisses down her spine with what Kate could only describe as an agonizingly unhurried torture.

She wasn't good at slow, she wasn't good at not leading. Spinning to meet him face to face, pushing her dress out of the way with her foot ready to pounce until she caught the look in his eyes. It said he had a plan and it meant so very much to him. Kate collected herself, let him lead. That would be her gift to him, even if he didn't know it.

With his blue eyes intensifying and his voice shaking, "Stunning."

Kate unconsciously pulled her bottom lip in with her teeth, eyes flitting from his eyes to lips and back again. "Sooo…" Dropping the tone of her voice to a new level of sultriness; "… fearless enough?"

Sweeping his eyes over her body with an appreciative gaze, "Beyond."

Nibbling on her lip and tugging on the tail of his shirt, "You're looking a little over dressed."

"I need you to help me with that."

Taking a play from his book, Kate stepped closer, slipped her hands inside his shirt, and leisurely walked her fingers up his abs cutting across to his ribs. Step by step until she lifted his shirt over his head. Tossing it towards the corner she skimmed her fingers back down his chest to rest her hands on his belt buckle. She watched as his arms hung stiffly at his sides, his fists were rapidly clenching and unclenching.

Holding his gaze Kate unclasp his belt, popped the top button of his jeans, "What do you want Rick?"

He wasn't sure if it was the way she softly used his first name or the location of her hand that caused his breathing to slow then quickened. On the edge of being unable to speak, he fought to push out the word. "You."

Cheshire grin playing on her lips, eyes molten chocolate and hands moving with terrorizing slowness she popped button after button of his Legend 121s. Rick couldn't decide if he was in heaven or hell. Maybe it was a little bit of both.

He was brought back to reality by her exclamation, "You are going commando!"

Unable to restrain himself he reached for her, dropping his head to her shoulder and letting out a hiss, "Easy access."

Pulling him closer to allow her to nimbly slip her hands down the back of his loosened jeans, "I'll say." Incapable of containing her laughter anymore, "So not you."

"Oh but it is." Skimming his hands over the curve of her butt as he tasted the plane of her shoulder, maneuvering a bra strap off her shoulder with his tongue as she continued to teasingly barely brush her fingers across his backside, he felt her body arch into his. Rick was still on track to slowly seduce her, until she let out a little moan.

Hearing Kate Beckett moan was his undoing. With a heavy groan he puffed out, "You are killing me. I'm killing me – this is killing me."

Grasping his face between her hands, locking eyes, "Let's be clear here, whose killing who? "

Rick mustered his manliness, "You're killing me. I had it all planned out. I want it to be perfect, want to please you. Seduce you, make sure it was perfect."

A silly little grin played on her face as she stroked her thumb back and forth across his bottom lip. "How is that me killing you?"

"Because you take my breath away and this pace is killing me."

With a bit of a smirk and a blushing, "What do you want?" Damn she hoped he said the seduction was over. He had been seducing her for four years. How much foreplay did he think she needed? What she needed was him – NOW.

Rick swallowed several time, cursed himself for playing her game – but couldn't resist. "Want or need? Such different words. Each has a different definition."

Trying not to rush him she prodded, "Let's start with want – "

Tipping his forehead to hers, his hips starting to betray him as they pushed into hers, "It's cliché but I want to make it special. Memorable. I planned it all out where I met your every need, like I said make it special. But the way you are looking at me, standing there nearly naked is undoing my plan"

Kate was doing her best to remain steady as she stepped back from him and pushed his jeans down over his hips. "Mmm – need."

Castle growled as the pace of his thumb caressing the clasp of her bra was increased, "Can't tell you."

She purred, "Tell me."

He mumbled, "Don't think you'll approve." As she moved to finish lowering his jeans, helping him step out of them, "Let me be the judge."

"I would have my wicked way with you." With an expert touch Castle popped open the clasp of her bra, one day he would tell her how he loved bras that were clasp in the front. Made opening them all that more enjoyable.

A shudder of anticipation traveled through her body as he finished freeing her from her bra. "Wicked way? Do tell."

"No – I want to take care of you, make you feel beautiful. Show you how much I love you. Not just tell you."

Eyes shining bright with arousal, "Ah Rick, you have been making me feel beautiful for years. What if I said wicked worked for me and that you have been seducing me for years, every cup of coffee, every creepy look, every time you saved my life and…." Her voice wavering, her grasp tightening on hips, "that every single time I told you to go away and you came back you showed me how much you loved me. So, if it doesn't upset you…right now, in this moment - feeling a little wicked."


	42. Listening to Music

_**Chapter 42- Listening to Music**_

_**Still not mine, but I enjoy borrowing them.**_

"Wow."

"Wow." He repeated as they laid in a comfortable tangled sweaty mess of limbs.

She caught him crinkling his nose and sniffing the air, "Smells like…" His eyes were twinkling with a hint of mischievousness.

She knew what he wanted to say, he wanted to say _'sex'_ but his eyes were asking permission. The whole naked in bed, intimacy in bed was in its infant stage. Tentatively taking his ear between her teeth she whispered. "Say it – I know you want to."

Extracting his ear from her mouth, Castle placed a sloppy wet kiss on her mouth, talking as he ran his tongue across her lips teasing her, "You smell like hot dirty sex and I like it."

Cocking an eye brow at him, she snickered, "Very hot and a little dirty."

"Speaking of dirty – where did you learn that little move where you…" He blushed, Richard Castle was actually lying naked in bed with her blushing.

"Ah you liked it?"

"Totally delightful. Practice it much?"

Her face transformed into a scowl and her eyes squinted into a glare, "You did not just go there."

"No, no not _'there' _but it was a surprise." His face said it all; he was just being Castle, teasing her, flirting with her. It wasn't about past relationships, which was good because she wasn't going there. At least not while they were lying naked together in bed. Or lying naked any place else.

"First time."

His eyes bulged, "No way!"

"Yes way!"

With disbelief he asked, "You just made that up on the fly?"

"No." Giggling and stroking his face "You hear a lot of things hanging out on the corner with the pros, honey trapping for vice. Now roll over you're crushing me."

"I like crushing you."

Moving her hands southward, "I can tell, but it's hard to breath." Wrapping her legs around him she flipped him to his back and settling her chin on his chest. "Ahhh, much better."

Grabbing her tightly by the waist, "This works too." Waggling his eyebrows and smirking with his eyes. "Any requests Detective? I appear to be at your mercy."

Nipping at his stubble with her teeth she mumbled, "I am hungry. It's not like you fed me much. All that food and you, caveman carried me away from it." Kate continued her assault by slowly working the tip of her tongue along his collar bone.

Castle's body began to shake with a combination of laughter and arousal, "Me? ME? I seem to remember a certain Detective leaving me with my mouth hanging open as she runway walked away from me."

Matching his laugher, "Might have been me, but didn't I ask for a picnic to go?"

Castle growled, "Not getting out of this bed till checkout time."

"All those times you begged me to eat, harangued me over my love of greasy take out and now we have a delicious array of eats and you deny me?"

Stroking fingers along the laugh lines that accentuated her eyes,"Yep."

"Hmmpff" Returning to nibble along his jawline "Don't you want me to keep my energy up?" Punctuating the 'up' with a saucy little smile.

Castle knew that Kate had significant power and control straddling him with her naked self. He rolled them on to their side, and flung a leg over hers. Hoping he was strong enough to keep her just where he wanted her. Castle began his negotiations. "Make you a deal."

Loosening his grasp enough to allow space for him to run the flat of the palm of his hand across her taut stomach.

Crap, her determination to eat was bound to vanish if he kept that up. "What?"

Rick reached over to turn the bedside clock so they both could see it, "If in five minutes you would still rather get out of bed and eat, I won't stop you." His hand continued its southern journey.

Through lowered lids and gritted teeth, "You fight dirty."

"Just you wait and see how dirty I can be."

* * *

><p>Disorientated and struggling to move, Kate felt trapped. She attempted to sit up – she couldn't. She hoped she wasn't having one of those nightmares where she was paralyzed because the other dream she was having was far more delicious.<p>

Castle was soundly sleeping on her chest, his right ear firmly glued to her heart. She knew he was sleeping because he was letting out little almost snores. His left hand covering her tattoo, fingers curling into her hip, even in sleep his thumb unconsciously twitched over the lettering.

His right arm curled under her head, a pillow of sorts. His legs were sprawled out behind him, his feet dangling over the edge of the bed, sheets tangled between his legs. It couldn't be comfortable and he was a cover hog.

A third attempt to move and Castle growled, "Stop squirming, I am listening to music."

"Really?"

"Really." Tucking his feet to his body and snuggling closer. "When you are relaxed like right now your heart reminds me of the music of a slow waltz, 84-90 beats per minute – a slow romantic rhythm that sucks me in and everything disappears except you and me."

Planting kisses on her heart only to return his ear to her chest "Now the beat is picking up. A quicker beat, 120 beats per minute or more – perhaps a Viennese Waltz - the beat is more of a constant array of turns. A faster yet lighter rhythm."

"And now when I slide my hand down your thigh, a lovely thigh I must say, your heart quickens to the beat of a rumba. Each beat taking a step closer, a slow sensuous, flirtation beat."

Damn he was good. Her hips were actually swaying to the sound of his voice and the feathering of his touch, stroking her with a slowness that only served to draw him into his story.

Determined to regain control, she grunted out "If you want to get to the Paso you need to let me eat." Kate somewhat reluctantly slipped out of bed, shook her head, tossed him a smile and headed for the living room.

* * *

><p>Castle remade the bed, fluffed the pillows, and poured champagne in tumblers from the bathroom. He was spreading a bathroom towel across the bed, a make shift table cloth when Kate returned juggling overflowing plates of food.<p>

The sight of naked Kate caused him to swallow repeatedly. He really was a lucky man. "Way better than my fantasy."

"TMI – not sure I'm ready to hear about those yet."

"Please, it's a good one."

Climbing into bed beside him as he took the plates from her, "Okay – but just one. And only because today is special."

"It is special isn't it" Stealing a kiss, "Okay so in my fantasy you wear a little…"

Arching her eyebrows in mock horror, "Do not tell me a writer of your caliber settled for the '_French Maid Fantasy'_."

Scrunching up his nose, and hanging his head in shame, "Right. Need to work on the fantasies." Sneaking a look at her from the corner of his eye, "Maybe you should share one of yours instead."

Kate's face reddened and she gave him an affectionate poke to the ribs, "Time to change the subject."

Flushed face – score one for Team Rick. He decided to take advantage of her embarrassment, in her weakened state she might just say yes. "Dinner Tuesday night?"

"Can't."

"That was quick, didn't even think about it."

"Every other Tuesday I meet with Dr. Burke."

"What time? We could do a late dinner."

"I'm not great company after seeing him. I need to decompress." Trying to lighten the mood "Cherries – you know. _'Cherries'_."

Lacing his fingers in hers, a simple reassuring touch, a connection that told her he understood.

"Wednesday night?"

Grimacing a bit, since she had already shot down Tuesday night. "It's my sparring night."

"Reschedule?"

Unable to swallow her words "Like to stick to my schedule, keep the routine." Shit. She hadn't intended her words to sound as if sparring was more important. Real relationships took work, she knew that, but she hadn't been with anyone who planned ahead. Cops, Doctors the other men she dated all knew everything with her was last minute – if she had time for them. Kate knew that Castle wanted something more predictable. He wouldn't settle for being slotted into segments of her life he would want to immerse himself in her world. Dive in.

With a sad face and gently persuasive tone, "It's um, well family night –"

"Family night?"

"Yeah – Wednesday's are dinner and Sunday's are brunch – now that Alexis is getting so grown up and independent we book times to make sure we check in. I wanted you to join us."

Looking to compromise, "Sunday would work."

Was it regret she saw flicker through his eyes? No disappointment, definitely disappointment "Hey, why the gloomy face? Sunday is only few days later."

He wavered a bit, not too convinced on how she would take what he was about to say, but he was saying it anyway. "I wanted to show off my new girlfriend to my family. Let them see it's good between us."

Using the lightest of voices she teased, "Girlfriend?" running her fingers across his biceps, which were more defined than anticipated. His dress shirts always teased her that he might work out more than he admitted, but they just didn't do him justice. "Hmm – not crazy about the label, I like lover better."

Castle's eyes danced with glee, she hadn't said no and she said the word _'lover.'_ "Sooo does that mean you want me to introduce you to people as my lover?"

Catching his eye and squinting to glare at him, "Hardly."

"No need to explain…I get it not ready for label."

"Never been good with labels, I doubt Alexis and Martha need me to have one."

"What about Lanie, Maddie, the boys and your Dad? What are you going to tell them?"

"I don't think we need to _'tell'_ them anything."

Scowling at her and gesturing between the two of them, "You are going to hide this?" Pissed. The only word to describe how he was feeling was pissed, he had run right through disappointed. Rick believed they were getting somewhere, apparently not.

She started to laugh, she shouldn't really – the look of concern on his face was so serious. With a rawness in her voice that he had never heard before, not even during their recent love making, "Rick, they know. They know everything."

Concern transformed into confusion, "Huh?"

"I thought I told you I told Javi everything, which means by now he told Ryan. You know Maddie booked the room, Lanie fetched my gun from your place and my Dad…" there it was the eye roll "… has been your cheerleader longer than I have even liked you." Okay and the smile, "nothing new to tell."

Relaxing his face into an impish grin he asked, "You're telling me that Esposito and Ryan know of your plan to kidnap and seduced me."

Flashing sultry half smile, "Left the seduction details with the girls. I did tell Javi that I was making amends and that if I had my way that when I showed up at work on Tuesday we would be together. I think he is a big boy and knows what that means." Simultaneously kissing him and laughing, "Especially since he asked if he needed to have the big brother safe sex chat with you."

Shaking his head in disbelief, "That's embarrassing."

"Tell me about it."

Switching gears, "Your Dad likes me?"

"I don't know if he _'likes' _you per se or just likes to see me happy."

Curling up around her, "I make you happy?"

Running her forefinger over his brow, "When you're not annoying me …" leaning in for a kiss that said she found him anything but annoying, "..yes."

Pulling back from her kiss; "Couldn't just say yes?"

"Can't feed your ego too much." Linking arms with him and setting her head to rest on his shoulder, "Almost forgot, if I reschedule my sparring, this one time, to join you for dinner on Wednesday night…"

"Outstanding. Wait did you say 'if'?"

"IF, I come over for dinner you need to promise to spar with me after dinner."

The blue of his eyes turned all kinds of shades of naughty. "Naked sparring?"

**_Thanks for the reviews - much appreciated. _**


	43. Too Happy to Remember

_**Chapter 43 – Too Happy to Remember**_

_**Disclaimer – AW and co. still own the characters.**_

Complete. He felt complete. The sun spilling in through the open windows, overly bright as it bounced up off the Hudson, highlighting the gold strains of her chestnut hair as it splayed across her pillow. Castle was torn between waking her up to play and watching her sleep.

Deciding to let her continue on in dream land, he carefully extracted himself from the bed. Pulled on his jeans and padded into the living room. He needed to call Alexis and coffee sounded like a brilliant idea.

It struck him that they hadn't broken into last night's desserts; nothing sinful about sweets and coffee for breakfast. Castle ordered coffee from room service, giving them strict instructions to text him when the cart was in the hall. He wanted to surprise her with breakfast in bed.

Castle picked up his phone to call Alexis. He had text her yesterday afternoon to let he know where he was, she said he didn't need to call her. He wanted to, he was still the dad.

* * *

><p><em>Perched on the park bench, the sunlight warmed their faces as Kate gushed to her mother about Castle. Confiding in her mother that she may have found her<em>_'one and done.'__For the first time Kate felt complete. K__ate reached over to brush the hair from her mother's face, to tell her she loved her. Her fingers strained, frantically trying to grasp her mother before she transformed into a translucent image of herself to be swept away by the gentle morning breeze. _

Kate woke in a cold sweat, tears sliding down her cheeks, struggle to breathe. Bed sheets clung to her body as an uncomfortable straight jacket, daring her to move. Fuck.

A wave of guilty relief coursed through Kate's veins when she realized she was alone in the bed. Her head was spinning. Conversations with her mother always ended the same, Kate desperately clinging to one wish. A wish for five more minutes, one more touch – one more I love you. Kate hated waking up this way, she hadn't dreamed up conversations with her mother since her hospital stay. Kate believed she had conquered the dream that turned into a nightmare waking with one more wish.

Delivering a swift mental kick in the head, Kate refused to allow the dream to choke her, take her beneath the surface where she struggled for air. Leaping out of bed, grabbing a hotel robe from the nearby closet she headed towards the living room. Solitude was her enemy, seeing Castle would save her.

Castle's back was to her, he was on the phone wearing nothing but jeans. Kate grinned with embarrassment at the series of little bites that peppered his right shoulder; pay back for the branding he gave her last weekend. The grin turned into a frown when she heard his conversation with Alexis.

"_Yes, Sweetheart we're good. Better than good, great. She's still sleeping. I know it was your turn to cook on Wednesday, but I thought maybe we could switch weeks. Smart kid, yes I invited Kate. I love you too." _

Kate retreated to the bathroom and cranked on the hot water, scrubbed off her makeup from the night before while the bathroom filled with steam.

A quick brush of her teeth and she was into the shower. The water washing over her body failed to bring the mental relief she was looking for. She was a whirling mess of anger and jealousy. The water surging over her body only served as a reminder of everywhere he had touched her the night before rather than rinsing it away. A battle began to rage within her as guilt consumed her.

* * *

><p>Castle returned to the lounge to find a freshly showered Kate in blue jeans and a white t-shirt. Her eyes avoiding his, arms crossed, jaw set with determination. He instantly flashed back to the morning after their almost night in LA, was she going to pretend last night didn't happen? Was she going to run?<p>

Trying to maintain their new level of intimacy Castle plopped down on the couch beside her. "Hey." He grit his teeth as he felt her shift away. What the hell was going on?

She responded with a sideways glance and a soft, "Hey."

Castle stretched an arm across the back of the couch, sliding his fingers across the back of her neck. He felt her stiffen. "I ordered up some coffee and thought we'd break out last night's deserts."

Avoiding his look looking like a petulant child she huffed out, "More of a toast girl."

Castle, ever the mediator, sprung to his feet "Fine, fine. I'll get you toast." He halted mid stride, he had promised himself that no matter what happened from this weekend forward he would not walk around on glass around her. At least not without good reason, "What the hell is going on?"

Shrugging her shoulders she turned to look out the window, she remained silent, her eyes dull and lifeless.

"I asked what was going on." His eyes turned a steely slate blue as he stood looming over her, "What happened between last night's love making…not once, not twice but three times and now?"

The silence emanating from her body was deafening. She shifted slightly to tuck her legs underneath her, physically retracting further into herself.

Kate knew she owed him explanation; the problem was she didn't have one. She couldn't see straight, she wanted to run. It was too much. She wasn't ready for him to see the chaos of her psyche.

Castle's blood was boiling. He could see her shutting down before his eyes. "That wasn't you asking for more?"

Closing her eyes and visibly wincing she muttered, "Stop."

Kneeling before her and pleading, "Telling me you loved me?"

She tried to untuck her legs, preparing to run. He was in the way. She couldn't leave without pushing him – emotionally and physically. She didn't want to hurt him, to touch him. "Please."

Castle begged her, "Kate – what is going through your head? My heart can't take this."

Barely holding on, she confessed, "I'm reeling – I want to walk out that door…"

"You want to leave me?"

"Yes. No."

Castle scrubbed his hands across his face; he brought them to rest on her thighs. "Look at me. Please."

Her head started to clear, she heard her mother talking to her, encouraging her to let him in. Through embarrassed half lidded eyes she furtively glance at him "Sorry."

He wanted to be gentle, his voice betrayed him as he spewed out "Sorry?" If she said she was sorry for last night, sorry for saying she loved him – he was done. Rick jammed his fists into his pockets, demanding "About what?"

His phone began to buzz in his pocket. Damn – the coffee was here. Kissing the top of her head as he headed off to fetch the coffee, Rick needed her to know that the conversation wasn't over. That he would listen. She might be closed. But he was open.

Burying her head in her hands Kate bit the insides of her cheeks as she clenched her teeth. What the hell did she just do? Why was she trying to sabotage something so beautiful, so right?

Castle taking slow but deliberate steps he pushed the service cart into the room. Shame flooded her heart. How many times had she watched him cautiously approach her with a cup of coffee as a peace offering? One too many, this time it was one too many times.

Accepting the coffee he offers, she inhales the all too familiar aroma, searching for the courage to let him. Fighting to find the balance between her head and her heart, "Can we start this morning over?"

Seating himself at the opposite end of the couch, Castle spotted a hint of Kate hiding behind the murky questioning eyes. These were unchartered waters for Castle, pushing when he normally retreated, "After you share with me what is going on in that beautiful head of yours."

Clutching her coffee for strength, Kate wondered how he continued to see her as beautiful when she was acting like a total bitch. "It's complicated."

Kate needed a peace offering, a diversion that would allow her to stall or everything would come out of her mouth wrong. He was visibly hurting. It was her fault, her stupid pride.

Setting her coffee down on the table she stood and headed to the pantry. Feeling his eyes penetrating her back Kate returned to him stroking a hand across the stubble accentuating his jaw, "I'll only be a minute," she promised.

Castle felt the air escaping from his lungs.

She returned wearing a shy smile, nestling in beside him with a plate of tiramisu and two forks. "Confession time?"

He let out a strangled, "Please."

"I woke up and all I wanted to do was to…" she started to cry.

Castle was baffled, taking the plate from her shaking hands he set it on the table beside them.

He didn't know what to do other than to pull her to his lap and hold her tight. Something told him that the storm sweeping through Kate wasn't about them. It included them but it wasn't about them. She clung to him as she wept.

When had crying ever been so good? Releasing the weight of the emotion turning and burning inside. Never. Wiping her runny nose on her sleeve, "…was call my mom."

"Ah Kate – "

"I don't want to scare you off."

Gather her hair in his fingers, pulling her head to his heart, "Does it sound like I am going anywhere? Tipping her chin to look her into her eyes, "I am not going anywhere. I smell like you, I don't have a shirt on and if I hold you any tighter I am going to bruise you."

With the softest of voices she whispered, "I wouldn't mind if you held me tighter, I can take it."

Castle crushed her to his chest, murmuring his plea into her ear. "Let me in."

"That's what she said, to do _'let you in.'_"

"Who?"

"My mom."

"Your mother?"

"I saw her today. I know it sounds insane, but I did. I saw her when I died too. She held my hand turned me around and told me it wasn't my time. She was gone before I could tell her I loved her. Twice I missed a chance to tell her I loved her. The last time we talked I was mad about something stupid; can't even remember what it was. We always said _'I love you'_ when we hung up the phone. I was being a brat and when my mother said "Love you Katie – see you at dinner." I only said, _'Ok'._ Why didn't I tell her I loved her?"

Sinking further into the couch he relaxed his grip on her, maneuvering them to allow her to stretch out along the length of his body. "Today?"

"I was telling her about you, I woke up before I could finish. I went looking for you and you were talking to Alexis."

It was coming together, he understood her pain, "You heard me tell her _'I love her._'"

Dipping her head in shame Kate confessed, "I was so jealous of you having that five minutes with your daughter. When I dream of my mother I always wake up wishing for five more minutes, where I tell her I love her. She always leaves before I can say _'I love you._' Why does she always leave me Castle?"

His heart was breaking for her, but he still needed to know -"You said you wanted to leave, why?"

"I didn't want you to see what a mess I am, but you made me promise not to walk out the door. So I stayed. I was so jealous and angry that I am not able to talk to my mom the way you talk to Alexis – I didn't know how to look you in the eye and not feel guilty about my jealousy. How not to feel guilty about last night…" brushing his lips with her fingers, willing him to stay quiet "…guilty that for the first time since my mom died – I didn't say good night before I went to sleep – I was distracted, I forgot.

Trying to sooth her with the tender tone of his voice, "Kate, it is okay that you forgot."

"No, I forgot because I was too happy to remember."


	44. An Upgrade

_**Chapter 44 – An Upgrade**_

**Disclaimer – ode to Titanic, don't own the characters. **

Pressing her faced against the window, Kate sighed. She pulled her face from the coolness of the window and blew out a breath, deliberately fogging up the window. Using her index finger she wrote, "I'm a mess."

With one big puff Castle fogged up the window beside her and wrote "Beautiful Mess." Castle circled his arms around her, resting his head on her shoulder. "Five minutes, three hundred seconds, one more I love. You know what I spent the summer dreaming of?"

Kate stiffened. Her mistreatment of Castle over the summer didn't sit well with her; if she had the opportunity to do over the summer of 2011, she would. She wished she'd been a stronger person, more honorable person for the seven months it took her to tell him she lied.

Castle's hands skimmed her biceps to her wrists, "I dreamed of recapturing 7.2 seconds, the 7.2 seconds it took me to react from the first glimmer of the sniper's barrel to the time you were shot. I'd like that time back. We all have regrets Kate, it's how we weave them into our lives to build from them, not have them tear us down."

Kate curled an arm around his waist, relaxing into Castle's side."I need to get out of here."

"You?"

Sliding around him to rest against the window, Kate tipped his chin to look at her, "Us." She ran her tongue along the edge of his mouth, light hot flicks that created a tingle down his spin and a burn in his belly.

Castle exhaled into her mouth, moaning softly, "Thought you wanted to leave?"

"I do, just wanted to make sure you wanted to come with me."

Feeling the banter back in the air, "I love coming with you."

Kate mischievously pressed up against him, rolling her eyes "How long have you been saving that line?"

"I say it all the time."

Challenging him, "You do not."

Slipping his arms around her, he grinned. "In my head every-time you tossed a saucy grin my way and said _'You coming Castle.'"_

"Hmm." Her eyes lit up, shiny with delight rather than tears. "Up for a trip to visit Lady Liberty? The ferry runs every hour on the hour from 10 to 2."

Castle wasn't clear on what the catalyst was for the sudden urge visit Lady Liberty, but he had a feeling he would find out. "Let me shower?"

* * *

><p>Kate tentatively peered around the corner into the bathroom, "Can I borrow your phone? To book tickets? Mine is in lock down."<p>

Castle was in mid-soap and desperately wanted to drag her into the shower with him, instead he restrained himself, her eyes still held a haunted look. "Sure, in my back pocket."

Picking up his pants Kate slipped Castle's phone under her arm and began to fold his jeans.

Castle smiled to himself, trying to decide which was sexier…watching a naked Kate Beckett sleep beside him or watching her fold his clothes.

Noticing his suspicious grin, she asked, "What are you grinning about?"

Quickly changing the subject "My password is 5-2-8-3."

Tossing back her head, Kate roared with laughter, "You are such a girl!"

An indignant Castle replied, "Am not. Hand me my razor."

Perching on the side of the tub Kate punched in his passcode. "I like the scruff."

"Scruff it is." Castle catapulted himself out of the shower, making a wasted attempt to rescue his phone from her hand. She held on tight her knuckles turning white. Shit, it was too late she saw it.

Castle stuttered and stammered, "I can explain."

Clutching the phone to her chest and tossing him a towel, "I sure hope so."

He was doomed it was _'Beckett Eye Roll Number One.' _

"I can delete it – right now. No one ever has to know."

"Someone was going to know?"

"No, no – I didn't mean it that way. It was for me." Kate walked out of the bathroom, she had to or he would see her smile.

Wrapping the towel around his waist he fought to stay on his feet as he slipped across the marble floor in his attempt to race after her, "Wait! Wait! Please don't leave!"

Safely landing on the carpeting he was greeted by Kate's grinning face, poking his chest with her finger, "You, Rick Castle are adorable." Tossing his phone to him, "Now change your wallpaper and show me where you hid your apps so I can order the ferry tickets."

He was shocked, "I am adorable?"

Crap. Did she say that out loud? "Change it."

* * *

><p>Kate plopped on to the bed to wait and watch as Castle dressed. How was he just as sexy getting dressed as undressed? "About that picture…"<p>

"Do we have to go there?"

"Yes."

"I changed it."

She leveled him a look that told him it was easier to confess now then deal with it later. "Umpf…you were sleeping on your side, tangled in the sheets, hair curly and wild, splayed across the pillow and you had the most delightful little private smile. A smile I had never seen before. I wanted to keep a memento of our first…"

"That was after our second…."

Bowing his head and giving her a sideways glance, "Second sex, first love making."

Kate crawled off the bed, wrapped her arms around him, "No more pictures like that on your phone. Understand?"

Doing his best imitation of a sad puppy, outwardly he pouted "Understood." Internally he was stifling a _'Snoopy Happy Dance'_…Kate hadn't said anything about his night stand.

* * *

><p>Walking hand in hand, fighting the wind as they wound their way along the Battery Park Pathway, Castle pointed at the white caps forming on the Hudson, "You sure you want to go out there?"<p>

Shifting her body to bump her shoulder with his, "I always find it to be cathartic… being out on the water, feeling the force of the wind and watching the skyline go by."

"Liberating?"

"Exactly, a reminder of how small my problems are compared to the vastness of the depths of the water. Plus my parents were into the history of Manhattan. Every year we took hidden architectural tours of the city and over Thanksgiving weekend we would take the 'Circle Line' and visit Lady Liberty."

Castle took a hesitant look at Kate. "First time since you lost your mom?"

Using her free hand to squeeze his bicep, "Yes and I've missed going out there. It was too much for Dad and me. Not too much for you and me."

"I like the sound of that."

Giving Castle a quick hip check, snuggling further into his side, Kate shot him a satisfied grin.

Castle saw his opening. "Earlier you called me adorable."

Feigning ignorance, "Don't recall that."

"Oh yes you do. You said it and your eyes went all "OMG" on me. You surprised me, I thought you might be contemplating killing me or leaving."

"It crossed my mind. Photos like that could really compromise my job."

"How?"

"Really? You don't think, in an emergency, Espo wouldn't try cracking into your phone using that passcode? And then see that picture."

Rick responded with an impish shrug and a flash of his baby blues.

"Do you know how hard I have worked not to be seen that way?"

"Kate, you're a gorgeous woman. All men see you that way."

"Not exactly the answer I was looking for."

"Let's go back to talking about why you find me adorable."

It was hard to be upset with Castle when his brilliant blue eyes were working overtime to flirt with her and when he called her gorgeous and it wasn't a come on, but just how he saw her. "Hypothetically, if I tell you why you might be adorable, can we move on?"

Castle tucked her arm in his, "Only if you tell me why YOU find me adorable."

"Words are your thing," spinning to face him. "I'm more of action kind of girl." Kate began a delicate assault on his mouth, a kiss that quickly turned urgent with the prying of his tongue between her lips. His hands worked their way inside her coat, resting on her hips, his new favorite place for his hands. She pressed her body to his, urging him to respond. He knew he had her when she slipped a hand inside the waist of his pants. It was her tell, a sign that she was unraveling.

Castle gradually broke off their kiss, slowly stepping back he playfully asked, "So we agree – I am adorable."

Leaning her head on his shoulder, hiding the arousal in her eyes, Kate whispered, "Um, Yeah."

* * *

><p>Standing inside the ferry, safe from the wind, wrapped in each other's arms soaking in the retreating skyline, Castle nudged his head over her shoulder, waggling his eyebrow, "Let's play Titanic."<p>

Not waiting for a response Castle began dragging Kate towards the bow, casting a skeptical look, "You want to the ferry to sink?"

Offering his hand to her, "Ssh, give me your hand – close your eyes."

Kate shared a brief smile and shut her eyes.

Containing his excitement at Kate playing along he crooned, "Hold on to me and don't peek."

Kate's smile widened as she turned her head towards his voice. Castle murmured in her ear, his voice barely a whisper, "Trust me, don't look."

"I trust you." She hummed as he guided her forward. Her stomach felt the cold smooth metal of the rail, her back felt Castle crowding in to hold her.

With great flare he commanded, "Open your eyes. You are Queen of the World."

Kate opened her eyes to the vast expanse of the Hudson, her calming force. She twisted her body to face Castle.

There he stood a glowing, Kate wasn't even positive men glowed, but if they could, then this is what it looked like. "You're hopeless."

"Yes, I am." Waiting a beat to speak, locking eyes with her, "Hopelessly in love with you."

"And I with you."

* * *

><p>"Coffee or Cocoa?"<p>

"Half and Half?"

Caressing her face, "You think your mom would've liked me?"

Kate was taken aback "Wow. Where did that come from?"

"I think I have always wanted to ask, curious if you brought me home for Sunday dinner what she would think. After this morning it transitioned from curiosity to a need to know if the woman who defines so much of you would approve of me."

"I'd like to think so. Mom would have appreciated that you don't have any tattoos, greasy long hair and aren't in a grunge band."

"Seriously?"

"Yep. I was finishing off my rebellious stage. He was a real winner." Kate started to chuckle, "Drove my parents insane. They would ask him a question and he would grunt."

"Where is he now?"

She answered with a snicker, "Not sure, last time I saw him I arrested him while working vice."

"You're making that up!"

"Told you…a real winner."

"I see myself as an upgrade."

Kate shared a shy smile with Castle.

The depths of his eyes held tight to the need for reassurance, "Past boyfriends aside, would she like me?"

He watched as she took a sip of coffee-cocoa a smile slipped across her lips, the same smile she wore when she slept, when she was a peace.

"Yes. "


	45. Packing Up

_**Chapter 45 – Packing Up**_

_**Disclaimer – not mine, all fluff**_.

Untangling herself from Castle's grasp, "I need to finish packing, drop my stuff off at my place and get to work." Checking her watch, she added "All by noon."

Castle was disheartened at how quickly Kate switched into Beckett mode. The tone of voice had lost its softness. He felt her shifting away from him.

"What about me?"

Wrinkling her brow, "What about you?"

Fumbling for words, "Do I go in with you? Drop by this afternoon? Wait for a body to drop?"

"I've been giving that some thought." Kate could tell by the anxious look on his face that Castle wanted to go in with her. Scrunching up her face, crinkling her eyes, Kate said uncertainly, "Wait for a body to drop."

Kate watched as Castle's face dropped and a tiny frown formed on his lips. Crossing the space between the two of them, Kate crawled into his lap, rubbing her check against his, capturing his ear lobe between her teeth, "Maybe, just maybe it would be too tempting to have you sitting next to me with only two choices - paperwork or touching you like this." She moved her mouth along his jawline settling on his lips, she pulled his lower lip into her mouth and gave it a playful tug.

"You have the most seductive way of telling me to stay home." Castle growled, thrusting his tongue into her mouth and swirling it with his. Breaking off their kiss he added, "They do say that absence makes the heart grow stronger…" and slipping his hands to the curve of her ass and pulling her closer, "…and the man more aroused. Until tonight."

"You are hopeless." Smacking him on the chest and dismounting him "Sorry, hot date with Dr. Burke tonight ."

Castle groaned loudly. "Argh, nothing until Wednesday night?"

Bending to plant a swift kiss on his lips, "You made it four years; you can make it a night."

Pouting Castle rose to his feet, adjusted the tightness of his jeans and headed to the bathroom; "Cold shower." Her laughter trailed after him.

* * *

><p>Shucking his jeans, Castle headed into the waiting shower. He had settled down enough to turn the water from cold to hot. Steaming up the shower, he stared planning his day in his head. He needed to write a few more chapters, prep for the premier, make room for Kate in the closet and clean out a drawer for her. Castle didn't intend to tell her he was doing it, but he wanted her to have space.<p>

Out of the corner of his eye he caught Kate entering the bathroom and removing her shirt. "Couldn't resist me huh?"

Flashing him an amused smile, Kate unhooked her lacey bra.

Castle chuckled as he soaped up, "I am irresistible."

"Sorry stud. Doing a quick change before I head to work, so I can put on my Kelo-Cote; don't want to ruin the spicy bra."

Kate unzipped her brown with blue polka dot toiletry bag, and pulled out a small tube. Squirting the thick gel on to her fingertips she began to slowly massage it into the scar that ran the length of her rib cage.

Castle cranked the water back to cold. "Please stop that."

"Stop what?"

Pointing at her fingers splayed across her side, "That."

Kate smirked at him "Okay," as she moved to apply the gel to the scar created by the bullet hole.

Lunging out of the shower Castle banged his head against the glass door and stubbed his toes on the lip of the shower pan as he hauls her in with him.

"Crap Castle – it is freezing. Turn the water to hot! I am all wet"

"Counting on it." His hands skimmed over her body, pushing her up against the marble wall. Rocking his hips into her, he muttered,"Your fault. Teasing me like that."

Hooking a leg behind him to bring him closer, "Wasn't teasing." Brushing the backs of her hands across his broad chest, swirling her tongue across his throat to his ear, Kate murmured, "This Ricky is teasing."

Castle let out a moan of frustration at his futile attempts to strip Kate of her wet jeans.. "What jack-ass invented skinny jeans?" he griped.

"Always thought you liked these."

Resting his head on her shoulder he groused, "Hate them."

Taking pity on him, Kate stepped out of the shower, peeled off her jeans and returned to his waiting arms. "Happy now?"

"Very."

_**One more fluffy chapter then back to some substance. Thanks for the reviews.**_


	46. First Day Back

_**Chapter 46 - First Day Back**_

Settling into her desk, her phone began vibrate in her pocket. Kate didn't need to look to know who it was, Castle had already text her 5 times in 30 minutes, using his 'Bruce Burner Phone.'

First there was the picture of her in the SUV, Castle had insisted on calling Clay. Of course Castle hadn't made her blow him a kiss, but he was the one who took the picture.

The next picture was of Castle tucking the bag from Maddie in HIS duffle bag. Castle attached a piece of hotel paper over the bag and renamed it 'Fearless.' Kate prayed Alexis or Martha didn't help him unpack. She still didn't know what was in the little bag.

Shaking her head she recalled their late return from Lady Liberty and Castle's slow seduction. He began by leading her to the window and undressing her, running his hands over every curve and contours of her body, tasting all of her, teasing her to the edge before letting her undress him. They stood in front of all New York City naked and joined together. Kate flushed at the thought of how erotic it was to make love to Rick pressed up against the window, the cool glass against her back and the city lights behind her. When it was her turn to press his body up against the glass she hoped the view from his patio was as private as this and couldn't wait to find out.

Kate was thankful for the third picture, she needed to resist replaying their love making while riding in the precinct elevator. It was a distorted picture of his face pushed up against her door knob and her keys dangling from the lock as he unlocked her apartment.

Picture number four made Kate kick herself for their unexpected shower which had made it impossible for her to drop her bag at home and get to work on time. Castle was standing fully dressed in her shower with a scribbly sign that read _**'Not as big as the Ritz…I'm game if you're game.'**_

Kate hated to be a kill joy as she quickly text back: _**'Work phone.' **_Kate toyed with getting a burner phone; after all, Bruce had one.

Castle answered with:_** 'That's why my clothes are on.'**_

Kate gave in and pulled her phone from her pocket. It was Castle sending picture number five, one which tugged at her heart. On her bed was **a** brand new phone, with a note card propped up on the pillow beside it. He had gotten her a burner. A Cheshire cat grin formed on her face; damn that man he was a mind reader too.

Kate began fingering the buzzing phone in her pocket when she heard. "Yo, boss, where's Castle?"

"How about a _'hello'_?"

Esposito dropped into Castle's chair, "Hello - where's Castle?"

Ryan rolled his chair over. "Yeah where's Castle?"

Even on silent Esposito heard the buzzing of Kate's phone."Gonna get that?"

Kate pursed her lips and rolled her eyes "Beckett."

The voice on the other end of the phone was low and sexy, "Miss me?"

As her heart beat out the answer yes, Kate sternly replied, "Need something?"

In unison the boys leaned in to listen. They were shot with another signature eye roll followed by a glare. "Hold on. Heckle and Jeckle would like to talk to you." Best offense is a good defense.

Beckett tossed her phone into Esposito's lap.

He deftly flipped it Ryan, "You take it."

Ryan swatted it mid-air. "No you take it."

The phone went crashing to the floor, skating across the slick tile to land at Gates feet.

The trio froze; the phone started vibrating. The call must have disconnected as it bounce from detective to detective to floor. Gates picked up the phone, took stock of the picture associated with the caller and marched the phone towards Beckett's desk.

With lighting speed of Esposito removed the phone from Gate's clutches and ran towards the men's room. "It's for me!" Ryan scrambled out of his chair, letting it roll dangerously close to hitting Gates, before rescuing it as he chased after Esposito.

Kate was left in the uncomfortable position of holding a stare down with Gates. Gates narrowed her eyes cocked her eyebrows like the wicked witch of the north that she was, "Not for you?"

Hoping the blush she felt reddening her face wasn't visible to Gates. "Apparently not."

* * *

><p>"Yo, bro."<p>

Castle was grateful that Esposito spoke first, he had been toying with trying out the greeting 'Hey, babe.' "Ahh. This must be Heckle, the magpie that speaks in slang with the undeniable New York accent."

"Cut it Castle."

Ryan crashed into the men's room with his eyes covered. He hated seeing coworkers at the urinal. He never could understand why guys didn't have all stalls – what made girls so special? "What did he say?"

Covering the phone Esposito snarled, "Nothing yet, setting up a little interrogation."

Ryan frantically nodded his head in agreement.

"Castle, not sure you know this, but you have to come through us first. If you know what's good for you – tonight Old Haunt, 6:00pm. Leave the chica at home."

Ryan began fidgeting beside Esposito mumbling, "Need to check with Jenny."

Esposito waved Ryan off. He was more interested in what Castle had to say, until he felt a firm thwack across the back of the head. He didn't need to turn around to know who assaulted him, but the man in him made Espo turn around to meet the evil eye of Beckett.

There she stood, in the middle of the men's room one hand on the hip, one hand demanding the phone.

Quickly disconnecting the call Esposito clenched his teeth and muttered, "No tengo miedo de su mal de ojo."

Beckett gave it right back "¿Estás segura de eso."

Ryan chimed in, "Yo soy, temo que eso es," before rushing out of the men's room.

Esposito reluctantly returned the phone.

Beckett smothered a smile and beckoned him with her head to follow. Beckett didn't feel all that comfortable hanging out in the men's room. Making sure her phone was on silent Beckett quickly text Castle_**: No body dropped, need to work. xoxo K**_

Esposito cautiously followed her into the hallway. He thought they were headed back to the bullpen until she turned on her heel to stare him down.

"Espo, I am going to say this once – you are the closest I have to a brother. The way you look out for me doesn't go unnoticed or unappreciated, BUT please don't terrorize Castle."

"Terrorizing him?" With a look of indignation Esposito questioned, "Me? Nah, making sure he knows the rules. He took long enough."

"Espo, there are no 'rules.'" Beckett slumped against the hallway, "Majority of the _'long enough' _was my doing. I haven't always treated him well or been the person he deserves." To make sure Esposito knew she serious, Beckett took a forefinger and poked him in the chest, "As favor to me tread softly."

Esposito met her gaze, acknowledging her request with a nod of the head. He more than anyone knew what it was like to fight the demons of PTSD; lashing out, pushing away the ones you loved the most. "Not even a little hazing? He'll think I've gone soft."

Smiling at her 'brother', Beckett replied, pinching her forefinger and thumb together, "Tiny bit."

* * *

><p>Esposito dropped into his chair and leaned forward to speak with Ryan "Mom said we could take Dad out drinking."<p>

"Technically isn't he taking us out? He owns the bar."

Esposito showed half a lip curl, "Semantics. Get Jenny's permission?"

"You get Lanie's?"

"Bro, you are the one with the ring on the finger, I make my own decisions."

The boys broke their huddle at the sound of Beckett's heels coming their way. Not only were they afraid of Beckett, they wanted to see the look on her face when she sees the bouquet of red Amaryllis that a delivery boy placed on Beckett's desk. Beckett slowed her walk when her eyes caught the flowers strategically placed in the middle of her desk. Castle was determined to stay at the front of her mind. Freeing the little card from its resting place nestled amongst the flowers Kate gently thumbed the envelope before opening it. '_Stay safe – Bruce.'_

Kate smiled softly to herself. He was back to 'Bruce.' Burner phones and Bruce, she was in a relationship with a frustrated superhero.

* * *

><p>Castle sauntered into the 'Old Haunt', nodded to Marco behind the bar. "Boys here yet?"<p>

Marco shook his head no, "Need something while you wait?"

Castle hesitated for a moment then leaned against the cold rail of the bar, "Bucket of beer and scotch neat." Castle cradled his drink in his left hand and swung the bucket of beer from his right as he wandered through the after work crowd. Sliding into his booth Castle began to wonder what the boys had in store for him; a wry smile crept across his face as he thought about how long he had looked forward to this day.

They said in unison "Yo, Castle." "Hey Castle."

"Hey, boys, grab a seat."

The boys shoved into the booth – purposefully flanking Castle. Out of the corner of his eyes Castle watched as each reached for a beer, and took a swig. Esposito noisily slammed his bottle to the table top. Ryan rolled his bottle between the flats of his hands and invoked his most sincere menacing look.

Castle tossed out an ice breaker, "How was work today?"

Esposito shared, "Cold case day, but Beckett and I might actually have a lead worth following up."

Castle cocked a brow in earnest interest, "Really?" Kate hadn't mentioned a real lead, only that she had spent the day shifting through an old case.

"Yeah, Robbery caught a perp during a standard B and E, who when they ran his name and I didn't have any priors. Robbery printed the perp and bingo there was a hit. An fold jewelry store B and E, where the owner of the store was shot and killed, was linked to the prints."

Leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands, "You're telling me the perp had a fake name and ID?"

Ryan piped in, "Not sure yet. The twist is the hit was for prints that supposedly match up to the guy that is serving life for killing the jewelry store owner. Different name, same prints – but sitting in prison for the past 13 years."

"You think the wrong guy is sitting in prison?" questioned Castle.

Esposito added, "That's what the system is saying, Beckett found another link between the perp and the convicted criminal. Half-brothers."

Castle reigned in his jealousy over Kate not sharing the details of the case with him. She had only texted that she had paperwork that would interest him. He had been then one that was quick to respond with _'doubtful.'_

Esposito took another swig of his beer, "Ryan enough of that, we aren't here to talk shop with Castle…" cracking a few knuckles he continued, "… we are here to come to an understanding."

Ryan gave a quick nod, "Right, right but first Castle – the Amaryllis were a nice touch. You probably know they mean beautiful inside and out."

Castle shook his head, did nothing get past these guys?

Esposito shot Ryan a menacing look "Really? Really, bro, talking flower symbolism?

Much more of this and your man card won't be rejected, it's gonna meet the shredder."

Castle leaned back from the table to rest his back against the booth, feigning ignorance, "An understanding? I thought we were three buddies having casual drinks."

Firmly placing the palm of his hand on the table, Esposito gradually rose out of his chair, "Casual? Casual? Is that code for things are casual with Beckett?"

"Huh? What?" Feeling the boys begin to push into his personal space, Castle cried out "No."

Esposito snarled, "Good. It is simple. Beckett's happy, we're happy. Beckett isn't happy we aren't happy."

Ryan grabbed a fresh beer and gave Castle a friendly pat on the back, "Got it?"

Castle huffed out a disappointed breath of air. "That's it? I threatened the teenage boys who come to pick up my daughter with more machismo than that."

Esposito challenged, "You think I am soft?"

Smirking and curling his lips to a smile, Castle joked, "Yeah, come on Esposito. Where is the talk about being a trained sniper or a description of how you could kill a man with your bare hands? No talk of cement shoes or late night drives to the east river? Definitely soft, sorry not scared at all."

Ryan caught on to his partners rising anger, "Beckett um well, advised us to go easy on you."

Ahh Castle thought to himself she threatened THEM. "You're scared of Ka - Beckett?"

"Yo, Ryan why did you play me like that?" Esposito drained the last of his beer as he thought about his next words. "Not scared respectful. BUT since you asked for more…" Turning to Ryan, "He did ask for more right?"

Quick to agree, Ryan's mouth went into over drive. His eyes bulged out their sockets and the vein on the left side of his neck began to pulse, "You hurt her, cheat on her or mistreat her I will go all ugly leprechaun on your ass."

Esposito slid off his leather jacket and flexed his biceps under his tight Henley, "Le haces daño, hacer trampa en ella o maltratarla voy a hacer que el duende feo como una de las Girl Scouts"

Castle opened a new beer for each of them. "I have no intentions of screwing this up."


	47. Family Dinner

_**Chapter 47 - Family Dinner**_

_**Not Mine.**_

_**Thanks to my proofer and the reviewers. Enjoy.**_

Kate stood staring at the loft door, second guessing her decision not to go home and change. Who was she kidding? She didn't care about changing. Kate had wanted to bring an overnight bag and she would have if the vision of Martha, or worse yet Alexis greeting her at the door while clutching it, didn't make the hairs on the back of her neck stand up she would have arrived bag in hand. Instead she was destined to join the trio of Castles for dinner and head home.

She and the boys were still working the cold case that had turned hot and Kate needed to be back at the station before the morning commute to meet up with Espo to head out to Queens to follow up on a lead.

Opening the door before she could knock, Castle paused to inspect her, running his eyes over her body and pursing his lips while extending a hand to her. Easily slipping her hand into his Kate attempted to decipher the look on his face. "We okay?" She asked.

He pulled her closer to reveal, "Wish you had an overnight bag."

A smile spread across her face. "Debated it all day – Do I? Don't I? I didn't. Should have."

Growling into her mouth before starting to kiss her soundly, "Should have."

The sound of approaching footsteps caused Kate to pull back from Castle's inquiring kiss, "Um Martha, Hi."

Martha waved at them, "Don't stop on my account. Nice to see this place getting a little action."

Castle groused, "Mother!"

"Well, it's true. Ever since you forbid me bringing home the hits on my 'greydar' the loft has had about as much action as a convent."

Laughing Kate slipped her purse from her shoulder and shed her coat.

Castle leaned in to nuzzle her ear. "Welcome to the family."

* * *

><p>Dinner was rather predicable, good food, good wine and enjoyable conversation. Kate avoided the awkward side eyed glances Alexis was sending her way. It was more than apparent that Alexis was not as pleased as the rest of the Castle family to have her join them for dinner.<p>

Kate had attempted several times to directly engage Little Castle in conversation and each time Alexis responded with polite, yet curt, answers. Finally Kate abandoned her efforts to interact. The kid wasn't going to break.

The moment Castle suggested they move to the living room, Alexis excused herself to study.

Alexis hugged her Gram, kissed her father's cheek and gave Kate a brief nod as she headed up to her bedroom.

Settling into the couch beside Castle, Kate placed a reassuring hand on his thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. Kate whispered, "Let it go."

His head swiveled to face her, "I don't know what's gotten into her." Rising to her feet, "I'll be right back."

Kate hissed as she grabbed onto his forearm "Rick - let it go." She tugge him back to sit beside her.

"Talk to her later, if you chase after her now it will only escalate."

"Escalate?"

"You have a great kid. Actually she isn't a kid at all. Alexis is a lovely young woman."

Out of the corner of her eye Kate saw the shadow bouncing off the hallway alcove above the stairs. Alexis was listening. Maybe it was a good thing.

With a dramatic shudder, Rick whined, "Don't use the word Alexis and woman in the same sentence. It upsets me."

"I know, but she is. And she loves you. Loves you very much, and this thing – you/me and family dinners is going to be an adjustment."

"Adjustment? Alexis and I discussed it. She said she was good with it, if it made me happy."

"Exactly. Come on Castle, do you think Alexis would ever actively prevent you from being happy? It doesn't mean she has to be a hundred percent okay with it."

Lowering his voice, "She said she was."

"Castle, Rick – I am not sure how to say this without upsetting you…" Kate saw the shadow slip down the hallway wall, forming into a ball. Alexis was camping out in her observatory. "….first, if my Dad brought home a woman and interjected her into our lives it would bother me."

Castle furrowed his brow and pursed his lips. "This is different."

"How? She loves you, has you all to herself. Now Alexis needs to share you with someone who puts her dad's life in danger. Alexis has a right to be off balance. Give her time."

Grappling with Kate's words Castle attempted to reassure himself, "She likes you."

"It isn't about liking me." Kate made a furtive glance upward, Alexis was still listening. Good. Time to put it all out there.

"Remember that day on the swings? When I tried to let you know I knew you loved me, but wasn't ready?"

"Not my favorite memory."

"I know…" reaching a hand out to brush his hair from his forehead and affectionately tug on his lobe, "…but did it ever cross your mind that some of the bricks in my wall were about Alexis?"

Hushing him before he could speak, "She witnessed my getting shot, how close you were to me. Chances are she thought it could have, or still _could_ happen to you just for being near me. How could she possible be okay with that? Do you think I ever want to have to look Alexis in the eye and tell her something happened to you?"

Scrubbing his hand across his face and through his hair, Rick muttered, "It won't."

"You don't know that, I don't know that and Alexis surely does not know that. This isn't one of your books, we don't know the ending."

"She understands."

"Understanding and be okay with something are two distinctly different things – you know that."

"You aren't giving Alexis enough credit."

"Other way around. You aren't. She is a thoughtful intelligent person – she has seen how I've hurt you, how I could get you hurt. She's polite but guarded. I don't blame her."

"Where are you going with this?"

"What I am struggling to say is that I have reached a point where if something happened to you on the job Alexis would rebound. I think she knows you well enough to understand that the kid in you loves playing super cop and that it is your choice. But, but if it happened because of my mother's murder, than maybe it was you picking _me _over _her_. Which is why you need to leave my mother's murder alone and I need to stop chasing after it."

Castle stared at Kate in wonderment had she seen the light? "Ever?"

"Not right now." The buried ache in her heart started to beat.

"Never, not the way we have thing set up."

Kate stated firmly. "It will come back"

"You sound convinced."

"We now know that the night in the hanger Montgomery was ready to die, he had prepared for it. That's why he set things up the way he did. But what happens if something happens to your 'friend'? Heart attack, a random event or someone decides he is expendable? Who will look out for me then?"

"Me."

"Exactly. Don't you think Alexis has figured that out?"

Castle heard the floor boards creak from above, he knew that creak. How many times had he caught Mother or Alexis eavesdropping from the squeak of that board?

Pressing his lips to her ear, "There the whole time?"

Kate whispered in return, "Yeah."

"You knewAlexis was there, didn't you?"

With a slight nod of the head she murmured, "Shadow on the wall."


	48. Chapter 48

_**Chapter 48 – We Fit.**_

_**Disclaimer – Not mine.**_

_**My apologies I thought I published this a month ago.**_

"Stop dodging the question, are you coming to the premier or not?"

Wrinkling up her nose as she drove, "Yes, but…"

"You know I am not a fan of 'buts'."

"Yes, how about a 'well I was thinking'?"

"Not too sure I like the sounds of you thinking, you tend to over think things."

Playfully smacking his chest "Hmmpf. So my idea was that I would go with my entourage and meet you there."

Cocking one brow, "Entourage? Who exactly are you talking about?"

"Espo, Lanie, Ryan, Jenny – you know they would love an excuse to get dressed up and drink some of your money."

"Keep going."

"I could go with them and you could go with Alexis and Martha. The you can do your famous man red carpet dance and meet me inside."

"Been trolling the fan sites again?"

With mock indignation "NO!"

"And once inside?"

"A group of coworkers enjoying a great night?"

"Wearing the dress I bought you and some horribly appropriate dangerously high heels how do you think you will keep me in the 'coworker' category? That is asking a lot of a man."

"My secret weapon."

"I am afraid to ask."

"Gates."

Sputtering and tugging on his ear as if he was hard of hearing "Gates. You want me to invite Gates."

"Yes and her husband."

Waving his hands hysterically, "Quick where's the gumball?"

Kate shot him a confused look, "Why what happened?"

"I need to get you to the hospital, you have obviously been poisoned."

"Poisoned?"

"Or gone nutters."

"Nutters?"

"Invite Gates – that will buzz kill the entire evening."

"She will probably say 'no' and any suspicions she has about us will be squelched for a little while."

"You really think she will say 'no.'."

Breaking the no touch at work rule, Kate reached over and gave his thigh a reassuring squeeze. "Of course she doesn't even like you."

INSERT LINE

"Do it." She hissed. "Now's your chance, she is grumpier than ever – no way she'll say yes."

Castle reluctantly rose from his chair and shuffled like a man wearing shackles towards Gates office. He glanced over his shoulder before raising his hand to knock on the door frame. Kate was in full on Beckett glare mode.

Castle jumped at the sound of Gates' voice, she didn't even have the courtesy to let him knock before she barked "Mr. Castle do you need something?"

Today of all days he wished he had decided to be an actor rather than a writer. Forming his face into his best PR expression, "I would like to invite you and your husband to join the team and me at a prescreening of the movie for Heat Wave, my Nikki Heat novel."

"Can't give you a yes or no without knowing the date and time."

FUCK! Castle never swore, wasn't his way. But FUCK! Gates was either playing him or toying with the idea of attending. Either way he was going to kill Kate.

Tried as he might to sound in control, Castle rattled off the logistics of the event in a hurried mumble.

"Put us down as a yes, I'm not a fan of yours, but my husband is."

Castle stood numbly in the doorway, they had forgotten about her husband. How could they forget about him? Crap.

Gates snapped, "If you have nothing else you can stop blocking my doorway and go and make yourself useful."

Kate and the boys had watched the conversation unfold from the break-room, it wasn't the best view, but it was the safest.

Espo slapped Ryan on the shoulder, "From the way Castle is hanging his head and crawling back to his chair, sure looks like Mom and Dad have a chaperone coming to the big dance."

Kate growled, "Zip it Espo." Castle was going to kill her.

Ryan darted over to Castle as fast as he could, plopping himself into Beckett's chair, "Is she coming, is she coming?"

Castle stared at him unable to speak. His worlds were colliding.

Ryan yelped as he felt Beckett pinched his arm and drag him out of her seat, "Don't you have a lead to follow up? Paperwork? Anything?"

Ryan swatted her hand away "Whose dumb idea was it to invite her anyways?" One look at Beckett's face and Ryan ran. He didn't walk, he ran.

Gathering his words "Did you forget her husband was a big fan?"

Kate cringed; he really was going to kill her.

* * *

><p>Kate opened her front door to a Lanie who let out a long and low wolf whistle. "Wow, Writer Boy is going to have hard time tonight."<p>

"Why?"

Lanie crossed her arms and looked her friend up and down, "Please. You in that dress, those shoes he is going to stroke out. Good thing I'm a doctor."

Kate checked herself in the mirror and nodded in agreement, "Hmm – leave the mouth to mouth to me."

"We'll see, never hurts to keep Javi on his toes. He suffers from wandering eye syndrome."

"Maybe if you finally told him what he wanted to hear he would be cured."

Lanie roared with laughter "YOU are trying to give ME advice on love. That's rich."

Kate rolled her eyes at her friend.

"Don't try to scare me with the Beckett Eye Roll – that might work on Writer Boy but I am impervious to your witchy ways."

"Would you like to come in and have a drink or wait in the hallway by yourself? The car will be here in about 20 minutes."

"Car? We aren't cabbing it."

Kate's checks reddened, "Nooo."

"You let Writer Boy send a limo for you. That is one classy booty call."

Pursing her lips and glaring at Lanie, "It's for us, not me."

Grinning from ear to ear Lanie teased, "Go ahead and spin it anyway you want, it's a booty call."

* * *

><p>Kate's phone buzzed signaling that the car was downstairs waiting. "Lanie let's go."<p>

"See booty call, the man doesn't even come to the door to fetch you."

Kate shoved Lanie out the door, "One more booty call comment and your name is getting scratched off the guest list."

Lanie's eyes grew wide and she held up her hands in mock horror. "Got me scared now, NOT. I'm your cover story."

"And I'm yours. Think Gates would approve of you and Javi."

Lanie dropped her hands, linking her arm with Kate's "Let's go get our men."

* * *

><p>Kate stepped out of her building and was surprised to see that it was Clay standing beside the Escalade. "Hey Clay, thought you would be driving the Castle Crew."<p>

"Nope. He wanted me to keep an eye on you."

Wearing a smile Kate started to climbed into the SUV. Kate was pleasantly surprised to see that Ryan, Jenny and Espo were already waiting inside. "Hey guys."

Espo beamed when he caught sight of Lanie following Beckett into the SUV. He practically pushed Ryan to the floor as he scrambled over the backseat, wedging himself between Beckett and Lanie. Kissing Lanie soundly and then turning to Beckett "You don't mind do ya boss?"

Smirking, Kate asked, "Clay hold on, you have room for me up there?"

"Of course Ms. Kate."

Esposito, every observant little brother, "First name basis with Castle's personal driver, makes me think you have been holding out on us."

* * *

><p>The Escalade stopped half a block back from the chaos. Ryan let out a low appreciative whistle followed by "Whoa this place is a mob scene. Glad we aren't working security."<p>

Clinking knuckles with his partner, Esposito agreed, "No doubt bro, no doubt."

Clay turned to Kate "Ms. Kate it's going to be a few minutes. Security will call when we can go around to the side entrance." Turning to the back of the car "Mr. Castle did say that the 'entrourage' could walk the red carpet if they wanted to, up to you. But I need to call ahead."

Lanie pounded Javi's chest with glee "Come on baby, one red carpet." She stopped when she caught Kate's eye in rearview mirror. "On second thought let's skip it; we'll look more famous sneaking in."

Kate turned to search the faces of her friends. "You really want to walk the red carpet?" Espo wore his signature I'm a tough guy and above it all, but dying to do it face. Lanie was sucking in her cheeks, holding her breath. Ryan was grinning like a school boy. Kate was ready to say no to all of them, but Jenny. Jenny sat there quietly nodding her head like a kid waiting for her turn to talk to Santa.

Biting her lip, praying she wouldn't regret it, Kate announced "Red carpet it is."

The fist pumping and squealing from the 'entourage' was enough to send the SUV rocking. Clay leaned over and in a hushed tone "You sure about this Ms. Kate?" Pointing ahead at the paparazzi "Those folks are vultures."

Clay moved the SUV to the edge of the carpet, the vultures swarmed in. Clay suggested, "We can always just leave your friends out and drive you around to the side."

"Wouldn't that be more obvious, I'd feel like I had a bounty on my head, it's all or nothing."

The boys huddled together for a moment. Espo tapped Kate on the shoulder "We got you boss, Lanie and Jenny can go in together and we'll hang with you."

At the time it sounded like a good idea. Jenny and Lanie linked arms and headed off down the red carpet, they looked the part, the flash bulbs were popping and the girls loved pretending they were famous. Hamming it up and posing as people yelled out "Look over here." "What can you tell us about the movie?" "A little more leg." and "Give me a smile over the shoulder."

The boys flanked Kate and they started to follow. Their over protective nature only drew attention to the three cops. To the crowd of fans and press Kate suddenly looked like someone with bodyguards, not three friends going into an event together. The flash of the cameras was blinding. Espo felt Kate tense beside him, "You okay Beckett?"

"Yeah, let's pick up the pace."

The trio rounded the corner, they were home free. And then he saw her, he stopped talking mid-word, turned to drink her in. The grin on Castle's face was undeniable. She looked radiant. They stood 50 feet apart but there was no doubt who he was staring at.

Someone screamed out, "Its Nikki Heat."

Kate tried to play it off by looking behind her, pretending to find out who they were talking about. Ryan choked back a pity laugh, "Too late Beckett. They are on to you."

Kate was proud of '_Nikki Heat'_, well not at first, but she was now. Why not have a night of fun on '_Nikki Heat'._ Linking arms with Javi and Ryan, Kate led them to the nearest group of fans waving a copy of Heat Wave. "We'd love to sign – this is Detective Javier Esposito the inspiration for Ochoa and Detective Kevin Ryan aka Detective Raley, we're a package deal."

The fans went insane, pushing and shoving to get their autographs. Flash bulbs exploding all around them as the boys hammed it up for the camera. Having been ushered inside, standing in the shadows was a glowing Rick Castle.

* * *

><p>Once safely inside Espo and Ryan quickly abandoned Beckett to search out their ladies. Kate headed to the bar pretending to not look for Rick. She felt him before she heard him, "Champagne for myself and the lady."<p>

Angling her body towards hers, sneaking a quick squeeze of his hand. Kate's voice oozed with sensuality, "Hey Castle."

Squeezing her fingers before dropping her hand to take the waiting glasses, he strangled out a "Follow me."

In her rush to follow Kate bumped into the person waiting in line behind her. Crap, Crap – Double Crap.

Gates smiled kindly, "Careful there Detective, dial down that smile. People may talk."

Kate's heart stopped. She willed herself not to react. Kate simply stuck out her hand to Sir and her husband, "Good to see you again. Hope you enjoy the movie."

Gates and her husband watched Kate search out Rick.

"You should tell them you know."

Gates clucked at her husband. "Not a chance."

"What's the harm?"

"The longer they think I don't know, the harder they will work at keeping it out of my precinct and as much as it pains me to admit, Richard Castle serves a purpose."

"Care to share?"

"Remember it's no accident I was transferred from IA to the 12th."

Her husband gave her a knowing look "Right."

* * *

><p>Kate was almost to Castle when she felt a hand on her wrist. It was Gina. "We are about to start, let me show you to your seat." Kate really didn't like Gina before and she liked her even less now. Wasn't it Paula's job to orchestrate the event? Hesitant to call attention to herself, Kate acquiesced. "Fine."<p>

Gina chose to ignore the snide under tone in Kate's voice, "Follow me." Gina escorted Kate up the stairs to a small room with two folding chairs and a perfectly private view of the screen. "Management uses this to keep an eye on things. Rick will be here as soon as he's done."

Kate left alone in the barren room Kate laughed to herself. Castle would either come bounding through the door any moment or Gina had locked her up and thrown away the key, what a night.

The sound of applauds drew Kate to peer out the window. Paula was making a production out of introducing Castle, the producers and the screen writers. The house lights dimmed, Natalie Rhodes appeared on the screen bigger than life. Kate's heart filled with excitement and pride. If she felt this giddy sitting alone in the dark watching the inner workings of Castle's mind come to life she couldn't imagine what he felt.

* * *

><p>The sound of the door opening startled Kate, the cutting silhouette of the man in the doorway settled her heart. Her man.<p>

He pulled her to her feet and hugged her fiercely. Kissing her with unexpected intensity. Gasping for air "What brought that on."

He growled, "You haven't seen anything yet."

Kate eyed him with suspicion and desire, "What about the movie."

"I know the ending."

His hands were desperately trying to make short work of her dress.

"Slow down cowboy, the door doesn't have a lock."

"You've already checked?"

Kate huffed out, "Of course, you always say you know me. Well, I know you too."

"Touché. That means you have a solutions"

"Ram the folding chair under the door knob."

"Oh great plan" Castle grabbed the chair, folded it up and secured it underneath the door knob in a single move.

"Practice this at home?"

"No, but it is totally going into my next book."

Helping him shed his tux jacket, "Our sex life is not going in your books."

"Well my dear the only way to keep this out of a book is if you please me, tease me, and bring me to my knees or its going to print."

Kate reached forward and hooked her fingers inside the waistband of his pants. He had her. It was her tell. Regardless of the words that came out of her mouth, if she hooked her hand inside his pants and began her seductive feather touch across his belly it was game on.

"Once again you are playing dirty."

Dropping her dress to brand her where no one would see, "You love dirty."

Kate stripped of Castle of his pants, "So do you."

Taking a breath, swallowing her with his mouth "And that is why we fit."

_**Thanks for the follows and the reviews – the end.**_


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